When Did you Wean On Purpose and Why?

[branwen]

Hi everyone-

My dd is 6 1/2 months and has always been ebf.  I am soliciting opinions on when other mothers weaned and why they choose to end breastfeeding? 

I am just feeling burnt out a bit with it.  I want my boobs back- I want my dh to be able to touch them without going "ouch". 

She is being such a bad eater lately, will pinch, clench nipple, and arch off the breast and then be hungry moments later...and anything will distract her from eating.  I'm kind of at a loss on this behavior, and it has made me start to loath feeding time.

Is it horrible to say this after coming this far?? :oops:

[Deb_in_oz]

Branwen -you shoudl do what works for you and Eirwen and Dh.  You are doing a great job and there is nothing wrong if you decide the time has come to wean - you sound like you need to be "let off the hook".  100 women will have 100 different dates and reasons why they stopped ...it is really an individual thing.

i have done both ends - stopping at 3 mo with dd2 and stopped at 12-13 months with dd1 and i will admit i have enjoyed different aspects of both. Once you get to where you are now (and i was there with dd1 at 7 months) it becomes a chore if you are not into it so i just suggest you are true to your gut and don't feel bad about it if you choose to wean now. HTH

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

I agree with Debra - you have to do what works for you and your lo!  I found around 6 months (well really from 5-7 months or so!  :roll: ), breastfeeding got a LOT more challenging!  Dd was just SO distractible - it drove me crazy!!  I found it helped a lot to feed her in her dark room right when she woke, so that she was still a bit sleepy and less distracted. How long are you going between feeds too?  Is it possible that she's just not that hungry when you're offering? If you want to continue and it's just her behaviour that's driving you nuts, there might be some solutions... Also, have your breasts been sore all along?

As for me - I'm still nursing dd.  I had started out wanting to breastfeed for at least 6 months, then I decided I'd rather go the year so that when I stopped she could go straight to cow's milk rather than formula.  But as the year is approaching, I've now decided to keep going for as long as we both want to - I'm suspecting about 15-18 months...but you never know!  Despite the challenges, I personally look at it as a small time in her life (and mine!) when we'll be able to share this. I'll have my body and my freedom for years to come, but it's only this short while that I can give her my milk. But that's just me!  :wink:

Whatever you end up doing, though, you've done great to give her your milk for this long! Do what works for both of you and don't let anyone tell you differently! 

[annamum]

Yes, I agree with previous posters, whatever you do, you should be comfortable with it. If you decide nursing is not for you, don't force yourself and be resentful later. As you know, I am very passionate about bfeeding and I nurse a toddler and like it. I originally wanted to bfeed for 1 year, then when I was closer to 9 months, I decided that we were both not ready to wean and decided to continue for as long as it is comfortable for both of us. Nursing an older baby is much different from nursing a newborn. It gets easier and at some point you can persuade your lo that she may need to wait or can get something else to eat instead. There are many health benefits for a baby and you, and the longer you nurse the lesser risk of ovarian and breast cancer for you and a baby. ANd of course, your milk is still an excellent source of nutrition, even past 18 months. However, the older is your baby the harder is to wean.

But I also know that it is better sometimes to do what woman wants and not to resent it. I would never recommend any woman to continue just for a sake of baby and forgo her own needs or dislikes. In a long run, you also should be happy about it and your lo will if you are.
It is also true that it is easier to wean earlier rather than later. For example it is much more difficult to wean a toddler who knows what she wants and can remember nursing and remind you about it than a baby who has shorter memory and no way to remind you LOL.

As I look at what I wrote here I am thinking that I should encourage you more to continue. There are benefits to both of you, both health and emotional ones. I can say it is a rewarding experience. But as we all said whatever decision you make it will be good for your family.

[amheusser]

It's probably time to start solids anyway, which may take some of the pressure off of you.  Once she gets good at eating other things, you can get away for longer times, which may make you feel better. 

If you are getting to dread feeding times, I'd definitely start cutting back, but maybe you can just keep a partial nursing schedule?  That way she still gets a lot of the benefits but you have more freedom.  It's not really an all-or-nothing kind of thing - if you start weaning now, you can be done in 6 weeks or done in 6 months, it's up to you.

With dd1 I started weaning at 6 months, and dropped one feed per week until she was weaned before 8 months, which worked well for us.  With dd2, she's 9 months and still nursing 3 times a day, because she won't take formula - I had planned to start weaning when she figured out the sippy cup, but didn't get anywhere with it.  My reasons were pretty similar to yours: I just wanted to be done, recover my body and my time.

[Duckie]

Well, let's just say you lasted a heck of a lot longer than I did!

I nursed ds for 3.5 weeks.  I weaned because I absolutely hated it, I had a terrible experience all around and was really starting to resent him (eek!) and nursing in general.  I stuck it out that long because I felt it was the only "right" thing to do to be a "good" mother.  There were a number of factors at play at that time in my life and it just wasn't a good scene all around.  Once I switched, we were both much happier.  That being said, if you still enjoy it, as a previous poster mentioned, I have been told it is possible to have 1 or 2 nursing sessions per day, giving you the freedom and your little one the benefits.

(While it may seem strange that I have a 4 yr old and am cruising the BF-ing boards, I am expecting again in April and am back and forth on whether or not to try again.)

Best of luck to both of you in whatever you decide!

[kim&savannah]

Ditto for what everyone has said--you have to do what is best for you.

When we were at that age, I also felt like bfing was getting so difficult, which was frustrating because it took me a good 3 months to stop hurting, so I had only had about 3 months or so of okay feedings, but I did keep going with it for a few different reasons (dd was intolerant to dairy and soy so the only formula choice would have been REALLY expensive and I felt like she deserved the extra nutrients considering these problems, plus I wanted to make it for the year), and it got a lot easier--honestly, I've just now got her down to 2 feedings, morning and night, and I miss the times in the day when she would snuggle with me and bf.  We don't have any breaks now :? --just constant running around and trying to keep her out of trouble. 

You really have to decide what you feel like is best for you and then just do it.  But I do recommend that if you are going to wean, do it gradually so you and the baby have time to adjust to the change.  We're dropping one feeding every 2 weeks, but I think one a week is pretty normal.

~Kim

[GraceKellysmom]

I started the weaning process with each of my children at 6 months, when adding solids to the schedule. Grace completely weaned from the breast at 12 months old, I was 20 weeks pg with ds and my milk was gone. Max is still nursing, he is 13 months old. I don't plan on weaning completely until he is ready, he is only nursing 3 times per day and it is nice feeds. A sleepy "good morning" feed, a sleepy "I'm up from my nap" feed and the last one before bed, any of which he can go without or take a sippy cup of ebm for if I'm not around.

It did get tremendously easier at about 9-10 months when I realized each child had dropped feeds and that they could be fed a meal of solids with a sippy of water or juice or ebm in my absence. That was so much easier!

Good luck in your decision, or indecision as it is with me.  :wink:

[branwen]

Thanks for all the replies- wow- I feel so supported in either direction.  Had a long chat with dh last night and he really thinks its great to keep going. He says "she'll let you know when she's ready."  So he's a fan of the self weaning.  It is easy for him to take this position not being the one who actually breastfeeds.

Anyway, I am still so on the fence. :?   We are doing two solid meals (after breastfeeding) now and she loves them.  We have also had progress with sippy cup training.

I think I do love breastfeeding.  It is just right now it is so hard to get her to relax and just eat, which stresses me out and makes me tense, which then she feels.  I feel like I have so much milk left over and start worrying if she's eating long enough...some sessions are as little as 3 min which doesn't seem right...sometimes she won't take the second breast too now.

So confused...and so tired!!! Ugh...they need a tired emoticon :wink:

[annamum]

Wow, what a husband you have! It is not common for a man to have such ideas and be so supportive.

Good luck with your decision!

[branwen]

Monika- I never thought of it like that- but you're right! How crazy is it that he is for breastfeeding! I should give him more credit :wink: He has this thing about evil formula companies and remembers the fact that they supplemented Eirwen at the hospital without our permission and she spit it up (hence he thinks formula must be yucky).

I thought that maybe one of the previous posters was right about her not being hungry yet, since we have been stuck at 3 to 3 1/2 hr routine.  Thought maybe I would try for 4 but she got really worked up and so wanted to eat...but then later she cried when I put her on- we had only a 3 min feed again :? I'm lost on it right now...does it get better later on again?

[annamum]

Yes, it does get better. And only you can figure out what she needs, if it is 4 hour feeds or something else. My dd was always changing her "schedule", when I thought I figured her out and had it worked out, she changed again  :lol: .

I share the same dislike towards formula companies as your dh. Have you noticed how eagerly they send you free samples and coupons for their formula, just enough that your milk dries up, he he he.

[Deb_in_oz]

in Australia they are not able to distribute samples and when I had Alex at a private hospital I commented that I had not received the sample bags (creams, laundry supplies, etc) for all the hospitals in Oz (called "Bounty" bags) and they explained that they don't allow the bags in their hospital because it includes INFORMATION/ADS about formula feeding and they don't think it is appropriate when women are struggling with BF to be faced with an "easy" answer (their choice of words - i think it is an extremely hard decision for many women myself included).