Routine, wind down and extending naps of 4.5 mth old

[ozswiss]

My little girl is 4.5 months and has been on EASY since she was 2 weeks old. She has generally been a good sleeper - when she was young I often managed to get her into bed on time and she drifted off to sleep. But at 2 weeks this started to change and I started using shush-pat to help her get to sleep. I used to do a good wind down routine of swaddle,sit,shush n pat but at one stage she seemed to settle better if I put her into her bed and I settled her in there - i think I got out of the habit of the wind down. We've always let her suck on our little finger to help her wind down - preferring that to a dummy because she was a bad feeder and we were able to remove the finger before she was really asleep and we felt this would mean she didn't get addicted.

Recently I realised that I was spending more and more time with her (sucking my finger) and that she was needing me to stay until she was really asleep - and if I took my finger out she would wake up and cry until i gave it to her again. She has also started waking after 20 mintues and only having 45 minute naps.

Well now I've noticed all this and I've decided to really try to get back on track. Yesterday we started the 4-hourly EASY and she is quite capable of going 4 hours between feeds. She seems ok to stay awake 2 hours in morning and at least 1.5 in afternoon. The problem is that she really needs to suck, and often even when she does suck until she is in light sleep - she is waking before real sleep. She is also waking at 45 minutes.

At the moment she is having great night time routine, self settles 6 out of 7 nights, and sleeps until 7am. She had a few days a few weeks ago when she woke thoughout the night but she settled after only a few minutes. She has also recently been sick and gone from breast (45 minute feed) to bottle (10 minute feed) because I had an operation and did not have enough milk.

So here are my questions - Do I continue as is, being the human dummy - or is it better to give her a dummy? or will she become dependant on it and will it start affecting night sleep? Is giving her a dummy some king of accidental parenting because I haven't got the stamina for pu/pd ? Today i gave her the dummy after 45 minutes of sleep to help her resettle - will this mean she becomes less able to self settle - or will she learn to have 1.5-2 hour sleeps and not need the dummy in a few weeks?

I'm sorry to ask so many questions but I'm so confused and really need some input from others who believe in Tracy's philosophies.

Can anybody help?

[Matthew's Mommy]

You know.. I hesitate in saying to give her a soother, because I know that at her age, she is on the way of learning how to self soothe.  If you haven't introduced it yet, then I wouldn't.  Trust me.. it's sooo much better to have a self soother!

Right now, you are in the thick of it, with pu.pd, trying to change a habit and to top it off, you had a change in your feeding. No wonder you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed!  Take a deep breath and give yourself grace.

She will adopt a new way to self soothe, you just have to give her a chance.  Learning to self soothe is a gradual process.. if you let it happen, it's life long and diminishes tons of nightwakings and sleep problems later. Also, it's easier to change a habit with a younger baby than an older one. there is a huge difference in a month of development.. even week or two!

So.. if you want my opinion, hang in there and keep at it. It gradually gets easier and easier.. just have faith in your abilities and your little one's ability to learn and mature.

[ozswiss]

Hi

Thanks for your reply. I thought I'd give a progress report and ask a fewmore questions if you don't mind.

We've had some success. Friday I decided to start letting her self soothe. I went back to basics and gave her a good wind down, sat with her swaddled in her room before putting her down, and then gave her time to self soothe. Previously when I've used the dummy/finger I've found it hard not to go into her when she was crying because it sounded so bad compared to silence. Now that I'm not giving her my finger or a dummy - she cries/whinges in my arms during wind down etc and so I know that if the cries don't get any worse - she doesn't need me - she just needs to go to sleep. (in other words I now know what her mantra cry sounds like).

So, the self soothing is going well and although we had a bit of a bad day today - she was overtired - I'm confident she will get it. Actually I'm absolutely amazed how quickly she has given up the sucking.

Anyhow this moves me on to her big problem - 45 minute naps. I've done a search on this site and it seems so many people have problems with 45 minute naps. At first she seemed fine with them and I really didn't think they were a problem - but I believe that they are now stopping her from getting enough sleep during the day. I'm concerned that she has a real habit of them and that it will be a very hard habit to break. She sleeps 12 hours at night - but is sometimes only having 3 or 4 45 minute naps during the day. While she is capable of going 4 hours between feeds - we never get there because of her early waking. She doesn't have a dream feed either so I need to give her 5 feeds during the day - so I'm still tanking up with a cluster feed before bed.

I gave PU/PD one try today but it really seemed to make thinks worse -not better. Shush and pat didn't seem to be working anymore - but I think I will try that tomorrow and see how she goes. I had used a dummy last week to extend her nap - but I'm guessing that is a bad idea now that I've stopped using it to get her to sleep. I'm not sure she will even take it anyhow.

Anyhow that is how things are going. Thanks for your reply and if you have any advice it would be much appreciated.

Jo

ps on the up side she has also started napping in her pram - previously she just cried and cried in her pram but over the weekend she had 2 naps in her pram - I am amazed!

[thitz]

It sounds like you have a lot of changes ahead.  Does you lo suck her thumb?  I never gave my dd a pacifier because she had just started to learn to suck her thumb when we started to get her sleeping in her crib at 2.5 months.  This is how my lo self-soothes.  Also she got in the habit of pulling up a corner of her swaddle in her other hand and snuggling it up at her face at around 4 months old.  She now needs this too to self-soothe.  Maybe you could give that a try.

As for the 45 mins naps.  I also struggle on and off, mostly when she's teething.  My dd got her first tooth at 4.5 months.  I had to really lift her top lip up to see it.  I think as you lo starts to self-soothe that your naps will get better.  Also, I pick up to stop a hard cry and then I pat her on her bum once she's in the crib for about 10 mins to keep her settled and calm.  This works most of the time and she's now almost 6 months.

Good Luck, Tarri

[ozswiss]

Here is a message I sent to Jane with my latest update. What do you think - will she just eventually start taking longer naps?

What happens at the 45 min. mark? Does she cry out or does she just open her eyes and start to play?

Hi Jane

Thanks for your reply.

Today at 40 minutes into her nap she opened her eyes and was quiet, her wrap was still in tact. Then after about 5 minutes I looked again and noticed she was trying to suck her hands so I went in and undid her wrap for her. She was occupied for another 5 minutes and then started whinging and calling out for me to come in. This just confirmed for me that she still needs to be wrapped - DD loves to suck her hands during play time and I think it distracts her to have them out while she is in her cot. I'm not going to unwrap her again in bed.

Do you think if I keep going with the good strong routine and the self settling that the longer naps will come with time? I've been recording her routine for the last week and basically she wakes and stays awake for about 2 hours - but she only naps for 45 minutes - meaning she eats every 3 hours. I've tried not feeding her until the 4hr mark but then the routine gets all mucked up later in the day and everything gets out of whack.

Anyhow I'm feeling much better. We've had so much change with my operation, change to bottle, her illness etc - I just lost my confidence a bit and maybe she temporarily forgot how to self settle. Now that we're back onto a good routine I'm feeling heaps better and DD seems more content too - maybe she is finally over her cold?

Thanks again for your reply.