Author Topic: How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently  (Read 351 times)

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Offline mulvia

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How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently
« on: December 13, 2018, 19:33:34 pm »
Hello everyone!
DS2 is 16mo, used to be a fantastic IS, but since we moved him to a floor bed around 13 months and we have been staying with him while he falls asleep: first to get him used to the new position and new bed, help him learn how to get in and out and such. Then there's been a seemingly endless chain of things (illness, teething, SA, getting rid of the paci, more illness, more teething, you know..!) so right now we're still staying in the room until he falls asleep. Sometimes it takes a while, but generally requires only a hand on his tummy or touching his foot, just some kind of contact to know you're there. So it's not too bad, but I wonder how can we go about getting out of this habit, and also if it's what may be causing multiple NW still. He only STTN a handful of times, and at this stage gets up, comes to our room, one of us takes him back to bed and he goes back to sleep. This may happen up to 4 times per night, and some of those he lies down but springs back up if he he still not fully asleep when we try to leave. We set up a pillow and blanket next to their beds (he shares with 3yo brother) so we can rest while we're there, but it's still exhausting.
With regards to day routine, he (mostly) dropped the morning nap, and he generally sleeps better in the afternoon and at night this way, but at times (especially and grandparents' where he is less active) he's impossible to keep awake so he has a 20-30 min catnap.
Any insight will be much appreciated!
« Last Edit: December 13, 2018, 19:56:30 pm by mulvia »

Offline mulvia

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Re: How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2018, 19:55:26 pm »
I would also like to add, although it may be a topic for a different board, that he's having world-class screaming tantrums during the day sometimes. Mostly sparked by something he's not allowed to do, or wanting to get up in my arms when I can't hold him or have to put him down because I need to start dinner or similar.
I have never experienced anything like that with DS1 so I'm a bit confused - he screams until his voice gets all raspy, he's all red and gasping and will keep trying to climb onto me BUT when I pick him up he kicks his legs around like he's uncomfortable and he's hard to hold. His canines are coming so sometimes we have given him pain killers thinking that was the cause, and it seemed to help but I don't think that's always the problem. This can go on for up to half an hour, and I would like to help him work it out by himself but unless we offer a 'worthy' distraction (a drink of milk, food, going outside or something to watch) he's sooo distressed. Then, from nowhere, it will go away and he'd be all smiley again. Anyone had anything similar?

Offline cath~

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Re: How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2018, 11:34:49 am »
I'd suggest using the gradual withdrawal method for the sleep issue.  There is a description here:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

I used it with both my DDs and it worked really well.  Once I wasn't staying with them when they fell asleep, I found the NWs stopped almost completely.  The key is to keep pressing fwd with it and not get stuck at a particular point.

For your second post - I'd try posting it on the D&S board here:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=54.0

I'm sure you'll find people who have some helpful advice :)
DD1 - 8 years old
DD2 - 5 years old

Offline mulvia

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Re: How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2018, 14:21:57 pm »
Thanks Cath! I know everyone's different, but what character do your DDs have? And with regards to the floor bed, since he tends to wander out of bed and try to sit on/with me, would you keep putting him back more firmly or should I let him roam around the room a bit while inviting him to get back in bed? He's angel/spirited (used to be more Angel, now definitely more spirited..!!) and real clingy at times.

Offline cath~

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Re: How to remove stay-in-room sleep association gently
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2018, 11:10:15 am »
DD1 is sensitive/spirited.

DD2 is pretty textbook but with a touch of spirit - she can be very stubborn, and gets worked up quite easily.

Both of them were very clingy/attached to me when they were younger but DD1 (8 years old) is pretty independent now (more so than quite a lot of her peers).

I'd try and get him back into the bed but it's tricky cos you don't want to make it into a game.  What happens when you direct/guide him back into bed?  Does he go?  What time is he having the catnap? I'm just wondering if he's tired enough at BT or whether a late (?) catnap is making it harder for him to settle.

Sometimes when a LO is UT at BT, it can look a lot like SA but actually they're just not quite tired enough yet.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2018, 11:15:45 am by cath~ »
DD1 - 8 years old
DD2 - 5 years old