Have to hold my hand - I need sleep!

[olivetshka]

Hello everyone,
My name is Anna, I'm from Poland, but living in Chicago right now. This is my first post here and I've got quiet hope, that anyone could help me.
My daughter Natalia is 18,5 months old and I haven't sleep through the night since she was born. She was never good sleeper - as newborn she usually naped 2-3 times a day for about 20 minutes. I was/am tired and desperate.
Natalia slept in her crib until she turned 7 months - but always woke up pretty often. After that she got cold and I took her into our bed. It wasn't so bad at all - I could feed her, hold her, she could also climb on my head during the night  :wink:
She was still waking several times at night. Right now I think I'm use to it, but also like to change something and catch some sleep.
My daughter has very strange habit - she HAS to hold my hand while she's falling asleep and pinch little bit my skin, pat etc. She HAS to have physical contact with me.
Even when she wake up at night, she can't back to sleep on her own - she needs my hand  :shock:
She sleeps on her twin mattress in our room - right now we can't got her own bedroom. Until last week she slept with us, but we decided to quit it.
Now she's on her own, but can't fall asleep without me.
I'm ready to do something about it, but I still think what's the best for us.
Should I leave the room? Should I stay? Sit next to her? Lie down? Take away my hand - forever?
I'm confused and stressed. Please help me change it!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

hi Anna,
            You sound like I did when I first joined.My daughter Emily is 19 months old and was waking up every night screaming for 3 - 4 hours.She also cried most of the day as well and with a 3 year old it was hard.
Some lovely people from this site told me what they had done for their children.
I have just started to put her in the cot.Go out of the door and count to 10.Then go back,say goodnight,lay her down and go out.Count to 10 and carry on until she is asleep.The first night she was asleep after 40 minutes and has been really great.
Emily likes to play with her own hair.You could try and get Natalia (cute name) to choose a new toy for her to take to bed and call it her special bed friend.
Good luck.Keep sending messages because it really helps to let it all out
Sarah xx

[olivetshka]

Thanks for the answer.
I just wonder how it's gonna be in our situation - we all sleep in one room. What should I do when she'll be awake at night? I can't go in, lie her down and leave. She will see me lying in the bed 
She got her new kitty toy today, she sleeps with him right now. But she's always like this - she take it to bed, snuggle, kiss and forget, because she's got me  :wink:
What is your opinion?

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi Anna,
The only thing I can think of is when she goes to bed try the 10 second counting and go out of the room and keep this up until she is asleep.If she wakes up at night lay her down,give her kitty,say goodnight ,get into bed and leave her to cry for about 25 - 30 seconds ( or as long or short as you feel best) and then repeat until she goes to sleep.You may find you get really tired but it's worth a try for at least 2 weeks.She may settle if she knows you are not going to let her stroke you.
I find now with Emily beause of the way I got her back to sleep,she doesn't seem to wake up anymore.
Good luck.
Let me know what happens :wink:

[olivetshka]

Thanks again
I must say I didn't do anything yet. I'm... too scared! I did controlled crying once (she was 7 months old) and it was horrible. Right now I think I'm afraid of screaming and leaving her crying 
She's definitely this little person, who loves to snuggle with me, touch my eyes and hair, even hold my ear before falling asleep. And it disturbs everything, I know.
Since last week I tried not to lie down next to her, only stay behind her bed and hold her hand. She seemed all right with that, but several times she had to get up kiss me and snuggle for a while. And the whole process started to be longer - today she couldn't calm down, even she was tired, started cry, throw out her paci etc. She fell asleep after an hour and 10 min.!   :? When I was in the bed with her - 30-40 min.
I need somebody to kick me and motivate to do something! I've read all those posts with "happy ending" and I feel impressed, really. But still so scared
 
And one more thing - should I do it only before night sleeping, or include naps too? How and where to start?
Please, somebody kick my butt!

[SandyGal]

Hi Anna:

However you choose to go about this, make sure you stick with the method each and everytime. If you tackle naps and bed time, she will get more practice and more consistency. So... since you are sharing a room, maybe you can start by sitting next to her mattress, but no touching after your initial cuddle. My guess is that maybe too close as she will just reach out and grab on. You could also start by sitting on your bed while she falls asleep on her mattress. Decide what key phrase you will use, "Time to go to sleep, Natalia." You can say that the first couple of times she gets up to get you and after that, say nothing and just put her back on her mattress. The real key is to be consistent each and every time. If you aren't she will know that if she just cries a little harder/longer you will give in and cuddle her. Make sure you have a consistent bed time and nap time routine that you follow prior to putting her down to sleep. Make sure you build in some cuddle time in your routine. When she gets that down (no cuddling while falling asleep) then start moving towards the door... maybe the other side of the bed, then standing at the door and then outside the door. Each time she gets up, use you key phrase the first couple of times and then after that, just walk her over and put her back to bed. You are not leaving her alone, so there is really no damage being done by the crying. You are responding to her, but sending a message that she will be learning to fall asleep without mommy now. You may find that the steps get easier as she realizes that when you put her back to bed, that is that. Remember that you are teaching her and everything you do teaches her something. Consistency teaches her that you are serious about sleeping and that you are in control. Giving into her teaches her that she can hold out just a little longer, cry just a little harder and you will go back to what she wants... to hold her hand. She will also get the message that she is in control, which is kind of scary for a lo. She needs to know that you are the one who knows what is best. Be patient... she has been doing things this way for a long time, so change will come gradually. Make sure she is comfortable with each step before moving closer to the door and out of the room. Keep posting to get the fabulous support of the women on this board who really do care and want to help you through this transition. Best of luck!