19 month old tantrums at night unless mommy takes him

[Ilijansmum]

Hello! My DS has never been a good sleeper, but recently he'd made good progress, either sleeping through or waking only once. And he would fall asleep easily, with me, DH or grandmas, at daycare as well. But starting a week ago, he won't fall asleep without me and won't resettle unless I walk in. I tried sending in DH, but he cries, screams and kicks, once for 40 min and still won't calm down. He started having tantrums during daytime as well if I don't do what he asks for, and won't have his father do it instead. Even for simple things, like pick him up or give him water. Is it separation anxiety? We never had this before what should I do? please help!

[Haribo2012]

Hi there tiring as it is it’s just another phase of development and learning that you are a separate person to him. It’s also learning about what he can and can’t control as such. Both of my kids had phases where only mummy can do xyz....last night my nearly 7 year old had a fit as daddy poured his milk not mummy!?
Best thing I would suggest is give him lots of attention and lots of choices, it will pass. If you are not around obviously someone else will have to tend to his needs but with mine I’ve also kind of indulged these clingy times and tried to think they won’t be teeny tiny forever.

[Ilijansmum]

Thank you so much for your reply! With all that I read I didn't want to encourage his "little tyrant" behaviour, but two weeks later I just want to avoid tantrums and have some peace. So I'll definitely do what you suggest. All the best!

[Haribo2012]

There is a big developmental leap and sleep regression around 18 months so it could all be tied in.
I’d still try and set some rules so maybe try and distract before tantrum escalated or see if there is a
Pattern as lots of little ones gets angry or upset when they are hungry or tied etc or even when they are frustrated and can’t do what they want.
You could try saying do you want to help daddy get your water and lifting her to the tap to hold the cup or saying you chose a book for daddy to read to
you.
If that makes sense x

[Katet]

I (so I was told by people) would make a rod for my own back by indulging the demands. Thing is I’m now the one with independent easygoing teens, while the Mum who picked on me loads and ‘would not indulge in that soft behaviour with her son’ is having A LOT of issues now he is a teen and , they don’t have a great relationship and the counsellor they see says the connection as a big part. I’ve read lots about connection and the primary trust relationship is the foundation to all later ones, so as much as you can build that trust rather than see it as a mini tyrant.
Also acknowledge his feelings when you can’t, but also remember sometimes it’s a spill over emotion from lots of little things and also it can be really nothing to do with the small issue but just too many small issues have happened and they need the consistency of the normal person to gain equilibrium again. Think of it like who you would go to when a big sad event, in a toddler big sad events happen hourly because their emotions are so confused as they are still developing. It’s a journey not a destination.