Author Topic: I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please  (Read 5948 times)

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Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« on: July 18, 2005, 20:44:05 pm »
Hi.Emily is 18 months old.She is very clingy and has been since she was about 4 months old.The daytimes have been a nightmare anyway with screaming,clawing,pulling at me etc.Although with the help of my health visitor this is slowing down.About 2 weeks ago DD wouldn't go to sleep,have not had any problems with this before,but she keeps screaming and shaking the cot about 10-15 mins after we put her to bed.I tried the 1,2,3,4 minute etc thing.That didn't work,so I took her out for a cuddle and juice and she went straight to sleep.She now has worked her way through the night of staying awake and wanting cuddles,she screams as soon as she goes back to the cot.Last night she woke at 1am.By 4am I was at the end of my tether and had to leave her in the cot.She fell asleep at 4.45am.I've tried PU/PD as well.
She started teething at 3 months and most of them are through.She doesn't seem in any pain.Most paracetamols and ibruprofens make her hyper.
My other daughter Jessica is nearly 4 and is finding it hard.
Please anyone,can you help me.I'm so desperate now.
Thanks
Sarah
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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Offline SandyGal

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2005, 17:13:42 pm »
Hi Sarah:

You mentioned that you tried several different things. Maybe she is just confused? Also, it is hard to think of it as manipulation, but if your daugther is healthy as you say, it sounds like she found a way to get what she wants, mom and cuddles. Doesn't sound so horrible, right? But, when it is interrupting sleep it is! My only idea is to add some extra cuddle time into her bedtime routine and then get back to putting her to bed on her own. How was she falling asleep before the trouble started? Did she just do her routine and then fall asleep on her own in the crib? My other idea is that perhaps the changes during the day are causing a temporary blip in her nights. Consistency is the only thing that will bring a routine pattern back.

HTH,
Sandy-Mom to Kyra (1-7-04) and Kylan (9-20-05)


Offline elfin

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2005, 17:15:46 pm »
Hi Sarah,

Have you ruled out anything medical?  My ds just went through something similar to this and he ended up having an ear infection.

Post back and let me know, and if that is not the case then we can look at what her day is like, how she goes to bed, etc..

Carrie
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Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2005, 13:03:44 pm »
Thanks for the replies.Emily has always been clingy and has cried almost constantly from 4 months.About 2 months ago on holiday I stood on the edge of a cliff with her thinking it would be so easy.I didn't think WHAT would be so easy,just the sentence.After that I knew I needed help.The Health visitor is fab and helped me through.Because she was always so good at night I knew once she was in bed I could relax.
I don't know what started the night problems.I always have to cuddle her anyway so she gets lots of love before bed.I think maybe she is stringing me along with the cuddles.Checked with doctor yesterday.No problems there.
Have decided to persue PU/PD for as long as it takes now and I am taking a herbal supplement called Kalms,a Godsend.
ANy other tips may be good though.
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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Offline SandyGal

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2005, 01:01:25 am »
My other advice is to post every night so that you feel supported in what you are trying to do. The women here are great at giving support during transitions. I'm glad you were able to get help with her. What techniques is the health advisor helping you with? Is she helping her to learn a little independence from mommy? I'm glad she is healthy and it is always a great idea to have lo looked at by a doctor before starting a transition. I always do just to make sure that physically everything is fine and we just need to get back on track with the routine.
Sandy-Mom to Kyra (1-7-04) and Kylan (9-20-05)


Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2005, 12:50:59 pm »
Hi,I feel like a complete fraud now.Dd has all 4 molars coming through!!!!
Have just seen the red swollen gums.I promise they were not there yesterday.Thanks for all of your help.
In answer to the health visitor question,she told me to think of myself as a lion and dd as a lioncub.When I am upset or am trying to push her away or even try to run out of the room she feels threatened so she hangs on to me.We then go around in cirlcles and both cry.Now when I'm leaving the room for example I tell her where I'm going and if she jumps up to come with me I take her by the hand and bring her with me.Also if I'm in the kitchen then I now put her on the counter with me.It's getting better by the day.
I will keep asking for the support I need for the night time while these molars are coming through if no one minds.It's such a great site.
Thanks to all
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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Offline elfin

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2005, 15:46:43 pm »
Well I am glad to hear you found out what was going on, although I know first hand that molars are not fun!

You could try some pain meds about 20 min. before bed to see if that helps.  Hopefully once they are all through she'll bounce right back.

Carrie
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Offline SandyGal

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2005, 18:44:46 pm »
Molars are really hard! Dd is getting her last eye tooth now. I noticed that she is starting to tolerate the pain more :( , we usually only have one bad sleep night periodically with the teeth, but it makes her VERY challenging during the day. We just started swim class and she just whines and cries so much (and she LOVES the pool). I finally gave her some Motrin during the day (I try to only give it at night if she is having trouble) and she was like a different kid! Poor thing. I hope those teeth pop through quickly.
Sandy-Mom to Kyra (1-7-04) and Kylan (9-20-05)


Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2005, 20:30:13 pm »
Since I have realised it is the teeth keeping her awake I think I have chilled out a bit.For the last 2 nights she has gone to bed with a tiny drop of liquid paracetamol rubbed onto her gums and has been fine.
Again,thanks so much for the support.
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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Offline Johno & Aurelias Mum

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I'm desperate for sleep.Any ideas please
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2005, 09:30:17 am »
Hi

I think the molars may have been making her particularly down but have you thought you may have a separation anxiety problem here.  If she's anxious of your whereabouts in the day and crying at night that's very similar to a stage that DS went through (although younger it can stricke any time they realise their independence).

Trouble is, the thinking of it a stantrums and controlled crying at night will make it worse.  I was lucky ans saw one of Tracy's programs about it and realised I was doing all the wrong things.

During the day, when they are clinging on, they are basically saying they a scared of being alone in the big world.  If you pick them up, you rescue them and therefore cinform their fears.  You have to get down on the floor and reassure them.  Then I found I had to have lots of DS height toys hidden around the place so I could then distract him.

At night, We had a plan of saying in with him for several nights then gradually moving away but going back when he was upset.  Thus proving that I was always there for him, he just had to shout and gradually his confidence came back.

I've a friend who did controlled crying at about the same time as we were doing this and now she's got a terrible confidence problem on her hands so I just thought I'd share in case another perspective was helpful once you get past the molars.
Jenny


Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2005, 19:50:05 pm »
After I posted my last message dd woke up and stayed up last night.I think Jenny you are right.All she wants is me.When I picked her up last night she snuggled into my shoulder and stopped crying but when I went to put her back she started screaming again.I have tried to stay in the room and slowly back out.I did see the program when I had Jessica (4).Emily just screams so much when I'm in the room.I am going to go back to the 1 minute,2 minutes etc.But I will persist this time.
Also the days are getting better.I do tend to be on all fours most of the time.I also have a chalkboard easel in the lounge now and just hand dd chunky chalk when she gets clingy.
Thankyou Jenny I will let you know how I get on.

I MUST BE STRONG AND NOT GIVE IN !!!!!!!
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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Offline Johno & Aurelias Mum

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« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2005, 20:03:29 pm »
I have to say I wouldn't do the controlled crying thing.  I know its what the HV's recommend.  It was suggested to me when DS had this problem before and I couldn't see how leaving them longer and longer to cry would teach them anything but you have have to make an even bigger fuss to get them to come back.

It took us 10 days to get back on track with the blow up bed method which I didn't think was too bad.
Jenny


Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2005, 20:15:51 pm »
I think you're right.It worked great when Jessica was a baby.But with Emily it just didn't work before.I may try the air bed,but dd just wants to grab me as soon as she sees me.I will think about it again.Maybe will be strong enough to do tomorrow.Will let you know.
Sarah
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Offline Johno & Aurelias Mum

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« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2005, 20:23:28 pm »
I'll help you come up with a plan if you like.  You do feel better when you have a plan to get you where you want to be!
Jenny


Offline jessica and emilys mummy

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« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2005, 19:31:31 pm »
Hi Jenny.Emily was up from 1.07am she had been sick,but was not ILL.I cleaned her up,changed sheets etc.Then it started.She would not go to sleep.I didn't put her straight back,obviously I thought she may be ill  so sat with her not talking but she fell asleep on me.I tried to stay in the room but as soon as she was in the cot she screamed and screamed.At one point she did settle slightly and every few minutes she called Mum.I just shushed her and it went quiet.I counted up to five minutes and thought she was asleep and crept out,then she went ballistic.As it was 4.25am I had to get out otherwise I would have lost my mind and left her to it.She cried for 20 mins then slept until 8.15am.
Please please tell me what I can do.I really don't want to sleep in her room,but is that the only way
Sarah-aka Dorfus Rhinofanny
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