Hi Jane
Sorry I haven't posted for a few days - I have been having my own struggles and feeling pretty down too. I am also unwell, which makes being mummy even harder than normal!
Anyhow, I've been thinking about your question about the wind down for a spirited baby and it made me think about when I was first doing EASY with Ruby. The wind down is important, but what is equally important is what is going on in activity time.
I remember I had to keep her really calm, (I know I said this before, but here is more detail), as she was sooooo overtired and overstimulated. Over a week or so I didn't give her any toys and didn't play with her very much (and didn't let anyone else either!). I would have a litte play with her when she woke from a nap. One thing that calms her is being outside, so I would sit outside with her in her chair and read, giving her the odd smile and a bit of rocking or we would have a
little chat. Another thing that calms her is walks in the pushchair, but she has to be laying down, rather than sitting up, and not looking at too much stuff (which overstimulates her). Apart from those things, I brought her round the house with me while I did the housework (in her chair again). This seemed to keep her interested but kept her relaxed. I would give her smiles and a kiss now and again. I also had the tv off or on with low volume which helped a lot.
Over the first few days as she started to calm down, I would sit with her on my lap (her facing outwards) for long periods. Sometimes I would swing my legs gently side to side, or jiggle my knees a bit if she got fidgetty. I would do this for a good 20/30 minutes before nap time. I really enjoyed having all this cuddle time with her!
Also, as she generally started to relax, when I took her for a nap or bedtime, I gradually started to sit down while holding her. She liked me standing up too! I hold her to my chest by the way. If she started wriggling when I sat down, I would get up for a minute, then sit down again and keep doing that, trying to sit for longer each time. Also, I only did the patting when we sat. After a while she just got used to sitting down with me holding her, but it did take days. My back was so relieved!
I think if Oscar is more relaxed while he is awake, the normal wind down will be fine though he might need a good 20 mintues of it. (Shut curtains (I have it really dark), swaddle/put in grobag, sit quietly/do shh pat, put down). I hardly talk to Ruby when we go for sleepy time, and if I do it is very quietly. I find calming her physically with strokes and pats works better for her.
How close are you to getting Oscar going to sleep on his own? Does he just pass out when you do pu/pd for a while?
Let me know what you think