any april/may 05 moms want to chat?

[Lucysmom]

Hello Ladies -

So sorry to barge in on your thread but was wondering if I could pick your collective brilliant mommy brains!   

My dd will be 3 months tomorrow so she is a bit younger than your little ones even though she is a May baby.  She has just restarted the infamous and terrible 45 minute naps and she is not interested in eating every 3 hours.  It seems that the solution is to start moving to the 4 hour easy very slowly.  Tracy says to clock watch when making the transition but others have said to watch for her cues.  :?:  What did you do?  She can happily go 3.5 even 4 hours between feeds but awake time is another issue.  It just seems that no matter how little/long she is awake, she cannot seem to make it through the 45 minute jolts and the subsequent jolts as she moves into another sleep cycle.  I had her awake time at 1.5 hours for a little over 2 weeks and she never had a 45 minute nap and I actually I always had to wake her from her naps to feed her.  But she stopped being able to get through the jolts and thus her naps shortened.  Did any of you face this with your babies?  I know that the third month is a wonky one in terms of sleep, but this is depressing!!!!!    I have been staying with her during her naps and patting her as needed and I just cannot understand how my patting is not going to turn into a prop.  I have not done pu/pd as patting seems to work thus far.  I cannot say though that she can fall asleep independently.  I need to get her quite drowsy then put her in her crib and pat for a while.

I am rambling---so sorry but am frustrated.  I was just getting used to some ME time and now we are back at square one it seems.  Do you have any advice as to how you got through this?  How long did it last?  Also what did you do about the fact that the times don't add up in the book when doing the transition (i.e. it says S at 12:15 and 1.25 nap yet it says E should be at 1:15)? 

Any advice or encouragement would really be appreciated!!!!  I hope you all have lovely weekends with your babies!

[Katet]

Hi Melissa,
Firstly the book is a guide & I think if you follow it to the letter, you will end up stressed & depressed, every baby is different (thank goodness 2 of my first & I would be in a nut house)
the 45min naps are difficult & it is a product of not long or too long awake time. The key is to keep trying to resettle, at 3mo 1.5 hours awake time is really what you would expect your lo to be able to do, so I woul suggest doing 3.5 hour EASY & maybe one 4 in a day. I actually had to go back from 3.5/4 to 3/3.5 as my lo does such long stretches, I can't get 5 feeds in anyother way.
What I did with my ds#1 & sometimes do with #2 is EASASE, not ideal, but this time around it fits our routine. What you could do is EAS, then after the 45min nap, put her in the pram & go for a walk, if you cover her so she can't see the world, she is getting down time, which I was advised with my first is the next best thing to sleep. As I am on ds#2, I have had to go with the flow of ds#1's activities & so I concentrate on making sure I get his middle of the day sleep going well, so I get a big 2-3 hour then & catnaps the rest of the time.
i guess what I am trying to put forward is that Tracy gives her information as a guide & her key message is to follow your lo's sleep cues.
Also do you pat until she is right to sleep or just settled & fussing a bit, because if you are patting right off to sleep then you are a prop, if you leave her to try & get off when she is fussing then if she wakes up at 45mins, then she may need to fuss to get back off... I still have troubles with the fussing bit, but I am learning it is better not to rush in, at least I can distract myself with my ds#1

[Lucysmom]

Thanks for your reply, Kate.  I will just have to trust myself in reading Lucy's cues and work on getting her to sleep independently. We have had some victories with that (I think).  I have been able to get her nice and calm, either doing the vacant stare or eyes starting to droop, and then put her in crib and she has gone to sleep (I left my hand on her though....but I was not patting).  A few times she has almost fallen asleep on me and I pick her up and hold her face close to mine and say, "Lucy, you are going into your crib now.  Night night." And that wakes her up and she knows she is going in her crib so her last memory before falling asleep is not being on mommy.  Does all of that sound ok?  This past week I left her a few times to see if she could settle herself at the 45 minute point if she woke completely, and she was never able to do it.  I can usually extend her naps by patting if I get there before she fully awakes.

Thanks again Kate for taking the time to reply what with your two boys and your busy life.  You're a very generous person! 

[Katet]

Melissa sounds like you are doing really well. When I put Liam down at night he often falls asleep during the bf, so we go to Dad & Aiden, who are getting ready for bed & say good night, which almost always wakes him up enough to "be awake" to go to sleep.
Keep at the patting to resettle, eventually she should go through the stage herself. But also try to see if you can get her off to sleep without your hand on her.
To me the key is to lessen your involvement (gradually), sometimes, it can be 1 step foreward, one back, but it does slowly get there...try taking your hand off earlier  earlier, as she may need it there to go back to sleep as she goes through a light sleep phase, as she associates it with being there. What I did with ds #1 at one stage was put my hand on for 1sec, take it off for 3, back on for 1, & over time gradually go it to 1 in 10 then stopped doing it.
I 'm happy to share things, I had the roughest time with Aiden & I am so blessed with a dream baby in Liam, I have realised if I can help just one mother from half the stress I had with my first then it was worth it. Sometimes I am amazed we decided to have a second after all we went through with Aiden, but I'm so glad we did (esp as both of them are asleep at the same time!)

[marlowho]

Do any of you watch "The View"?  (US Mommies, I guess.) Anyway... Joy Behar, the comedian, was saying on there how we women always have something that we have to be "perfect" at.  It used to be being the perfect "housewife"- not mother.  Several years ago people used to say "I'm just happy if they make it to their 18th birthday."  But now, Mommyhood has become the new "I've got to be perfect at it" syndrome. 
Even though she was making a joke, it struck a chord w/ me. 
Anyway... hope you all are doing great- & are ok w/ yourselves even when you don't have a "perfect" day!
Noel is doing fine.  She had her growth spurt last week (right on time!) & I literally noticed a huge diffreence in her weight between Sun-Thurs.  That carseat felt SO much heavier- plus she's added a few rolls on her thighs that I noticed during her diaper changes.  Yeah!  She's finally putting on some real baby weight!   Our naps aren't perfect, but they're ok.  She still fusses to sleep (can't go to sleep independently)- but that's ok too. 
As for the DH problem (I have one very similar to the ones you're all describing)- just leave him in charge no matter what it takes.  If you are there, in the house, you will be suckered in and never get out of the house.  I actually left DH in charge 2x on Friday (The first was a work mtg, the second was true me time.)  Anyway... I had several cell phone calls- but I made it so I could not come bail him out (I would have in a true emergency)- & it built his confidence b/c I couldn't be there to tell him what to do.  Though 2x in one day was a bit much for him.  Anyway... I couldn't leave when Madeline was a baby-ever!  And this time around I need to leave- for work some times & for my sanity others!  Anyway... that's my experience w/ this.
And to all of you mommies going back to work- BIG (((HUGS)))!!! 
Glad Taylor's surgery went well.
Hope everyone is doing well.  -& Kate- your questions have helped me-I try to keep those things in mind everyday!

[s_olano00]

Hi there!

I just found this thread some days ago and I would like to join your community if it's not too late  :wink:

I am the mother of Anna Krisztina, born on Friday, May 13th (we have a black cat, so it makes sense!). She is a mix of Spirited / Textbook baby, but rather leaning to the spirited side. We are transitioning to the 4 hour EASY routine and things are definetly smoother than how they were 1 month ago.  She has become a fussy eater (bobbing on and off and on top, she tends to pull her hair while eating) and usually I need to swaddle her really tight before going to sleep (although she is not that keen on that), otherwise she will wake up due to her wailing little arms. Yesterday she found her thumb and she's in love with it (she never liked any paci I tried to give her, so it's a great relief for me), so from today, I am trying to leave one arm un-swaddled and I am crossing my fingers that she won't wake up.

Usually our days are smooth, although it takes a lot of creativity and energy from my side to keep her entertained for 2 hrs. The big issue is the night..... usually she won't go to sleep until she's overtired (she can spend 4 hours awake). We have a going-to-sleep ritual that works perfectly during the day, but not in the night. Lately I've been keeping a close watch and try to figure out what's wrong. I had to change her bath time to mid-morning and I have changed the type of activities we make since 4 pm so she won't be over-stimulated. It is kind of working, but not completely, so I am still figuring the way to "crack her down" 

I've been reading your posts and I can totally relate to all your issues, specially to Krice. Around 6 weeks, DD also started to have major issues while eating (crying furiously, arching her back, etc,etc) and it made me mad that her Ped would say that "it was nothing". I took her to several Docs (even a Gastroenterologist - my sister has reflux, so I thought DD had it too) and after 3 docs saying that she only had gas, I belived them. They prescribed me 2 meds: Infacol and Espumisan that worked OK, but what really did the trick was a little rubber tube that I had to instert in my DD's butt every morning. As soon as she felt that she had something in there, she would try to push it out, hence, all the gas in her tummy would come out. Sometimes she would sound like a balloon loosing air: pppppppffffffff and if she was constipated (it happened constantly at that point) the pushing  would also help her to have a bm. Also, something that really worked was the advise of a very kind doctor that could see that I was going nuts; she told me to STAY CALMED. She told me that if my DD could feel that I was stressed while feeding her, she would become stressed too and would make the feeding worse. It might be a very obvious thing, but sometimes it's good to keep it in mind.

About the DH playing the "she doesn't like me" card, I get it every weekend, but what I do is that instead of taking the baby, I give him ideas how he can entertain her.

Well, I think this post is long enough to be the first one.

Have a good day everyone!!

[cambeladamom]

welcome s_olano00. it is nice to have you:) i was excited to see that you live in hungary. my mom is going on a trip there in a few months.
i have to comment on the "stay calm" when breastfeeding advice. when my ds screamed and jerked away every time i tried to feed him, my mom kept telling me to stay calm so he wouldn't feel my tension. it used to frustrate me so much when she would tell me that b/c i thought how on earth can you be calm with a screaming baby at your breast? but you are right, i guess our babies can feel our tension. i just thought it was funny:)
things here are good. nights are going so much better since we took away the paci, and naps seem to be going better as well. he will go about 1.5 hrs. i used to try to make him go longer, but now i just don't fight it. 1.5 hrs. seems to be good for him.
my MIL is here today so i have some extra ME time which is nice. my dh and i may go out tonight:)
hope everyone is doing well. andrea, i was so glad to hear that taylor's surgery went well.

[jjstar]

welcome s_olano00!

Well things are going pretty good hear. Jameson went down at 7:15 last night and I finally woke him up at 8 this morning (DF at 10:30 & another feed at 4). I was happy with that!

Are any of you experiencing possible teething issues? I think we there but I just don't know for sure.

Well I'm off to finish a scrapbook page before he wakes up.

[Katet]

welcome s-olano00, I have to agree also the stay calm part... such a hard, but valuable skill for motherhood... i do regular relaxation breathing, when ever I notice anxiety, which was a big problem for me with PPD & maybe why I have so far escaped it this time (touch wood things stay that way)

Marlo glad the questions help... it is hard to keep the person/couple rather than mother perspective.  I know I struggle with the perfectionism side all the time. I'm a virgo, so it is my nature anyway, but after having PPD with Aiden, I have learnt to accept that I can only do my best & loving my children as much as I can, makes me a perfect mother no matter what!!

Last night we had our worst night in ages. Liam woke at 11.30, then 2.30 & 5.30, I didn't feed at 2.30 ( he was wet) but I fed at 11.30, which I wouldn't normally as yesterday was disrupted, we had a Sydney BW get together (great to meet other mothers her) & Liam had a nap in the car, 40min trip & I wanted to feed him there, but he would have nothing of it , got the most upset I have ever seen & after about 20mins (seemed longer) I got him off to sleep & he slept all the way home too, so went 6.5 hours without a feed...I discovered why when we got home & I gave him tummy time, he has a cold!! poor fellow, it took him nearly an hour to get to sleep (with my help...very unusual) & then added to which Aiden woke screaming (nightmares I think) so I ended up sleeping on a mattress on the floor of his room... oh well the plus side was I don't get to snuggle up to him & hold his hand sleeping much & he is growing up so fast... getting new carpet in his room tomorrow & he moves into a "big boy bed"... Yeh no more putting Liam in the pack & play at night... day sleeps he has been sleeping on a bed buffered by pillows, but rolling is close, so the cot will be very timely

[Jamom]

welcome s_olano00!

Katet-- sorry to hear about the cold.  Jake had one at the beginning of the month and he was feeling terrible.  You feel so sorry for them because they just can't do anything about it --- e.g., blow their nose, etc. 

Well, I am off to work tomorrow.  Just spent the winddown period crying as I tried to explain to Jake why I needed to go back to work and what was going to happen.  If he can understand me, there wsa no way he could threw those tears.  Thanks for all the hugs and support about going back to work.  It is going to be difficult.

[jjstar]

Good luck tomorrow Erin. Just think how excited you LO will be when you get home.

Kate, I hope that Liam is feeling better soon!

[mommytsa]

Erin, I wish you the best of luck going back to work.  I've been back for a week now, and it has been very hard on all of us.  I worry about DS the whole time I'm at work, and he has been very cranky, upset and difficult during the day, then hard to settle at night.  I think he's confused and misses his mommy.   :cry:   But he does light up when I come home, and that makes it a little easier.  Hopefully soon everything will be better and he'll be happily bobbing along on a schedule again.  I hope you and your LO have an easier transition than we've had.

[Jamom]

Thanks everyone.  I am sitting here just devastated...like if I don't go to bed my first day at work tomorrow won't come.   And my dh is giving Jake his DF and Jake is crying and all I want to do is run into the room but I know that I should be sleeping so I can make it through a work day tomorow.  Jake's crying during the DF is a new development, he wakes up and gets so upset because he is tired that he can't seem to take the DF calmly.  When he finally takes it, he takes a full feed so it can't be because he doesn't need it.  I just don't know why this has developed in the last couple of weeks.

Thanks again for all the support!!!

[Katet]

Erin & mommytsa, your lo's could well be picking up some of your emotions... our lo's can breath it in like a perfume.
It is all normal, think about it this way for your lo's it is like if you had moved to China, without having a chance to plan for it, everything is different & pretty scary too.

When I went back to work Aiden was 6mo & he had been sleeping 10-11 hours overnight for about a month & the night before he started childcare, my second day at work (dh looked after him the first to transition us all) he woke up heaps all night  & it took ages for us to settle into the new routine. It is so hard, you have this amazing bond, a love never imaginable & you have to leave them... but unfortuantely that is life, at least they are there at the end of the day for you to cuddle & to put a positive spin on it, they must be missing you to be unsettled & that behaviour gives you more time to cuddle them!!!

[krice]

Wow - can't believe the number of posts.

We survived our vacation to the in-laws!    The expected 9 hr drive took 11 hours, but DS managed to sleep for about 5 and a half of them.  I am so pleased to say that after about 3 weeks of feeding issues/struggles we have finally overcome them!!!  Yes! Yes! Yes!  Matthew is now showing feeding cues regularly and wants his bottle - no more screaming/ pushing the nipple out/ frantic head turns  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: I couldn't agree more with staying relaxed.  I have to admit, I wasn't the greatest at staying calm during the thick of things, but would try my best to do so.  We have stopped thickening our bottles (with rice cereal) - DS spits up much more, but seems to be doing alright.

Marlowho -  . . . re: perfect mommy topic . . . this also strikes a chord with me.  I remember seeing on Oprah a while back quite a controversial show.  Her guest was Ayelet Waldman who claimed, "I love my husband more than I love my children," in a provocative essay.  You can check it out at http://www.oprah.com/tows/booksseen/200504/tows_book_20050420_kmose_b.jhtml

Now to say this outloud I may be throwing myself out on a limb but I agree . . . I love my son dearly, I love my husband even more.  I know this may sound harsh to some of you, but to be perfectly honest I have seen a friend put the raising of her children before the needs of her relationship with their partner and now are going through divorce - after being together for 16 years.  I firmly believe in order to have a healthy family, you must have a healthy relationship (and that relationship needs to be constantly nourished).  I have observed many of my friends place the needs of their children first (trying to be the perfect mommies), and all too often I have seen these same couples struggle through some extremely difficult times because 1 person feels 'neglected'.  I think the best gift we can give to our children is the first hand experience of what it is like to see a healthy relationship between 2 loving and commited adults.  If any of you saw that show you may remember how Ayelet was crucified for writing that article, she was being honest (and so am I).  Enough about that . . . if I have offended anyone I'm sorry.

OK - off of the heavy stuff  :wink:

s_olano00 welcome aboard - it's always nice to have more mommies join in.  This has been a great way to get awesome tips and suggestions (and to get to know one another and our LO's).  I hope more mommies that are lurking out there join in too!

Maria (Cambel's Mom) - re: relaxing about the 1hr 30 minute nap.  I have done the exact same thing.  This vacation taught me that I need to loosen up a little and not take this baby whispering stuff too seriously.  My DS has shorten his naps to the same amount and instead of trying to get him back down I now enjoy him when he gets up.  He seems so much happier and so do I.

Jil (JJstar) - teething . . . what are the signs/symptoms your LO has?  Any:     
    * Irritability, restlessness / sleeplessness
    * Sore, red gums, finger sucking
    * Increased dribbling
    * Red skin around the mouth and in the neck creases from dribbling
    * Fussiness with feeds
    * Loss of appetite
I was beginning to suspect the same thing as Matthew had a number of these, but DS seems to have proven me wrong once again (I think).  I guess I'll only know for sure when I finally see a little white tooth poking though . . .

Kate - Isn't the potential roll so exciting???  I find myself anticipating the roll any day now.  So sorry to hear about the rough night with Liam.  It's nice to know that even Angels can have their moment(s).  We had a strange night with Matthew too - he woke at 3am screaming - only a bottle would calm him.  I don't know what is going on . . . could this be his true 3 month growth spurt since he was over 3 weeks premature?  Who knows anything anymore - not I. :wink:

Erin (Jamom) - best wishes for your return to work.  I just talked to DH today about perhaps staying off for longer than we anticipated . . . not sure when I will return.  I'm sending good vibes your way.

Anyway - sorry for such a long post.  I was so eager to come back and read how each of you were doing.