12 mth old won't sleep without breastfeeding, need to wean

[Georgesmom]

Please help.  I am tired and getting desparate.  Unfortunately I didn't know anything about the EASY routine until just recently.  I have been breastfeeding my baby since he was born, he is now an almost 13 month old healthy eater and loves a variety of solid foods.  He will drink water from a sippy cup but has refused a bottle anytime I have ever tried to give him one.  My problem is that he will only fall asleep for his nap and bedtime if I nurse him.  He refuses cow's milk from a sippy cup/bottle and the most I can get him to drink during a day is about 3oz.  I really want him to be able to fall asleep on his own and want him fully weaned but I am also worried about him not getting enough milk if I just stop nursing altogether.  My doctor advised me he needs approx 8oz of milk a day.  Also, he is getting up 1 to 2 times a night after the bedtime feed to eat again.  I just don't know what to do.  Can anyone help?

[elfin]

Hello,

Do you have any of Tracy's books?  I would suggest her most recent one as she deals with situations just like this in the book.

Could you tell us what his day looks like?  Where he sleeps?  What do naptime and bedtime look like? Are you nursing him until he is fully asleep or just drowsy?

Post back and we'll try to help.

[Georgesmom]

Thanks for your quick reply!!  I feel better already knowing someone's willing to help. 

I don't have Tracy's latest book but will go out tomorrow to buy it. 

Our routine is as follows:  8:30-9am he wakes up, brkfst of fruit, toast, eggs, porridge, etc. (I give him a sippy cup of Homo Milk w/brkfst).  9:45-10am wash up and get dressed, playtime until 12pm, snack of cheese and crackers, apple slices, blueberries, etc..(Here I give sippy cup of water).  1-1:30pm I nurse him until he falls asleep.  Here I keep him on my lap for the whole hour to hour and a half that he naps because if I move him into his crib or even onto the floor, his pack & play, etc he immediately wakes up and cries until I put him back on the brst and he falls asleep again.  Once he wakes we have lunch then go out for a walk, run errands, etc.  5:30-6pm we begin eating dinner.  (I try milk in one cup and water in another) A walk after dinner or play in the yard.  Play time until 8pm.  Bath, story and cuddles bring us to about 8:30 - 9pm.  I nurse him until he falls asleep otherwise it's crying again.  He then sleeps in his crib for about 2-3 hours when he'll wake up crying.  My husband walks him back to sleep (usually about 3-10 minutes).  He's then up about 1am for a big nurse and I hate to admit it but I usually just bring him into our bed at this time because I am so tired (not always but alot).  Then he sometimes gets up at 5am to eat again (maybe 3 times a week) and always gets up around 7:30am to eat again but falls asleep until he's up at 9.

Sorry for the long story but this is very typical for us.  During the day he eats alot of food - everything he eats is homemade and he gets a good variety each day to meet all of the food groups.  Also, he drinks about 10oz -12 oz of water during the day (meals, snacktime, etc) but refuses his milk.

Any advice is welcome!!

[Jessi]

I was in pretty much the same situation with ds when he was that age.  I had had him going to sleep on his own, but then we were staying with relatives for 2 months while waiting for a job transfer and I ended up nursing him to sleep for naps and nighttime feedings, because it was so much easier since we were in family's homes. 

Anwyay, as soon as we moved and got settled, I got Tracy's new book and read up on PU/PD.  The new book is great because she has different strategies for different ages.  When I felt like I really understood it and I could fully commit, I started and boy was it a long process.   There were days I did it for an hour or more with lots of crying at the beginning, but it did get better. 

I would suggest tackling naps and bedtime first.  Leave the night wakings for later, unless you want to be absolutely exhausted.  After dealing with the naps and bedtime, and getting him asleep on his own consistently, I then started working on night wakings.  I was given the advice that as long as they go to sleep in the beginning of the night on their own, that you don't have to worry too much about nursing at night.

I hope this is a start.  Definitely get the book and read up.  From there, definitely ask as many questions as you have.  I remember telling dh that we'd never have a ds who we could just put in his crib and he'd fall asleep.  After Tracy's method, we do.  It was a long road, but VERY worth it.  Keep coming to the board.  It's the best support you can get!

Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions!

Jessi

[Georgesmom]

Thanks so much! 

Jenn

[elfin]

I agree with Jessi about implementing PU/PD.  This will get rid of the nursing to sleep and teach him how to fall asleep independently.

I'll be honest it will be very hard and there will be crying, but the most important thing is that once you start you follow through with it.  It is soooo worth it in the long run.

A good idea once you are committed to doing it is to post like a journal on here that way we can all offer support and encouragement.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Georgesmom]

I swear I am a big dork.  I just did the pu/pd with George for his nap without breastfeeding and I don't know who had more tears.  It took about 18 minutes but it felt like an hour.  I can't remember when he has cried so hard.  I feel really bad about it because I know he was upset.  I'm going to try to stick with it but it seems pretty brutal on both of us. 

The next issue I have now is that without nursing him through the day or to put him to bed I am worried he won't get enough nourishment because he won't drink much cow's milk.  I will continue to nurse him when he wakes through the night for now.  I am hoping it'll be enough.  I made an appt with his pediatrician to discuss.

I didn't realize how tough it is being a mom sometimes. 

Thanks Carrie and Jessi.  This is an amazing website.

[Jessi]

Great job! 18 minutes is really good!  Rather than feeling bad about him crying, try to realize that you're teaching him a new skill that will greatly benefit him.  I know it's hard though.  Just know that since you're in there with him, he doesn't feel abandoned, just frustrated at the change.

As for the nursing issue, how much do you think he normally gets when he nurses to sleep?  I wouldn't worry too much about it.  Just nurse him when he wakes up and then offer milk all day long.  My ds hardly drank any cow's milk at first, maybe 3 oz, but he got used to it and now takes in much more.  It's always good to remember that babies usually take in what they need, so as long as you're offering, he'll drink when he needs it!

Are you going to do PU/PD for bedtime tonight?  Keep us posted and good luck!

Jessi

[elfin]

18 minutes is really really good!  Just be sure to feed him once he wakes to be sure he is getting the nutrients he needs.  Jessi is right on about the crying..he is confused and frustrated because it is a different way of falling asleep from what he has ever known.  Just keep telling yourself that it is worth it in the long run, and think of how better rested you both will be.

Just stay consistent with what you are doing and the PU/PD.

You are doing such a great job!!!!