Author Topic: Need some support  (Read 1219 times)

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Offline Tori's Mom

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Need some support
« on: September 06, 2005, 20:23:49 pm »
I have been very down the past couple of days.  My DH is not the greatest helper with DD and I am a SAHM.  Since my DD has been born, I have had NO TIME for myself.  I am getting little sleep (wakings at 2am which we are weaning and fussing throughout the night) and when I am laying in bed I can't shut off my brain to go to sleep.  I am getting about 5 hours of broken sleep a night  :shock:   I am also not eating enough because any chance I get I am nodding off for sleep.  I feel like I am at the end of my rope.
Everyone is telling me to wean her so that I am not tied down to her at all times (BTW, she refuses a bottle and is not very good with a sippy cup yet).  I don't know what to do.  Freedom and independence at this point sound like a dream and I am starting to lose patience with her and my dh.  What should I do?  How do you guys get out to have a life other than "Mom"?
Jacki
Mom to Tori   3/13/05




stasztk

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Need some support
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2005, 20:39:34 pm »
It does get better. I was a sahm with my son and my husband at the time didn't feel like it should be his responsibilty to care for our son. (We are now divorced btw) Your dh really needs to step up and help you out. If he is getting a blissful 8 hours of sleep per night how is that fair? When do you gat a break? He (I assume) gets time off like weekends and nights. I think parenting (and house work) should be divided up fairly. If not then why be married at all? I really hope for his sake he starts helping out. It is not safe for you or anyone else not to take time for yourself. I can tell you what will happen, you will become increasingly more and more angry at the world.
Do you have family that can help you?

annamum

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Need some support
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2005, 22:36:09 pm »
I was in a similar situation when my dd was that young. My dh was not able to take care of her and help me out (for different reasons that I don't want to discuss here) besides occasional 5 minutes here and there if I was lucky. Anyway, I decided that I was going to be the one without good sleep because dh had to be very concentrated during the day, he has an extremely demanding job. So I was like you, and my baby didn't take a bottle either. She wanted to be with me and on me all the time, I couldn't go to pee without her sitting on me  :lol: . I had no ME time either, other than in the evening after she went to sleep and before I headed to my bed. She was waking numerous times during the night and it was usually 45 minutes to 1 hour after I put her down for the night, and then again at least once before I went to sleep. Then again, two or three times during the night. Even when I was in bed, I couldn't fall asleep because I was laying there and waiting for a cry. I could hear phantom cries all the time.

But, I was not in a bad mood. Yes, I was tired, exhausted but still happy. It is normal to be frustrated from time to time because you are doing it all by yourself especially when you are sleep deprived. It is normal to long for independence and be angry that you don't have it. It is however worth checking out if you are just in a bad mood and sad or whether there is something more to it. I am thinking you could maybe check out with your doctor whether you have a post partum depression. Or check out our board on ppd. Just a thought.

Also, it gets better and it also gets worse  :lol: . As your lo gets older she will be more independent and needing you less but then, there are times when she will have a seperation anxiety and will want to be with you all the time again. I still don't get much ME time and my dd is 19 months now. She can play for some time and I can get to read or answer your post. I can go to the kitchen without her screaming to be picked up but I don't get long stretches of time just for myself, except in the evening.

If you wean, would your husband help out more, would he give that middle of the night bottle? If not, then it might be easier to offer breast instead of fixing formula in the night... I guess, it is really not question about weaning but about how you feel about yourself and sharing responsibilities with your dh and being a new mom. Weaning is not always an answer to all problems. Yes, you can get out and somebody can give a bottle to your baby when you are out but when it comes to nighttime parenting it is again you that has to deal with nightwakings, illnesses and such.

I hope you will feel better and either way, if you decide to wean or not let us know. We want to help  :D  :D  :D .

Offline Erin (redstarfalling)

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Need some support
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2005, 00:50:45 am »
Jacki - I was you a few months ago! :( It's rough, really really rough, going day after day with just not enough sleep.  Looking back, I don't know how I managed.  Dd wouldn't take a bottle, Dh wouldn't get up with her at night, so it was just me, and for about 2 months, I co-slept with her most of the night so that I could even get 5 hrs broken sleep!  I mean, for a while, she was waking every hour all night long.  But it got better. And it keeps getting better. 

Around your dd's age, it was particularly hard, because she couldn't sit up and play on her own for long.  I coped by carrying her around in a Bjorn when I could and trying to sleep when she slept.  If I did go out without her (and I can count the number of times I did this on one hand!), I planned it around her feeds. By around 6 months, I started trying different sippy cups to see which might work - I had given up on bottles by this time!  I practiced in sippy cups with water throughout the day (BTW - the Nuby with the soft silicone spout is the best for her!), and now she can actually take some milk from it too.  Plus, once she started eating solids, I could go out and if necessary, someone could give her a snack to hold her over.

I guess what I'm saying is that you're not alone in feeling this way, but it will get better.  Part of your short temper and irritation likely stems from fatigue and the stir-craziness that some of us get when we don't get time away from our lo!  I also found it helped to get out with other moms and babies - Movies for Mommies were a life-saver, if you have them in your area.  If you can get an hour or 2 away with someone else to watch her - do it! You definitely need to take care of yourself - and that means trying to relax and have some me time.

Weaning her might seem like the easy solution at this point, but think carefully.  If she doesn't take a bottle, it'll be a struggle.  Plus, it's much easier to whip out a breast than to wash and prepare formula! She'll be getting more and more independent every day - you'll see!

Like I said, I went through it.  You'd be surprised how many moms do and survive...even if it seems unbearable now!  If you want to talk or just vent, PM me anytime!
Erin
Mother to Megan and Samantha


Offline Tori's Mom

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Need some support
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2005, 18:00:07 pm »
Thank you so much for your words of encouragment.  I am doing much better today  :D   I have talked with DH and he has commited to helping more when he can.  He is a realtor and has weird hours so it should be interesting. 
I am not going to wean her.  I have no problem with the bfing but am going to start diligently trying for her to take a bottle or a sippy cup so that I can leave and still feel confident that she will not starve..... :roll:   I figured out that she is DEFINATELY teething now so that added to an already stressful day yesterday.  Today I definately have a better gripe on my emotions and am in a much better head space. 
Thank you again for you "been there, done that stories".  None of my friends (which are few) have babies so I am kinda the trailblazer!  It helps to know that I am not alone.
Jacki
Mom to Tori   3/13/05




Offline Tamara

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Need some support
« Reply #5 on: September 07, 2005, 19:11:54 pm »
Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today.

I also know exactly what you're going through and it's memories like these that make me hesitant about having a 2nd  :(

For me - i know that we sort of hit a bit of a turning point at about 9-10 months when she started to take a bottle last thing at night, and so relieving me of the bedtime routine at least (and the BF her to sleep, which took ages sometimes  :roll: )

Bear with it - you're doing a FAB job, the only prob is that people around you will not realise this or realise just how hard it is on you, and so, never give you the praise or encouragement you need.  Make sure you Lean on your DH for support as well, so that he knows at least what you're going through and how you're feeling.