what do i do now??? (complete desperation re: early waking)

[katie6579]

So here is the situation: Jack has always been an early riser, and in recent months we finally put him to bed early enough to get a decent night sleep out of him (11 hrs or so). After he switched to one nap (about 1 yr old) it took a few weeks to get him on a good schedule, but we did: nap at 10-ish for an hour or so, bed at 6, wake at 530-6. It was beautiful for a few weeks. But then he started waking earlier, and earlier... until he got to 430, which is where he has been for weeks now. 430 is insanely early!!!!!!! (if you didn't know that) And this morning he woke up at 330!!!! For the day! I am scared for tomorrow.

He always wakes up happy, just babbling away. So what we have done is leave him in there til the "desperation" cry at which point we get him out of his crib and shut the door. The problem is that his room is right next to ours and he is quite loud, albeit happy playing alone, so no more sleep for us. He shows tired signs by 10 so then he naps, now about 45 min during the week, and oddly enough 1.5 hrs on the weekends- ?? It doesn't matter what time he goes to bed, he always wakes up early. There have been no substantial changes in our routine or lifestyle or anything, he is not sick, possibly getting a molar but I must say teething has NEVER once appeared to bother him, so I doubt that is the culprit. He doesn't seem to be too hot or cold. His room is dark and there is white noise. I cannot come up with any logical explanation, other than habit at this point. But he's not waking at exactly the same times- somewhere between 420-450 mostly.

I must emphasize how HAPPY he is, all the time!!! Regardless of how little he sleeps. In the past, when he was overtired, he was extremely crabby. But 90% of the time he is an angel. I wish I could be happy on such little sleep, but I am a zombie now, I can barely function. If this keeps up it will be the end of sanity or my marriage, probably both. I have no clue what to do. I swear I wouldn't stress about it this much if it wasn't affecting me so profoundly. I have terrible insomnia now, so even when he is sleeping, I can't. And forget napping.

My dh thinks we should get some white noise for ourselves and just ignore him, whatever he is doing, until it's time to get up. He thinks he will magically learn to sleep in later- I have my doubts, as leaving him in his crib for the past few months has done absolutely nothing in that regard. I also do not feel comfortable ignoring him- I never have. Dh thinks he is "old enough" now to understand that he needs to sleep longer and will somehow get that point if we ignore him. I disagree! But I also don't think getting him up at 430 will help. So again, I have no idea.

If you have made if this far through my saga, thank you.

[Deb_in_oz]

katie i am sorry you are starting yor day so early    it is amazing how kids can have that much energy in the early hours.

you are looking for advice so i will be honest - i think you will need to do some type of sleep training (?PD if he tries to get up).  Basically because he is happy when he gets up you have been giving in and getting him up to play which sent him the message - sure you want to get up OK! and he has pushed it further and further back (like - "just one more cookie pleee-ase?!!) instead you have to go back to basics and teach him what is an ok time to start the day (be reasonable - if he likes to wake early it is unlikely he will go to 7, but get him back to 6am which is a fair start - i did it with dd1 for a year until she started sleeping a little later)

a mom in my mother's group went through this with her little girl who would start the day at 4:30-5 and then pushed it back so much and they just could not get her to stay down. it went on for 3 months with her starting HER day at 4am.  it is times like these that we must take back the control so to speak and even if it takes 150 PDs to send the message the first morning and it is then 6am just get him up and start at 6am (let it be a 2 nap day if necessary), the next day might take 50, etc He will get the message that there is no playtime at 4am and even though he thinks he is not tired he will eventually lay down.  then he will start sleeping again.  it is just a question of time - do you have the latest book - there is a great bit outlining this completely (i typed it here for someone once). it migt take 4 hellish days or 2 weeks - but it has to be better than getting woken up every day at 4!

we can support you if you want to try this - i do think it is the way to go since you said he has been waking at 4:30 for weeks (if it was days i would think it was something else, or if he was waking crying which would imply something was wrong that we could "fix") i HTH - mabve someone has a different opinion. i know it is easier said than done, but your motivation wil be strong because it means you getting enough sleep to tackle YOUR day ahead. 

[katie6579]

Hi Deb,
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond, and for the honest advice. A disinterested third party is best sometimes!! So I thought about what you said and I can see how we have been allowing this to go on even without intending to.

So here is how last night/this morning went: bed at 6 (normal time) slept thru til 320 (earlier today!!!!!) so I sat with him til he fell asleep again, which only took about 30 min. and he was mostly calm about it. Then he slept for about 40 min, back up at 430.  :roll: Got up with him again, this time he screamed bloody murder for several minutes, I held him til he finally calmed down and then gave him a bottle. He finally resettled and slept til 620, woo-hoo!!! And then my dh got up with him and let me sleep til 8! So I am feeling tons better today.

I suppose I will have to keep this up til he gets the point, but this morning wasn't too terribly bad. He never ceases to amaze me with this stuff. So anyway thank you again, I will also check out Tracy's new book, haven't done that yet.

[LindseysMom]

This sounds to me like he is overtired, therefore wired and seems happy which is why he cant sleep at night.  I read about this in one of my sleep books.  When trying to switch to one nap sometimes it goes well for a while but then their night-time sleep suffers as they are just sleep deprived.  He recommends re-establishing 2 naps and the nightime sleep should get back to normal.  He also says that most babies are not ready for one nap til at least sixteen months.  Or if you really only want him on one nap maybe do it later than 10 am so he sleeps a little later into the day.  But I still think he is overtired even though he is seeming happy.  Just my opinion though.  I agree with your dh about not going to him at night.  By doing so you are reinforcing the behavior.  He needs to learn again that nighttime is for sleeping not eating or playing.  Even if you just go to him, say I hear you but it is time to sleep, do not pick him up, Tell him you love him and it is time to sleep and leave.  He is old enough to get it.  And with another baby on the way it will really be hard to deal with this when your new baby comes.  I know it will be hard to do if you chose to do it this way but I do agree with debinoz, he does need some sleep training again.  There is a book I highly recommend but since we are not supposed to promote other sleep books anymore if you want the name please pm me.