Yes, the patting, rubbing is the BW way! Like you said just try to move away when their eyes start closing, and they are calm. I was thinking of an analogy, so I could explain it to DH better, and I think it's a lot like teaching a child to ride a bike! At first you are holding the bike firmly, then gradually you take one hand off, you may have to put it back on again lots of times, but you watch the child, and get a sense of how much of it they are doing by themselves, until you can finally take your hands off completely. Then when they get back on the next day you might still have to hold the back of the bike again, but eventually they can do it on their own. I think the key is to be very observant and aware and try not to give anymore help than is required so they can become independent.
Sorry gotta go...will write more later.