To wake a sleeping baby...?

[JCN]

I have a 4.5week old DS & am starting to try and implement EASY.

Currently, he goes 2.5-3hours between feeds and has a small window of A time for a nappy change and a lie on his play mat. He starts to yawn around the 1 hour mark, which is when I try and get him to sleep...although at the minute he fights the sleep and I can’t manage to get him to nap in his Moses basket (ssh pat not working and he gets over tired eventually and screams and more recently won’t even fall asleep in my arms - I have to put him in the baby carrier/sling.

However, the sleep issue I will deal with better I think once we have a more predictable day. Whilst his feeds are mostly predictable in the space they are apart, his day starts at different times each day and so we have no real schedule. Some days our timings start at 6, sometimes not until 7:30.

I also have a 26month old DS and it’s becoming difficult to cope on my own (OH works away mon-fri) when DS2 needs a feed on the school run or needs assisting to sleep at DS1s BT.

I am wondering if it is advised to WAKE a sleeping baby in order to get and set his timings off at the same time each day? I.e it would work best for us as a family if he was starting his WU/E at 6:30/7, but he is sometimes still asleep at this time... should I wake him to try and trigger a 7,10,1,4 routine? Also similarly at bath/bed. Should I be waking DS2 to bath him at the same time as DS1? (6:30 with a BT of 7)) and then doing a feed at 7pm even if he not asking for it?

[creations]

I am wondering if it is advised to WAKE a sleeping baby in order to get and set his timings off at the same time each day?

I think from my time on the forums I would say (although I could be wrong) that most people do not tend to wake baby unless they have to.  Some do though as they need that routine for themselves as well as others in the family.

I believe in the BW books Tracy gave examples of waking LO at a regular time each day and to get the routine in place.  It's been a while since I read the BW books so I wouldn't want to say for absolute certain but I think she also did this with very young babies, waking in the morning and putting to sleep at relatively "set" times but with allowance for the individual LO, adjusting as needed both for the LO's individual needs and also for the day to day happenings such as additional stimulation or a short nap or nap refusal meaning that there would be a need to adjust the rest of the day.  There needs to be an understanding of LO's needs and to always be respectful of LO, an amount of flexibility, whilst also working towards the stable routine and one that fits as well as it can with the family as a whole.

Whilst I don't think you should "force" much in the way of routine, especially for a very young baby, I also don't think there is a harm in setting up wake up times so long as you are offering a good night length and naps.  If LO is regularly sleeping later in the morning and you are having to wake him then perhaps an earlier BT would help so the night length is not short for example.

[Katet]

I remember someone telling me "never wake a sleeping baby for the sake of a "X hourly feed", but never put your life or a siblings life on hold because of the fear of waking them"

I have a friend with a 10y, a 7yo & a NB... the newborn gets woken all the time, because the baby just has to fit around the older children's needs & honestly the Mum says this is her easiest baby yet... I think because she's so busy with the family lifestyle (they are a busy family) she quite simply just relaxes and enjoys the baby.

What I'm trying to say is waking or not waking a sleeping baby isn't about what books or people advise, it's about what makes for the least stressed Mum & the happiest Mum... where Mum is feeling more relaxed it's pretty much the best thing for the baby. If waking the baby keeps the routine in a place that keeps you comfortable then it IS the most important thing to do... you aren't following a set of instructions to build a house, you are on a journey building a relationship with a fellow human being, one who picks up on your energy. If your energy is stressed then try to do something to help it, as (from experience of a Mum who had anxiety & PPD) it never gets "easier" when you find the perfect routine, it gets easier when you can find the willingness to embrace the journey with its hurdles & zig zags.

Do what you think is right for you, not what a book says & if it doesn't come off, that doesn't mean you aren't doing it right, it just means that you are in a human relationship that has compromises & is constantly evolving.

[JCN]

Thank you both. Great advice.

I do only believe in potentially waking baby first thing in the morning - taking baby’s lead throughout the day and then perhaps beginning to set a BT once a rough pattern starts to emerge. I think for my own sanity I will need to start trying to get baby into the habit of WU at approx 6:30-7 each morning, as this will not only work best for me in terms of school runs but more importantly work best for HIM as it will allow me to better meet his needs. Or at least I hope! If it doesn’t pan out then I can say I tried I guess.

Thank you both again. It lovely to get advice for setting a routine that considers the fact that the needs of the entire family need to be met.

[Martini~]

Just for you to know, I woke my babies throughout their first weeks constantly. With DS1 during first weeks only but I was very thorough to feed him at least every 3h during the day. With DS2 I woke him for months as he is a low sleep needs baby but prefers day sleep instead of night sleep. I also woke both at later stage to keep a reasonable bedtime and it worked very well for both.

I strongly believe in a set BT not only as a useful thing for a baby/toddler, but also for a family or parents as a beneficial one. We all need to exist and live through first weeks/years/months of their childhood and trying to adjust your AND your baby schedule/routine to match doesn’t seem to be a bad thing at all. So I believe it’s fine to wake your baby if you still try to adjust to your baby and offer sleep somewhere through the day. With my experience - waking at proper time only resulted in more sleep later.

And at the end you are having a child and it’s not like whatever you do with him or her will stay with you both forever. Try capping a nap or waking him earlier - if he doesn’t like it and his mood will go down, you will just try your old schedule. With my first LO I was so afraid of changes which still come every couple of days, and now I know this whole stress about scheduling is not worth it. If you feel it, just try and see if it works out. If not, you will just ride it out with not matching schedules. It shall pass:)!