Sooooo confused and depressed!

[Onewoman]

Morning  I'm sorry you are feeling so down. No one ever tells you how truly hard it is to have a new baby. Some try, but it's not until you are in it that you fully realise. I remember when I had Ella feeling such a failure - all I wanted was to be a good Mum and make her happy, but I didn't know what I was doing (I was only 19). She never slept well and as exhaustion set in, I also got very depressed. I also used to interpret her cries as something I was doing wrong which was not necesarily the case. I didn't know about what overtired and overstimulated babies do, which is scream their little heads off!

I'm glad you are getting some help and I do hope they help you sort things out at the sleep clinic. I wish I had had that opportunity!

Just to let you know I think you have done great! You may not have got Oscar sleeping through yet, but you have taught him a good wind down ritual (I think yours is lovely by the way), and which can only be of benefit to him and you have taught him that his cot is for sleeping in. You got 66% there! When I messed up with Ruby, I had a few days off to recover, get as much sleep as possible then tried again and it was much quicker. Maybe you will feel stronger in a few days or even more desperate for sleep, which was definitely my motivator!

Just to let you know, if Ruby is over tired she cries when I take her upstairs, it doesn't mean she's upset about going to bed, just that she is so damned tired she needs a cry. And we get like that to don't we? I know I do.

Hope you get a solution soon  Take care (((((HUGS))))))

[oscar10405]

Thank you, you have made me feel a little brighter.....will hopefully post a happier story soon!   

Lucky we live in different countries....you know I'd be offering you lots of money to come to my house and do it with me!

[chell]

Yes, please do let us know how you gt on.
Lots of love
Cherylxx

[Onewoman]

I wish I could come and help  It's so hard to try and explain things on here rather than face to face. If you want to forget about the sleep training for now and just talk about how you are feeling that's fine, I can still be here for some support if you want it:D

[alligirl]

Hello, Oscar's mum!

I've read through (and only skimmed some parts) this thread to see if there were any other thoughts I could give.  The other posters have given you wonderful information and support and I can't add much more than what they've already said, but.....

There were a few things you've said that have jumped ouy at me.  Basically, I wonder about his wind, the crying out of character, inability to settle for longer periods of time....have you talked to a doctor about any of your issues?  And peanut butter and chocolate made my lo extremely gassy when he was tiny...is there anything else you could be eating that might be causing his problems.  Also, I saw you mention giving him corn.  I've read that corn shouldn't be given to a baby younger than 18 months because it can be indigestible.  These may be shots in the dark, but it seems he has some kind of digestive problem.  I would definitely talk to your doc about it to see if he can give you any insight you haven't already thought about.

Good luck to you!  It sounds like things are getting better?? {{{HUGS}}}

[oscar10405]

Thanks Alli (and everyone for your support).  I do eat peanut butter from time to time so I can cut that out.  I don't feed him corn, or anything but booby milk!  I eat corn, maybe that's what I was saying!?  I've been to the GP twice and the clinic nurses - they all give me that sympathetic smile and say 'he'll grow out of it'.  Hopefully he will!

[oscar10405]

Back again - thought I would share this funny story as most of my posts have been  :cry: .

Today, Oscar went down for his afternoon nap with the usual p/u p/d fight, then woke at 40 mins, so I did the re-settling which took longer than it did to put him down in the first instance and more hysteria..etc.  Anyway, 40 mins later, as predicted, he woke up.  I thought "hmmm, I'm going to let you cry for a minute (he was NOT hysterical, just the usual yelling 'i'm up' cry). Anyway, there was quiet after about 30 seconds, then it started up again so I went into the room and saw him closing his eyes again - quiet.  I watched, and to my delight, he went back to sleep for another 45 mins.  I actually had to wake him because it was well past his feed time.  I decided to take a photo, knowing the flash would wake him!  I happened to catch him as he smiled in his sleep!  Cheeky bugger!

[chell]

Jane, wow! that is amazing! So you are doing ok after all.
Beautiful piccy. Impressed with your computer skills! I've been fiddling around for ages trying to get a piccy on.

cherylxx

[chell]

yes I know what you're thinking- I shouldn't have let him go to sleep on me!!!

[oscar10405]

Hi Cheryl - I didn't get too excited because he has these sleepy afternoons once every 6 weeks or so!  Last night and this morning has been hard again.  My husband and I have decided just to do our best for the next 3 weeks, not push anything with him and only do pu/pd for getting him to sleep and as far as extending past the 40 mins - only when he really, really needs more sleep, like the afternoon nap.  I hope the inconsistency doesn't cause problems (i think you or someone said you can concentrate on one nap for now anyway?....)

I think falling asleep on Mum is beautiful - I certainly wasn't thinking anything negative!

It took me a long time to put the photo on, and I only wanted to put a side version like you have, that's what I thought I was doing!  You're the clever one with your rosey border!

xx

[chell]

That sounds ok. I know you are just going to go with it at the moment, but one thing which I was wondering, was how quickley you go to him when he cries. It's just that in your last message you said that you left him for a short while as he wasn't really crying and he got himself back off. Maybe worth trying this again.
 Cherylxx

[oscar10405]

Yep, we did that, this morning, and he didn't sound like it was going to let up.  For his afternoon nap though (it took a long time to put him down, really upset as usual!) we heard him stir at 40 then he slept for almost 2 hours (in total).  Brilliant for him.  Not getting my hopes up though as the night was awful again (he woke up 10.30, 12.30, 2.00 (fed him), 4.30 (wanted to PLAY!? grrr), and 6.00) and he was hysterical today putting him down.  Anyway, we were really pleased he had a decent nap today. :roll:

I'm finding the 4 hour thing hard to follow too, he's always due just before or during a nap!?  If I feed him before a nap, I always leave it 10 mins or so before putting him down.  I swear sometimes that the booby is the only thing that calms him down when he's wired up.

We'll definitely keep doing the 'wait a couple of minutes and see' thing when he wakes up! xx

[Gareth - Harvey & Theo's Dad]

....I only wanted to put a side version like you have, that's what I thought I was doing.....

If you mean having a picture under your name, it's called an avatar.  You can put it on by going into your 'profile' and uploading it there, at the bottom of the screen in the Avatar Control Panel.  Information about picture and file size are there.  If you continue to have a problem and would prefer, then I can do it for you.

HTH

[chell]

Just wondering Jane - did you ever try controlled crying at all / (cry it out?) and does Oscar ever play happily in his cot when youre not there?

Cheryl

[oscar10405]

Hi Cheryl - that is funny that you ask that...

No, I've never done controlled crying, at this point (and I know that things change the more desperate you become) I'm opposed to it, that is I'm not into the idea at all.  I know that there are degrees of it, like some centres here advocate, 3 mins crying (you out the room), 3 minutes hands-on settling, and so on.  But I would NEVER let him cry himself to sleep (that's just me, I know it suits some Mums).  I've heard of some bubs crying for 30 minutes or so...alone, and that makes me sad to hear.  But, better be careful here, don't want to offend anyone.

The reason it's funny you asked is because today he got up at 5.50am.  I tried to leave him there for as long as I could be he got cranky so I got him up at 6am, fed him, then asked my husband to take him out so I could get an hour's kip.  Anyway, they came back in at 7.30, Oscar was nodding off on Mark's shoulder, so he put him down and he closed his eyes and went to sleep (ha ha...yeah right!), anyway, Mark left and I stayed trying to get some more sleep.  Sure enough, 5 or so minutes later, Oscar starts squirming and grunting and I know he's going to wake up.  He does this for about 10 mins then does a big poo!  I still pretend to be asleep (he hasn't seen me yet) and he wakes up, grizzles, then lies there for about 20 minutes, chatting and looking his fingers etc.  He started to get bored, then whinge, then cry so I picked him up.  He's still up now, happy and not very tired-looking.

So.........a long answer to your question!  Sorry! 

Another bad night....

Bed at 8.00pm (late because we had an evil afternoon session that went on for an hour or so)
Woke up at 9.00pm, back to sleep 9.30
I woke him up at 10.30pm for dream feed, back to sleep at 11.15pm (I don't know why these are called dream feeds for breast fed babies as he wakes as soon as I pick him up, then he needs a nappy change, then I need to burp him so the whole process takes ages!)
Then he woke at 2.30, I fed him (i always feed him once during the night)
Then he woke at 4.00am - and wanted to PLAY again - I had to do pu/pd for about about 20 minutes.  Sleep at 4.40am
Awake at 6.00.  Yay!  What a lovely night....not!

Why do you ask about controlled crying? xx