needs me to go to sleep! help!

[Estee]

hi my daughter who is 17 months will only go to sleep if i am at her side and it has been like this for about 8 mmonths now, so i dont think it can be seperation anxiety (which i originally put it down to), i have tried everything leaving the room and going back only when she cries , standing at her door so she can see me which works but can take upto an hour and half, which by this time i am so worked up that i end up shouting at her! the minute i turn to leave the room she becomes hysterical! last night i put her into bed read her a story, gave her her  cup and then told her goodnight  and walked out and stood on the landing, she then got out of bed and followed me so i just picked her up didnt talk to her or give her any attention and just put her straight to bed, she continued to do this for an hour, so i was so mad and worked up i put her into bed and shut her gate on the door, then because she couldnt get out she started to cry but i just ignored her and kept putting her back into bed after another hour she was sick everywhere  and was so hysterical she couldnt get her breathe, which made me feel so horriable . in the end i picked her up gave her a cuddle and put her in bed then she rolled over and settled! she shouted mummy a couple of times but i just shushed her! then she went to sleep!  i really dont know what to do anymore it is driving me me mad it can take upto 2hours to get her to sleep then by the time she's eventually fell to sleep i am so wound up, i end up stressing at my partner and go straight to bed!
 if anybody has any advice it will be so good to hear our if anyone else is going through the same the thing, thanx 

[stasztk]

I am sorry. That is no fun at all. I would never push it to the point where my child was sick. So I can understand why you gave in. I really don't think that is what Tracy had in mind in her book. I know you love your sweet baby and hate to do what you've been doing. I wish you the best of luck and send big hugs your way.

[Estee]

thankyou theresa, ahe is always sick if i  just let her cry which is so frustrating because then i feel like im giving into her, but i cant just ignore it. thanx for the reply x

[Matthew's Mommy]

Hi there,

What I have always recommended for toddlers who need a parent to sit by them.. it to use a chair, and move it back one foot each night.  Yes it does take time, but it decreases the anxiety that both you and your toddler feels. Give it two weeks.

While you sit in the chair, there's not interaction or talking. If she gets out, then put her back into bed. 

Do you have Tracy's toddler book, or her new book? She deals with toddler sleep issues in both.

Hope this helps,

[Estee]

thanks jane, i have done this method but without a chair i just sit on the floor or stand, the problem is i get to the door but cant get out or she  screams, ive been using this method for about 6month she goes to sleep no problem if im in the room but i cant leave the room so im stuck at the door, should i leave then just go back every 15 seconds or so, i feel im not getting anywhere just standing at the door! thankx again 

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi Estee.
Thanks for the PM.I am having the exact same problem with DD.Originally it was just when she woke at night.Now for the past 2 weeks or so it is a nightmare.She goes to sleep fine when I'm in the room,I can even get to the door with a creaky floorboard,but I think she has this weird 3rd eye that tells her I've left 'cos she stands up and screams.I can't let her get on with it as she will make herself sick and there's no way she'll cry herself to sleep.She's still in a cot at the moment and I'm too scared to put her into a bed.
I know I'm not helping you,but I'm with you every step of the way.
Sarah :?

[Estee]

hi sarah, its 22.5pm now and ive been in and out of Taya's room for about 40 mins, its so hard trying to  "escape" without her hearing! i know what you mean about the 3rd eye, she just knows when im not there, taya wakes about 4 times through the night and it can take up to an hour sometimes to settle her, i so wish she could just settle her self back to sleep but shewont settle until im in thre room with her! does your dd wake in the night? i end up taking taya into our bed, but she doesn't like it she cries to go back in her bed, which is a good thing but when ive been up for  2 hours i make her stay in my bed just so i can get some sleep!!! i know i shouldnt but.....  well i think she's settled now so gonna go and grab some sleep. keep us posted x x x Estee

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi Estee.
Yes Emily wakes during the night,but it usually putting her to bed which is the problem.Monday night took 4 hours to get her to bed.My fault as I started to do pu/pd.AFter 2 hours got cross :oops: and put her in my bed.Wanted to go back into hers but tried to keep her with me,she just kept kicking us.Probably because she doesn't come in very often.After about 3 hours stomped downstairs to go outside and swear and cry.Then spent next 50 mins stroking and shhing until my back was breaking and she'd exhausted herself.
PU/PD seems to work when she wakes during the night though,so I will have to perserve and not get too stressed.
Good Luck.
Sarah

[Oliviasmum]

I can totally sympathise with you on this one as my lo has started this waking everytime I leave the room during the night.  It is so frustrating.
I gave up last night and slept with her in the spare room as I was so tired.  They definitley have a sixth sense.  Has your partner tried to settle your daughter - this has worked for me in the past as long as he has been consistently the one to try through the night.  If she has seen me he has no chance and she becomes hysterical.  It is not always possible I know as dh has to go to work the next day.  She seems to know that he means business though and that he won't give in like mummy.  Just a thought.

[Estee]

hi tracy, taya is exactlt the same she will settle a lot quicker if my partner puts her to bed and gets up with her in the night, but if i go in she just will not settle! my partner has to be up early for work so he cant get up everynight! i have started just getting into her bed with her now!! its the only way i seem to get any sleep. how old is your daughter?