Oh Heidi! I can relate! It sounds a lot like what I went through with Megan. One of the hardest habits to break is the nursing to sleep, but I really think you need to make a go of it, if you really want this to work. It sounds like he can't put himself back to sleep (or doesn't want to do it on his own, because you've always been there to help!). You can use the Gentle Removal Plan day and night and really really really try not to nurse him to sleep. As long as there's SOMETHING else going on between nursing and sleep (I'd rock or sing a lullaby).
The other important thing is CONSISTENCY! It sounds like you're doing different thing when he wakes (sometimes pat/shh, sometimes paci, sometimes bottle or breast). Pick one and try to stick to it - something that you'll be able to wean away so that he no longer needs it.
He also sounds like he's overtired by bedtime. If he's getting short naps, you really need to move the bedtime earlier. He might also be overtired by the time he gets to his morning nap - have you tried moving that earlier too? If he's waking every hour or so at night, he's not getting a restful night (no one is!) - you could try moving the nap back gradually - before he gets really sleepy.
Finally, remember if he screams or cries with all of this, that's just his way of communicating to you that he liked the old method better! This will be a change for him - you want it to be as easy as possible, but there will be many times in his life when you'll have to hear him cry a bit and this may be one of them. As long as you're with him, you're not abandoning him in his time of need. And also, make sure you're not rushing in too soon, though - some babies fuss really loudly for a really short time before settling.
HTH - I really feel for you, but it WILL get better! Feel free to PM me if you need more support or suggestions.
