How do you survive the first month?

[jillplus1]

My baby is now 2.5 weeks old and she has times when she will scream from one feeding to the next.  Sometimes these are during the day, sometimes at night.  We have tried to get her on eat/activity/sleep during the day and then at night just feed and back to sleep.  When she is screaming nothing will console her.  Yesterday we put her in the bassinet and just let her cry (while I cried in the next room) and she feel asleep in about 20 minutes.  I don't know if it was coincidence or if this is what she needs.  It feels so cruel.  Any help?

[Mum to Ella Rose]

First off big hugs to you! Nothing IMO is as overwhelming as the first few months of motherhood! And you do get through it... my dd was very sick in the beginning and screamed inconsolably for up to 18 hours a day straight. My dh and I thought we would have a nervous breakdown! Now... I can't even believe where the time has gone and dd is the light of our lives. We would do it all over again with her in a heart beat she is so precious!

That said, maybe you could post a bit more about what's happening during your days. I don't believe in crying it out but when you are at your wit's end there is nothing wrong with putting the baby down in a safe place and taking a few moments to have a good cry yourself. There are so many wonderful mums here who can help you through this.

In addition to your routine, can you tell me more about her screaming? Have you checked out the colic/reflux board? Have a look at the symptoms listed there and see if your dd has any of them...

Keep us posted and hang in there! I promise you it gets better! 

Sharon

[GraceKellysmom]

How is she being fed? Screaming like that, constant screaming, most of the waking hours, indicates something may be hurting her. The two things that come to mind are GERD (reflux) and/or an intolerance to something she's being fed. (intolerance to formula or something mom is eating.

Also, how often is she eating?

How long does it take her to feed?

What's the longest amount of time she's slept days/nights?

Does holding her upright after feeding help?

[jillplus1]

I am breastfeeding.  I am not eating anything spicy, caffinated, or milk products other than yogurt.  She is really good most of the time, but making poopy diapers seems to make her upset.  It doesn't seem like she has too much gas or anything (gas drops do not help).  I feed every 2-3 hours.  I will feed in 2 hour intervals before bed to try to get her to go 4 hours in the night.  I have to wake her up to feed her, even in the night.

Jill

[GraceKellysmom]

Hi Jill 

Congrats on making the decision to breastfeed. I'm a nursing mommy too. My kids were both milk protein intolerant, and my son was also soy protein intolerant. So I understand the restricted diet issues. It does get better!  :wink:

Is there a reason why you are waking her at night to feed? Is she having weight gain problems or have you been advised by a doctor to continue to do so? It is unusual to wake them at night to feed, that's all. I've had to wake both my kids to nurse in the early weeks too. Every 2-3 hours is great for day time.

I think babies are just very gassy for the first 4-6 weeks. There isn't much you can do about it, but gas drops, and bicycling the legs, and making sure to burp them really, really well. They do outgrow it. Try sleeping her on her side if that is ok with her doctor, she may be more comfortable, you can use a sleep positioner.

If you find that she is crying A LOT, like most waking moments, we can reevaluate your diet, and revisit the posibility that she has tummy problems, like reflux. As you spend more time with her, you should be able to start to distinguish between "I'm hurting" and "I'm tired" or "I'm overstimulated, can Grandma stop keeping me up to smile at her!!!"  :lol:

How are YOU doing? Recovering ok? Sleeping when she naps during the day? Getting a shower and eating?

[jillplus1]

I think she cries when she is overtired and overstimulated. 

I'm not doing very well.  I feel like crying all the time because I am so tired.  I don't nap well, and I haven't had much sleep in 21 days.

[GraceKellysmom]

Oh, Hon, it does get better. It really does. The first 6 weeks can be brutal. It is a huge adjustment, and that is understated. You are probably experiencing very natural baby blues, but if you feel depressed all the time, you need to see your doctor. After birth, our hormones are all out of whack, and sometimes we need help getting back to feeling normal.

Is your husband (dh) around that he could help out? Would he get baby in the night and bring to you to feed and then get her back to sleep so you can sleep? Are you going to bed when she does at night? (I don't nap well either, so my solution was going to bed at 8pm.)

You are nearing the 3 week growth spurt when she will likely eat and eat to up your supply. Try to stay in, just lounge and feed her. Try to at least rest if she sleeps. If anyone can offer you an hour of watching her so you can take a bath or rest, take them up on it. Ask your mom to bring dinner over, if she lives close, or a friend if they are willing. Teach yourself to let go of control - over the house being clean, over whatever bugs you. Hug yourself and tell yourself that it gets better. Motherhood is a journey.

My babies both loved being "worn" for activity period in a sling type carrier for the first months. It was womb-like, and the movement lulled them. When they were starting to fall asleep, I would try laying them down. Do you have any type of carrier that you could use?

[magdalena x 2]

Hey there,

Your words and feelings sound sooooo similar to how I felt.  My daughter, Lena, is now 4 mos. old.  It does get MUCH better... especially when you have other women rooting for you (like the moderators... they're great).  Lena would cry like what you're describing, too.  We thought it was gas, but after reading Tracy's book I would say she was probably overstimulated/ overtired.  I'm just glad you've diagnosed that now and not 2.5 mos into it like we did! 

I'm not sure this if this is an official BW way to do it, so moderators, let me know if I'm way out of bounds here.  The thing that works VERY well with Lena (even now) is white noise.  You turn on the ol' vacuum and it relaxes her little racing mind almost instantly - helping her block out all the other distractions.  We use it less & less these days, but it was a real life-saver in the beginning.  I know it sounds crazy, but it sure worked for us. 

Just don't get your baby in the habit of falling asleep to it!  We also cut her actvity WAY down & got a little better at watching her tired signals.

Good luck; hang in there; we're here for you

Maggie

[Mum to Ella Rose]

 You turn on the ol' vacuum and it relaxes her little racing mind almost instantly - helping her block out all the other distractions. 

eep trying to learn the "quote" feature..sorry if this is a mess...

Just wanted to say for us the lifesaver was the hairdryer!  :lol:

Sharon

[Mum to Ella Rose]

blargh. well that quoting business didn't work for me... sorry about that but I'm sure you get what I mean.  :oops:

Sharon

[CaedensMama]

Another thing that helped us was the book "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr Harvey Kemp. We didn't agree with everything, but he had some good thought that helped calm a screaming baby!