Hi
My DD2 was like yours in that she just wouldn't feed herself as a baby! I remember wondering around 9 mo why she wouldn't feed herself. I'd offer her a mixture of finger foods and purees/mushed food but she wouldn't pick it up herself. If I held her finger food (or a spoon) in front of her mouth then she'd lean forwards to eat it.
I just kept offering and eventually she started doing it herself. IT wasn't that she lacked the motor skills or anything like that. Just an odd "quirk" I think (or maybe she didn't want to get messy..??).
Anyway, I just wanted to reassure you that I had the same thing and it all resolved itself (I'm pretty sure by the time she was 12 mo she was doing it herself) without me really having to do anything, other than regularly giving her the opportunity to do it herself.
Hopefully some one else can reply about your other qn
I think I was offering 2/3 small solid meals a day around 10 months, and she was on 3 meals/day by 12.