Author Topic: Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help  (Read 1765 times)

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Offline Quenton

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« on: August 15, 2005, 19:57:50 pm »
Please help us. 
I am in tears as I write this.
My husband and I are both absolutely exhausted and not sure what to do next. 

Our son Quinn is 3 ˝ months old he fights us every time we try to put him to sleep.  He has fought sleep very hard since he was about six weeks old.  We know he is overtired and we are trying like crazy to get him on more of a nap and bedtime schedule, but he is fighting us every step of the way.  I see the first signs of fatigue in the morning about an hour after he has been up, but he is wide-eyed and awake if we try to get him to sleep.  This can continue all day.  I can tell it is just very, very hard for him to let go.  He is alert and awake, even when I know he’s just exhausted.

During the day I have been doing the E.A. – but we are definitely stuck on the S.

At night we have a bedtime ritual of a bath, soft music and nursing.  We tell him “it’s time for sleep” and put him in the crib. As soon as his head hits the crib mattress he wakes up.  If he does close his eyes, once his hands hit the mattress he literally jolts awake over and over again.  We’ve tried the pat/shh, and when that doesn’t work we’ve tried the PU/PD and “it’s time for sleep.”   

For example, last night went like this:

    6:00PM  Bath/change into pajamas
    6:15PM  Nursed for 25 minutes
    6:40PM  Put down in crib, (dark room, soft music) and he woke up.  Tried pat/shh but he just became more alert.  Tried rocking him softly several times and putting him down again, he woke up each time.  Started to fuss and cry in the crib. Tried the PU/PD method – which we continued until 9:00.  His crying seemed to increase the longer we did the PU/PD method.
    9:00PM  Nursed him again, he fell asleep after nursing.  Put down in crib and “laid hands” on him, he finally went to sleep.

He won’t take a pacifier although I think it would help him to relax.  He took one for a couple of weeks in the past but won’t now (I have kept trying).  He can’t make his fingers/thumb stay in his mouth long enough to work as a pacifier.  Are there any suggestions for babies at this stage?   

He does seem to like a little blanket that he sleeps with, but I’m concerned he’ll pull it over his head while he sleeps. 

He went through a growth spurt a couple of weeks ago, and at night we're back to feedings every three hours - like clockwork.  Needless to say, we are both exhausted and we're getting close to letting him CIO.

Any suggestions would be so welcome.  Thank you.

Offline chell

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2005, 20:51:17 pm »
Hi, Welcome to the boards. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having  problems at the moment.
I'm not an expert, but have had some similar difficulties with my babe in the past and I'll try to help you out.

First of all I want to ask you a few questions:

1. Do you swaddle?
2. How long did you try pat/shh for, and over how many days?
3.How long did you try pu/pd for and over how many days?
4. How old was your lo when you started pu/pd?


Your right from what you say he does sound overtired - when babes jolt severely, this is often the reason. ( My lo used to do this regularly).

5.Do you think Quinn is also over stimulated?

You have obviously been observing his behaviour, as you know when he becomes overtired. I think it would be a good idea if you really studied his behaviour even  more closely and look for the signs which tell you that he is starting to become tired. With some babies, once you have missed "the window" (of opportunity) and they have become overtired it can take a really long time to get them to settle - if at all. The length of time you then have to get them ready for bed/nap can vary from babe to babe. With my Jacob, it was really short and I had to act immeadiately I saw the first sign of tiredness. I knew roughly the length of time  he could stay awake for and about 10mins before this I would really study him and not let him out of my sight, so that I could act straight away. I knew that if I missed his window that would be it and I wouldn't get him to sleep and he wuold become progressively tired throughout the day.

Do you have tracys first book - 'secrets of the baby whisperer'? If so please have a read of p 66 sidebar S.L.O.W. , pp80-82, pp86-88 (tables) this may help a bit. I know your going to be feeling exausted, but you have already started to fix the problem by posting us here.

Cheryl
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Offline Tori's Mom

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2005, 23:38:11 pm »
I just wanted to let you know that my DD was the same way at that age.  She would only sleep in our arms and could not be laid down without "jolting" awake.  Swaddling was a godsend.  She has just (at 5 months old) started to have enough motor control not to have this reflex and we just stopped swaddling.  I would definately suggest this great comfort to infants...... I know it helped us ALOT!!! :D

Good luck!
Jacki
Mom to Tori   3/13/05




Offline tylersmommy

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2005, 23:51:04 pm »
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now! Cheryl had some really good advice for you. I highly recommend starting a swaddle, if you aren't doing one already. We used the Aussie swaddle (line below) until Tyler was 7 or 8 mo old, and it was a godsend. He'd do the same jolt when he hit the mattress, and the swaddle really helped. It took a lot of tinkering before we figured out how long to keep Tyler awake (and of course, once we thought we'd outsmarted him, it would change again). He just didn't have an off switch, and the window of opportunity for putting him to sleep seemed to be pretty small. I think part of it was developmental too...one day, it just got better. Maybe because of all the pat/shh I'd done, maybe not. Who knows.

PU/PD didn't work well for us until he was older, and we had to modify pat/shh to work for us. The patting wound him up, and as long as he could SEE, he'd get too stimulated to close his eyes unless the room was pitch dark. He was a back sleeper, so we'd rest one hand on his chest or thigh and use the other to shield his eyes to limit visual stimulation. It made a huge difference, and as he got older, we were able to wean him from our pat/shh. 

Also, we had to give up the bath around that age. It just wound him up. We started doing it during the day instead. We still can't give him a bath right before bed!

Those are just a few things that come to mind right now. Please, please keep us posted and DON'T GIVE UP. It takes time, and you're already on the right track, so please hang in there!
Melissa
Mommy to Tyler, 12/30/03 and Mackenzie, 10/17/06
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Offline chell

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2005, 05:42:02 am »
yes I have to agree with Tylersmommy. The shielding of Jacobs eyes really helped too.
I'll check back in later.
Cheryl
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Offline Quenton

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Swaddle advice?
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2005, 05:05:02 am »
Thank you so much for your replies.  It's a big help just knowing you're out there! 

We haven't been swaddling Quinn.  He just started rolling over - what if  he's swaddled and rolls over, will he be able to breathe?  One of the swaddling links mentions that babies who roll over should not be swaddled.  But it sounds as though older babies have been swaddled...I'm confused on this point.  What do you guys think?? 

I think he is definitely overstimulated.  I've been keeping a closer eye on him at about an hour after he's up.  What is the typical waking time for a 3-4 month old?

The bath seems to calm him, so I don't think that's an issue.  During the day I draw the shades in his room but there's still dull light coming through.  At night we darken the whole place (he always tries to keep his eyes open and looks around at everything), but we're definitely keeping visual stimulation in check as much as possible.

Please let me know what you think on swaddling a baby who rolls over...

thanks again!

Offline tylersmommy

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2005, 14:49:50 pm »
We continued swaddling Tyler after he rolled over. Since we used a tight Aussie swaddle with a bedsheet, there was no way he could roll over! We never swaddled at night (I'm not sure why, we just didn't), but I'd still check on him during naps sometimes to make sure he hadn't wiggled out and rolled over. HTH!
Melissa
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Offline opp2

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2005, 14:50:20 pm »
I only have one comment about the rolling over thing. I found my little guy the last two days laying on his belly with his face right into the mattress, sleeping like a log. I think if they can get on to their belly and can lift their heads then let them be. For swaddling, if you're worried that he'll get tangled up in the blankets at the head, only swaddle from the chest down, and leave the arms out. It will definetly come off but hopefully only after the lo is asleep.

good luck...

Yes, it did scare the daylights out of me to see him sleeping that way, but he was fine. I still have to resist the urge to run in and roll him over.
kaitlin 06/06/02
thomas 21/03/05

Offline jltay73

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Please help us - a desperate plea for sleep help
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2005, 00:46:23 am »
another suggestion is to see about putting him to bed earlier.  Shoot for sitting down to nurse at 6 or even 5:45 and see if the fight becomes less.  I also think the less stimulation the better, Pat/Sh may be too much stim for your baby and PU/PD also.  Tinker with the bedtime and consider doing only laying on hands and see if it helps.  It does get better, hang tough.