Help! 3 year old never slept through on his own!

[Jack'sMum]

Hi
I have just joined and have been reading some of the many posts and I really hope that some of you experienced mums might be able to help  :oops:

Its a long story so please hang in there.   We have a 3 year old son who is generally very good during the day, but at night that all changes!
When he was born he was ill for a short time and had to spend some time in special care then when we brought him home he had very bad colic and we never seemed to get him into any sort of routine.  Often at night he would cry until 10pm and we would try everything to settle him but nothing seemed to work, when after hours of pacing or going out in the car he would go to sleep but only sleep for a short time and we would be up doing the same again.
We have tried various ways of getting him to sleep through the night in his own cot / bed, unfortunately for us one of these was the controlled crying method which resulted in leaving our poor child to cry until he vomited everywhere :cry:   After that episode we gave up for a while and let him sleep in our bed (which we have learned was another big mistake!) but that at the time and still is the only way we get any sleep.
Anyway we have now read Tracy's book and we thought we would give the problem another go but we tried to go back to basics and build up some trust.  We made a big deal out of his 'big boy bed'  and my husband was all set to sleep on his bedroom floor but that did not work, even with my husband there in the room with him we ended up with 30 mins of sobbing and eventually Jack threw up. I cleared it all up and tried again but the same happened  :cry:  Do I keep trying???
Ever since he was a baby he has always been very sicky and he also gets very hot when he is going to sleep, most nights we have the fan on him.
Please has anyone got any suggestions??  We have obviously done alot of 'bad parenting' over the last 3 years but we really don't know what else to do we need some sleep and our bed back!  At the moment we just feel like 'Bad Parents'  
Thanks for listening! Hopefully someone can help!

[SandyGal]

You are not bad parents. We all know that we will do just about anything that works to get our kids to sleep so stop beating yourself up. I think it is great that you are making an effort to get him to sleep on his own. The real key is to be consistent. Especially at three years of age, he is going to complain and complain A LOT in the beginning. Stick with helping him sleep in his own room in his big boy bed. You are there with him, he is not being harmed. Let's face it... some kids make themselves sick when they get upset. Can you maybe crawl into bed with him for a while? If you can get him calmed and fall asleep with you in his bed then you could sleep on the floor in case he wakes up initially. When you get that down (and it could take a while, but with older kids especially, if you are consistent he will get the message) then you could sit on his floor until he falls asleep and then move to the door after that. The last step will be out of the room. At his age, rewards may also come in handy. Stickers maybe when he makes it to a new step or a little toy car or something.

Does he have a lovey (favorite blanket or stuffed toy). If not, have him pick something out as a sleeping buddy.

Which book of Tracey's have you read? The new one BW solves all or the toddler book? Just curious so that I know what you are trying to do.

Try to remember, that you have to stick to your plan. If your first goal is to get him to sleep in his room with your help, then that is what he does. If you take him into your room you are only teaching him that if he cries hard enough you will give in. If you stay consistent he will learn that this is they way we are doing things know.

I see that this post is from a few days ago... what has been going on the past few nights?

I'm sure you can get great help here. Give us an update so that we know where you are now

[Jack'sMum]

Thanks Sandy for your kind words!

We tried for 2 hours 3 nights ago to get him so sleep in his own bed but we didn't succeed    Jack threw up twice each time I changed the bed and tried again, my husband did try and get into bed with him but unfortunatley he just ended up covered in vomit.  By 9.30 we had to shower Jack and my husband!
In the end we all ended up back downstairs while we tried to calm Jack down he was hysterical and very hot, I'm afraid that in keep doing this we are going to make him ill.
We had tried the stickers & prize things but he said after the 2nd time of throwing up 'mummy I don't like prize'   :cry:
I really thought trying to build up his trust would work now I'm at a dead end, I am reading Tracy's The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, don't know what else to do.?

[christine1967]

We have a 3 yr old son who was horribly colicky for the first 4 months,  It was the darkest days of my life!  He then was never a great sleeper,  We put a queen size mattress on his floor in his room when he was about 19 month as he was crawling out the crib,  We would lay down with him but then he relied on that so we put a chair in his room and ignored him so he felt secure on the mattress and eventually fell asleep on his own.  He would wake and come into our room 6-7  times a night.  We then moved the chair farther from his door and that worked pretty good.  He then started coming in and we kept taking him back to his room.  He finally got the message but it took a long time.  We never let him in our bed because we didnt want a new habit but there were several times when we were both so tired that we wanted to just say heck with it and let him in,  we took turns.  He just now became potty trained on his 3rd birthday and he only gets up once a night to go potty.  The problem we have is that he is up until 10PM at night and we are so tired.  He will then sleep til 8AM with one potty visit at night.  He is a very spirited boy and a handful.  Our only child,  we are tired all the time and often wonder if he is ADHD.  I dont know if any of this helps but you are not alone.  It sounds like your son has alot of anxiety with you leaving.  Try sitting in the chair in his room and look down and have no verbal contact with him.  That way maybe he will be reassured you are there and then  try to gradually move out of the room on the chair.  It worked for us when he was around 2yrs.  I am not sure with a 3 yr old.  It always seems you get rid of one problem and then you get faced with another.  Please email me if you have any questions.  silk19672000@yahoo.com

Good luck!    Christine