HI Lisa,
I'm so sorry you're going through this! It seems to me that you and your daughter are both confused on how to handle these night wakings. You've tried so many things, but have you actually given them a solid go? Pu/pd takes extreme consisitency and time. With those two ingredients, though, it usually works, unless you have a very touchy baby. I also think maybe bed time could be moved up to 7:00 or so. She is definitely over tired by the time you get her into bed because of that last 4 1/2 hour stretch. That's probably too long for her right now, especially at the end of the day.
I would start by moving up her bed time, getting a solid bedtime routine into play if you don't have one yet and keeping activities in the evening low key as much as you can.
Then, I would give pu/pd another try. You have to FULLY commit to it though. IF you don't think you can handle it for the long run, don't start or everything will just get worse. Remember you are doing this to teach your dd that you will be there for her when she cries, but that it is OK to go to sleep and STAY asleep in her crib by herself. She just needs to re-learn where to sleep.
Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
Sara