Habitual waking - need advice please

[LisaM]

My dd is 15 months old and has recently started waking at night after sleeping through since she was 4 months old.  She did have a cold which started this off so we went in to her when she woke up and cried.  Since then she has woken often and we have waited to see if she will settle (she used to do this herself) but most nights now seems to need help getting back off.  The other problem is that it can take ages for her to go back off to sleep - sometimes up to 3 hours!!  She lies in her cot quietly and often dozes for a bit but doesn't always go into a deep sleep.  If you try to leave the room at any point before she is properly asleep she will scream blue murder. 

The last 3 night she has woken at the same time each night 12.30 so it has definitely become a habit - but I'm not sure how we can stop it - has anyone else got any ideas - would wake to sleep work?  When I go in I normally do pick her up at first to calm her down she is sitting up with arms outstretched but I don't hold her for too long then just pop her in and she is normally calm but sometimes tosses and turns for ages before settles properly so sometimes need to shuss when she starts to whine a bit.

Its so frustrating when you sit there for hours not to mention very uncomfortable - am on a toy chest - my legs and bum go dead!!  I thought if we were consistent and went in to her etc it would stop but has been going on for about 3 weeks now so any help would be fantastic.

Thanks in advance
Lisa

[SandyGal]

Hi Lisa...

I'm moving this to the toddler sleep board so that the mom's and dad's with similar aged little one's can help you out.

My quick blurb is that you are becoming a prop and that is why she is calling for you at night now. Don't sweat it, she'll get back on track. This is normal regression after an illness. What you are going to have to do though is go to her, calm her down and put her back to bed (just like you do at the beginning of the night). Don't stay with her until she falls asleep again. When she cries, go back to her and tell her that she is just going to sleep and every thing is fine. When she is calm, leave again. You will have to do it over and over until she gets the message. It is a very hard thing to do in the middle of the night, but after a few nights, she will start sleeping through again when she realizes that mom is not going to stay with her until she falls back to sleep. My dd and I just went through this post vacation where mom was sleeping in the same room as her. I would go to her, calm her and then leave her to go to sleep on her own. If I stay with her... she doesn't go back to sleep because she is just waiting and watching to see if I will leave. I hope this helps!

[LisaM]

Thanks yes it does help - last night I went in and did as you said and moved away from the cot once she was calm I waited by the door for a bit just for her to settle then I left the room, she cried out so I just said no time for bed etc.  I went back to my room, a few mins later she started up again so I went back and did it again but I didn't stay at all.  Luckily this was all it took this time, I heard her tossing and turning for a while but she did go back off.  I will keep with it, I did think I was becoming a prop but had always stayed in the room before so didn't want to change it but I think this is a better approach to try.  Thanks again.

[harismam]

Hi there, i am having a habitual night waking problem with my 14 month old son. i have always stayed in the room with him until he sleeps and now i just do not know how to break this. i realise i made a big mistake doing this but when he was younger, it was the only way he would sleep. he will usually sleep quite quickly after playing a while, but he will then waken again after 1 - 2 hours i.e. down at 8:30pm, back up again at 10:30pm and this can go on all night, some nights he will stretch for 3 hours but this is becoming more and more rare. when he does waken up, i only have to stay few seconds and he is back to sleep, but it still means getting up, i worry he is not getting enough deep sleep please help, suzanne