I'm running away to join the circus

[zjoneser]

I'm at my wit's end, mamas.  Our son (first baby) has never been a good sleeper, but now things are just wretched.

He's six weeks old, and never sleeps for more than an hour at a time, day OR night.  Day naps usually last about 30-45 minutes, night sleeps lasts about 1-2 hours.

He's an enormous eater, and screams for the bottle every 1.5-2 hours.  At night, he wakes reliably every 2 hours to eat.  I can sometimes stretch him out to 2.5 hours, but not without a lot of crying, despite my attempts to rock/soothe him during this time (using a pacifier, etc.).  He was 8 lbs. at birth, and weighed over 11 lbs. at his 1-month check-up, and the pediatrician gave me the hairy eyeball about feeding him too much.  (He called the baby "gargantuan."  Gee!  Thanks!).

When he wakes up in his crib, he'll make soft noises for a couple of minutes, look around, then blow his top (I have a video monitor).  He SCREAMS.  We keep him swaddled in a Miracle Blanket, and when I pick him up and rock him (leaving him in his crib with a shush-pat never works), he'll quiet down for maybe another ten minutes - I can see how sleepy he is, it's like he's trying to go back to sleep but just can't get there - and then he starts bucking against the swaddle, wiggling around like a fish, and hollering.

I then unswaddle him (which I think may be a mistake, because the couple of times I let him holler and buck against my shoulder for a good long while, he did eventually settle down, but my God, it was hell getting there), and I sit there, feeling helpless and miserable and incompetent.  Then he wants to eat, and I feed him, knowing it's probably too early but not knowing how else to soothe him, and then I cry because I feel like such a bad mother.

I do think I miss his sleepy cues, but to be fair, at this point, I think he's so chronically overtired that he's ALWAYS sleepy and/or overtired. 

I honestly don't know if I have a "spirited" baby, because he's so tired that I can't tell WHAT his personality is.  And the few days he's slept and been well-rested, he's seemed like a very gentle, old soul - a bit anxious, flinching at bright lights and loud noises, preferring everything to be very low-key - so the description of a "spirited" baby doesn't quite fit.

Anway, I'm at my wits end.  At my worst - during the long nights - I can't help but feel that he'd be better off with a more skilled mother, that I just suck at this, that he was born knowing how to sleep but that I've somehow screwed him up.  Everyone else's six-week-old is sleeping for 3 and 4 hours at a time.  My child has never slept 3 or 4 hours at one time in his life.

I'm miserable.  I'm filled with self-blame.  I'm exhausted.  And I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

- Zoe

[Aarismom]

Relax, take a deep breath--you're doing fine

A couple of things to keep in mind:

1. Before 6-8 weeks, it's completely normal for your lo to be sleeping 2 hours before needing a feed at night, or waking (ESPECIALLY if you're bf). Before 6-8 weeks, you feed them the best you can, get them rested the best you can, get them started on an EASY plan (3 hours...this means your lo will probably be up long enough to feed and get a nappy change, then straight back to bed, no real play time). They are eating on a 2-3 hour schedule at this time.

2. Your lo will soon start sleeping longer stretches at night. It may only increase an hour (again, especially if your bf). But your lo will still need to go down almost after 45 mins or so of waking time for naps.

3. To increase nap time, try pat/shh, OR, if that's too stimulating, go in before he starts his jolts (usually they start around 30 mins) and put a hand on his shoulder area and legs (if he kicks, usually they do) to keep him down. Use a good tight swaddle (which I'm sure you're doing). I say before because I've found if you get there too late, they've already kicked or punched themselves awake, and then you have the task of getting them back to sleep. Stay until he returns to deep sleep, you'll see no movement behind the eyelids, no limb movement.

4. When he goes thru those jolts, he's usually still asleep unless you or he does something to wake him...it's like walking on glass. If he tries to kick, apply some pressure to keep his legs down. Opens the eyes, shield them from light. flails the arms, try and apply a little pressure to the shoulders to keep them down. Only apply as much as is necessary, and back off a little when he calms. He may also cry out some, but there will be no tears.  With a little bit of luck, he'll get through them ok and sleep a little longer for you. If he wakes and is NOT crying, then he's rested for the time being. If he's fussy, he needs more sleep. That's the rule of thumb for all  naps.

5. I'm a big believer in sleep journals. I wasn't before...but mine really helps me to see that maybe things aren't always as bad as they seem.

6 weeks is an absoultely frustrating time because you are just learning their signs, and they seem to always be sending mixed signals. Keep your chin up, you're almost up to a little more sleep at night!!

And btw...you're certainly not the only one who feels/felt that way. I was a total headcase when mine was that age. Mine is 4 mo. now, and I'm only now starting to "get it" that if my lo doesn't sleep 15 hours or more a day, it's not a disaster (as long as she seems rested and not continually fussy and getting at least 10 hours of sleep a night I'm ok). But I still have to tell myself to look at the big picture sometimes. Remember this too shall pass...

*HUGS*
Sonya =P

[zjoneser]

Okay, first of all, thank you.  Second of all, you're my new best friend.  So please tell your old best friend that her position has now been outsourced.   

You know, another thing I forgot to mention is that I'm terrified that I inadvertently let him CIO.  In "The BW Solves All Your Problems," Tracy writes that you shouldn't let a baby CIO, "not even for five minutes."  Well, when he's in his crib and I'm in bed, and I hear him start to cry on the monitor, I think it takes me more than five minutes to pull on my pants and stumble across the hall.  Once I even stopped to pee first.  Although to be fair, I was bellowing, "MOMMY'S COMING RIGHT AFTER SHE PEES, HONEY!" the whole time.

This is going to get more fun soon, right?

[carasmom]

Just wondering... does he have any reflux symptoms?  Silent maybe?  Our dd wanted to eat all the time, to keep her belly full- sometimes the fullness takes away some of the pain.  Does he sleep better in a car seat or sitting up?  Cry for more food even though he just ate? 
Other than that, I would second everything that Sonya said... and yes, it does get better! 
And yes, sometimes they just have to wait so that WE can go to the bathroom when we need too!  :wink:
Trish

[Maddy's Mum]

Hi there,

I am in total agreement with Sonia on this one - 6 weeks was a very fussy time for Mads, especially in the evenings when she used to cry and cry   

There are a few things which it may be worth mentioning, the first would be to take a look at the reflux/colic board and there is a sticky at the top of the board for the signs of reflux - Mads used to scream when we laid her on her back and fuss and wriggle around alot - she also used to want to feed often like your LO and used to be sick after feeds and it was only after 2 trips to the doctors and speaking with my heath visitor twice did they suss out that she had reflux - as soon as she was put in medication, she because a much happier baby.

Something which Tracy suggests with all young babies, and especially those with reflux is to elevate the crib at the head end - this aids their little digestive system and is more comfortable for them than laying flat.

It was also around this age that we started to implement a bedtime routine - which consisted of cluster feeding her at 4, 6 and 8 and then dreamfeed at 10ish to really tank her up for the night. It was only 2 weeks after doing this that she started to sleep through the night - hoorah!!! (she was a big big baby though!)

Good luck and keep us posted!

Dee
x

[Maddy's Mum]

Doh! Just seen the message from Trish re: reflux!! We must have been writing at the same time!!!!

Dee
x

[LindseysMom]

Have you tried giving your lo a pacifier to see if that will help any.  I did the same thing as you, would stick my boob in Lindsey's mouth every time she fussed if nothing else worked and she was gaining weight like crazy too.  We tried a paci and it really helped.  She was not always hungry just needed to suck and preferably not on me all the time. :lol:

[Aarismom]

Good idea, girls!! For some strange reason, I didn't even think of reflux.

I actually had a minor problem with it. During that time I ended up elevating my crib (putting wooden blocks underneath two legs...note the crib is in a square corner, I wouldn't try this unless you have the same situation or you can find a way for the crib NOT to fall over) about 20 degrees. This seemed to help for a while I just had to make sure she didn't slide too far to the bottom when I checked on her...she never did, oddly enough. She was spitting up to the point of waking herself up, and the elevation helped keep it down. However, over time it got better, so I was able to lower the legs of the crib.

I might suggest doing this if you have a similar set-up and you have a reflux case on your hands. the only thing I would change is buy or create a sling to cross the crib to keep him from sliding down. Or, they do sell matress wedges, but I'm afraid they might bow the matress *shrug*.

*HUGS*
Sonya =P