Author Topic: new mom needs help  (Read 1750 times)

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Offline tara001

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new mom needs help
« on: September 07, 2005, 19:54:56 pm »
My son is 5 weeks old, and I feel very, very inadequate.
he has very irregular sleep patters and during the day he feeds for about 10-25 minutes at a streatch, but then he wants to be fed again sometimes less than half an hour later, or when he is eating he pulls away then goes back for more after a few minutes, this goes on all day, and I am exhausted. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I can do to get him to either eat more  and less frequently.

annamum

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« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2005, 22:10:56 pm »
Hi,

I remember feeling very very inadequate when my baby was 5 weeks old, too. She was also a frequent eater, her sleep pattern was all over the place and was very irregular. To be honest, she is now 19 months old and is still unpredictable regarding sleep, she is a spirited baby when it comes to sleep. So I know how you feel. Hugs!

First of all, is your son eating so frequently since he was born or is it something that started recently? If it started recently he may be going through a growth spurt when he is basically working on increasing your milk supply. If that's the case, go with a flow, let him nurse often, this will pass in a few days.

If he has been like this from the birth, I would say that he just likes to nurse for comfort. Babies don't know how to calm down, put themselves to sleep, and relax on their own, they need our help. The easiest for a newborn is to suck to release his stress, tiredness and whatever else. A new mom usually has problems to distinquish hungry cries from tired or bored cries and everytime offers her breast. I was doing that for quite a long time, everytime my dd cried, she was nursed. Anyway, in those first weeks it is so hard to know what to do, especially when you are sleep deprived and you just want your baby happy and have some rest yourself. And I am not saying that is wrong, but if you feel exhausted and want to try something else, I can understand you.

One thing that can help you to make sure that your baby is getting more milk at a time is to do breast compressions, you need to squeeze your breast when your baby starts to slow down, more info: http://www.thebirthden.com/Newman.html (you need to click on the link about breast compression).

Some other thing to try is to offer a pacifier if he has just fed and you think he just needs to suck. But do this only if you are sure he is not in a growth spurt at that moment, which usually happens at 5.5-6 weeks.

How is he sleeping? If you tell us more we will be able to help better.

Offline tara001

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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2005, 18:51:48 pm »
well if we can try to keep him awake from about 7-10 at night then he'll eat just before we put him down at 10:30, he'll wake around 2 or 2:30 and sometimes 3. then he'll be fed again and he's out about half an hour after that, then awake at 7. BUT if he isn't awake in the evening, he'll wake up about every 90 minutes or so...this is usually when he wants to eat all day for some reason, but the growth spurt idea sounds good, since I just started noticing my favorite sleeper of his is getting a little snug.
Also, when he is sleeping at night, he grunts and groans alot, and has done this since 2 weeks old, any ideas on that?

Offline shellbelle

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« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2005, 21:19:25 pm »
Hi there, please don't despair, i found the first ten weeks with my newborn absolutely mind numbingly difficult. I couldn't seem to get any sort of a routine going and felt like I should be able to be in more control which totally frustrated me. When you mentioned the number of feeds your baby takes in the night it doesn't sound very different to mine. What you will find is that babies go through so many rapid changes in such a short space of time that just as you settle into a so called pattern it all changes again anyway. I just consoled myself on the bad days with the phrase .. this time will pass... and it does all too quickly. My baby is 5 months old now and such a fantastic happy child, those hard first few weeks sped by and were oh so worth it... I hope things get easier for you
shellbelle

Offline GraceKellysmom

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new mom needs help
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2005, 00:52:40 am »
Newborn sleeping noises are the funniest things to listen to. I had to put my ds to sleep in the living room (we only had two bedrooms at the time) because I couldn't sleep with him in the bassinet next to my bed. They are so noisy! But if you leave them to work it out, that is how they figure to sleep on their own. If you "rescue" them before they are really awake and hungry, then they don't learn to put themselves back to sleep when they are in the really light phase of sleep.

It will get better. It will get better! The first 6 weeks are the hardest.
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Offline tara001

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« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2005, 18:47:15 pm »
Oh thank god!! I was beginning to think he had all sorts of problems, I did end up trying something new last night, I ended up putting him on his side, (I had a nightmare of him choking,previously) and he was so quiet, I think being curled up made his gas less painful.
I just keep fearing the worst with the noises and find myself standing over his bassinet like a lunatic, it was nice to not have to worry about him choking on spit or feeling horrible about gas.
another question would be regarding activities, am I paranoid or does every mom feel bad when they aren't holding therir baby?? I want him to kick and squirm  for exercise or enjoy the swing, but then I feel like I am neglecting him. (sigh) I guess I have a few things to learn!!! Oh and how should I keep him stimulated, I know he's a little young to play with toys! but what about those mats with hanging toys?

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« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2005, 21:25:09 pm »
I think you have very normal and healthy maternal instincts. I was feeling bad and empty when my baby was sleeping in her bedroom upstairs, while I watched TV downstairs. She seemed to be too far from me. THis is not a bad feeling, this actually says that you are deeply connected to your little one. With time, you will be able to find a balance and let him have more his own space, but don't worry right now  :D .

As to playing with toys, I think they are too small to really enjoy this exercise mats, and it also depends on a baby. Mine was easily overstimulated, I was using sometimes a bouncer to free my hands for a while, but had to remove from it all toys as she just felt overwhelmed with them.

I personally think that baby industry will come up with any sort of novelty and will be able to persuade parents that it is necessary for their child to have it. But it is just my opinion and I am also carefully chosing toys for my toddler. I don't like flashing lights and sounds because these toys don't teach your child how to be inventive. Instead, I prefer wooden toys, blocks, dolls that are all time favorite and will never get your child bored with them.

Offline Blackmamba

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« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2005, 18:23:48 pm »
Hello!
I'm new here, but really desperate! I have a 3 week old baby, Martin, and he does not want to breastfeed, not even when he's really hungry, and if he's sleepy is even worse! I reallyt want to breastfeed what can I do to make him like it....it seems to me that he is a little lazy because the bottle is easier for him...
Help please! :oops:

Offline notenoughshelfspace

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« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2005, 18:42:54 pm »
I have a five month old now and so it was not too long since I had a newborn on my hands; I have a textbook baby so I am lucky but here are some pointers that I found very useful; I always put my baby to sleep on the side. We bought bolsters to make sure she did not roll over etc... and put her on a different side every night to avoid the flat head syndrome. SHe sleapt beautifully and has been sleeping through since ten seeks; swaddling was also a godsend. I also loved the playmat as did Gigi; I started using it after about four weeks for literally about five minuites during her play time. At first I only hung two toys on the arches and we mainly listened to music.As she got older I added more toys, chimes she can kick etc... She now happily plays on it up to 30 min  on her own.

As for feelings of being a bad mother; I am afraid those feelings do not go away. I question muself constantly and worry whether I am making the right decisions in regards to anything I am doing with GIgi; have faith, we are all doing the best job we know how.
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Offline tara001

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« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2005, 19:36:07 pm »
Oh wow, apparently the first night on his side was his last, unless daddy isn't propping him well when he puts him down, the little guy is now eating every two hours! growth spurt??? well at least I know he isn't starving. but how do you tell from hungry or when he just wants to suck, cause he'll spirt out the pacifier, I put him on the breast only to have him spit that out 5 minutes later..nevermind I just answered my self, hmmm must be getting better at this mom stuff!
anybody else have a baby that like to be constatly moving..ie:swing, rocked, or bouncy chair??

Offline GraceKellysmom

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new mom needs help
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2005, 01:12:43 am »
Yeah, they like movement because that is what they are used to - inside you. Remember how he protested by waking up and kicking you when you lay down to sleep?  :lol:  I tied my second child onto myself with a sling carrier for the first two months of his life. He was quiet and content for the most part in the sling as long as I was moving, and it was easier to keep up with big sis and the housework. When he started to fall asleep, I just lay him down in the bassinet so he learned how to sleep on his own.

The nice thing about EASY is you pretty much know what they need. You feed them. They are awake for a few minutes. They cry again and act like they want to suck something which means they are tired. You give them the paci and get them off to sleep. Wish it was that easy!  :lol:  :wink:  It gets better!
Stacy, Mama to
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Offline marlowho

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« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2005, 03:16:19 am »
Way to go for hanging in there, Tara!
Black Mamba- I don't know if you're still checking this thread or not.  It sounds like you are trying to do both bottles and breast?  If so, then you still need to make sure your milk is well established first.  (i.e. no bottles until you know it is.)  If you want to start a new thread, I'm sure one of the moderators could give you some great tips too.

(((HUGS))) to you new Mommies!
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Noel Julienne (5/25/05)
Eloise Anne (8/3/09)

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Offline tara001

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« Reply #12 on: September 11, 2005, 23:08:24 pm »
ok, so I am apparently bad at this, I can never tell if my boy has eaten  enough, he'll eat from one breast, then keep spitting it out, so I think he's done, but when I go near his cheek he roots, I give him the other breast but he will have a bit then spit out, I will keep going near his cheek and he keeps rooting. he's eating every few hours now, I can't get a schedule down, and I feel like a failure...HELP, HELP HELP!!!!!! I am going nuts. (again)
oh and how much should he spit up? he spits up ALOT and sometimes it's milk and the other times it's curdled. I am sorry for all the questions, you'd think I could get one thing right. :oops: