Please help me, he's driving me bonkers!

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hello all,

I hope someone can help, I'm having real problems with, guess what, my old friend, sleep  :roll: .
(BTW I think this is going to be a long one, so please persevere with me!)

Firstly, the good news - he has 2 or 3 good naps a day, goes to bed at 7.30-8pm, has a feed at 11.30pm, and sleeps with no problems until 7-7.30am.

So it's not that he can't sleep, the problem is getting him there!

It usually takes up to an hour to get him to sleep, and I find it so stressful, I'm coming downstairs and picking an argument with dp every night  :oops: . The main probs are:

... ds fidgeting. And when I say fidgeting, I mean practically leaping around his crib. He is swaddled, but that seems to make no difference, and I have got into the ridiculous situation of physically holding him down until he's asleep (for up to an hour). I have to be quite firm, holding both his arms and legs, and, before now, I've even been kicked in the face  :shock: . My back & arms end up really sore and I can't carry on doing it, especially as he gets bigger and stronger (he's only 5 months now!)

... unable to do pu/pd. I have tried this, but (& this will sound like a silly complaint) he does not get upset or cry. As soon as I put him in the crib, however drowsy he was, he becomes wide awake, and looks around and stares. However, he never cries (he hardly ever has), which means that pu/pd is useless!

... the dreaded dummy! I never wanted him to have a dummy, but he's a very sucky baby and, as I'm swaddling him, I thought it unfair not to let him suck on anything (it's just for sleeping, never leaves the crib, & I take it out as soon as he's asleep). He now can't go to sleep without it, & he's learnt that, as both my hands are busy, if he spits it out, & then causes enough fuss, I have to let go to give it back, and then his arms & legs are free  :shock:  :roll:  :x . I want rid of it!!

I'm sorry this is so long, and thanks for sticking with me - I really need some help.

TIA
Caroline

[Jayri]

okay, I will see if I can help. I noticed your post aslo on the EASY forum.
What I do for dd fidgeting at bedtime is I place my hands on her, she is covered up but I put a hand on her hip and one on her shoulder, and I use the crib with the side up to lean on. This way she is laying down, soothing herself, but she still knows that I am there, and my arms and back don't kill me.
On the pu/pd, if he is not crying, but awake, maybe you could try just leaving him in there and seeing if he will go to sleep on his own, Riley has done that a couple of times, also it would get him used to being on his own in bed, so all in all it could help him soothe himself if he gets used to being there on his own. If he gets fussy maybe try the hands on him with a shh, or pat his back until he calms, rub his back until he gets drowsy, and then just use your hands on him till his starts to crash on his own.
Basically what I do is, put her down cover up, pat her back until calm, rub her back until she is quiet and then just place my hands on her till she starts to close her eyes, and then I leave before she is totally out, and then she does the rest on her own.
For the dummy, could he use his fingers, that is what dd does. DS had a soother up until just after last christmas. Maybe you could try simply taking it away if the other sstuff works, other than that I am useless for advise i am afraid.
Keep us posted on the EASY forum, it is turning out to be a general chat area as well as an EASY forum.
Good luck, HTH.

[Peach]

Hi Caroline!  I like the new picture of Charlie.....I think he's gotten even cuter!   

I'm certainly no expert, but I was having quite a bit of trouble getting my lo to sleep for her naps, and I know how frustrating it can be.  Like Charlie, one minute she'd be drowsy and the next her eyes were open as wide as can be, staring around the room! 

Now, like Naomi, most of the time I'll just give her a few pat/shh's and leave her wide awake.  Inevitably though, about 2-3 minutes later she starts to talk to herself or whimper.  At that point, I go back in, lay my hand on her back, give her the dummy if she wants it, and leave again.  I might have to do it once more after that, but not always.

I have to do it that way, as I CANNOT stand beside the crib for half an hour and wait for sleep to come to her.  I find it far too frustrating and it's a killer on the body!  And besides that, I find she falls asleep much quicker this way!

As far as the dummy goes........I started out not wanting her to have one either, and now I've got them stashed all over the house and on my person!   :roll:  I think it's amazing that little Charlie only uses his in the crib! 

Good luck,
Kara

[Onewoman]

Hi, I would like to follow this thread as I am having the same problem and I feel like I am losing the plot big time  :cry: . Until a few days ago I did the same as Jason & RIleys mum and dd was off to sleep in a few minutes, now for some reaosn it is not working at all! PAt/shh isn't working, she just rolls over lots, fidgets like mad with her legs and arms, gets out her swaddle, grins at me, refuses to suck her thumb which she often did - it's like she has been possessed! It is now taking over an hour to get her down for a sleep, by which time she is even more overtired and we are both super stressed out. I can't do pu/pd as there is no crying and when there is she cries more when I pick her up. Over the last few days she has gotten really overtired as she has been waking up at night and babbling for hours and I know if only she could catch up on a bit of sleep I could have my lovely calm baby back. I just can't work out what has happened, or what to do...I feel desperate.

[Dina]

Hi,

My boy is nearly 6 months old and I actually stopped swaddling him when he was 4 months because he would spend most of his time trying set free instead of sleeping and it drove me potty esp at night I would have to re-swaddle him upto 5 times a night.  I was worried that his'jerky arm' movements would keep him up instead.  But I started out in the daytime with his naps and poped him in his cot awake with his dummy in and a blanket tucked into the sides of his cot so he wouldn;t fling them off.  It took about 3 days of him getting used to sleeping unswaddled but it worked so we started doing it at night - and wow what a difference !

If he's fridgity (like my baby is) I guess they are both spirited babies ! Do the following:

1) See the tiredness signs - after he starts getting bored of his activity time - you'll see the signs - he'll probably start getting fustrated at his gym for instance (mine does this !) put him in his cot and take away any distractions like mobiles etc.

2) do this when he's about 30 to 20 mins away from his sleep time, e.g. if he woke up at 7am and is due to sleep at 9am put him down in his cot at 8.30 or 8.40. this will give him his wind down time and he should be able to calm himself down, he will fidget for about 10 - 15 mins - he will look like he's almost playing, but he'll slowly start to get tired and hopefully fall asleep

3) Pop a dummy in (I assume you only use this for sleep times) and cover him up with a blanket and tuck it into the sides of the cot to stop him flinging it off. and leave him in there . . . stay inthe room so he can still see you havn't abandoned him but don't hang over his cot just sit there and read or something ! - if his dummy falls out pop it back in if he needs it to fall asleep.

4)  It may take him on your first attempts upto 45 mins for him to eventually fall asleep. but don't pick him up unless he starts 'really' crying he may do whats called a 'mantra cry' where its only noises and not real crying with tears.  This is his way of 'winding down' and trying to fall asleep. It may start off slowly and then get louder and louder - but he will eventually stop (sometimes he might turn it into a real cry which may suggest he's over tired and may need a little more more from you - I usually rock his cot if possible (mine's a travel cot that moves a bit when you knock the bassinet thing) but try not to pick him only use this as a last resort if he doesn;t stop crying.

5) Once he stops his mantra cry - he'll most likely focus on something (in my baby's case he usually watches me watching tv or reading or he hugs his teddy and stares at him he'll do this staring thing for about 15 mins andthen he'll drop off - but try and keep everything quiet.

Hope this helps, my baby now 9 out of 10 times falls asleep by himself without me picking him up at all.

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hello all, I haven't got long (we're supposed to be going out  :roll: ) but I wanted to say a big thank you for replying to my long whinge!

Things have not really improved, but then I've not really started to implement your ideas as it's been pretty hectic around here. It'll be quieter tommorrow, so I'm going to start then.

Thanks for taking the time to help me, I'll let you know how I get on.

Caroline xx

ps Kara - thanks for the compliment, why do I get a warm glow when someone says he's cute? is that wrong?