Hi all,
Sorry about the delay, we have been moving.
Ok, first re:
I understand that you should sit & play with them and not leave them to cry, but what about a daycare provider. She can't just sit with Garrett, she has other kids to care for and attend to. We aren't able to take off work for long period of time to get thru this. He is 12 mos old. He just will not play at all when he is left alone. He cries and if you leave him long enough, he'll just finally go to sleep.
I guess this comes down to personal choice! If you have to have this environment for your lo then the only thing you can do is provide 'requests' to your day care provider and ask that he/she not leave your ds to cry... "long enough to go to sleep". Personally that would not be suitable for my philosophy because leaving them to cry, and if long enough, will go to sleep isn't 'helpful' to the development of a toddler/baby. It may provide you with the 'desired' outcome but that does not mean it is right. When they cry they are expressing their need... if that need is ignored for long periods of time and acted on inconsistently, this may not allow for them to 'learn' that there communication is effective or even wanted. So... I guess it is your call.
Re:
Teddy, I have a question too.....
What about the babies who hate the car seat and cry whenever they are in it? It's just not feasible to not go anywhere..??
Yep.. good question really and unfortunately you do get circumstances where some babies do not like car seats or strollers or whatever... and by the way, this can be for medical reasons such as reflux, as the car seat etc actually puts the baby in a position where their tummy 'folds' and causes reflux and pain... so once again, there is a need which may be missed. Our ds had reflux and intensely disliked his car seat and often his stroller... and we actually limited going anywhere we could not walk to (with him in the front pack) because unless it was totally necessary, I personally did not want to cause him any further pain or anxiety. The crying was not based around 'manipulation' but communicating a need. The way I see it.... the first 3 years are REALLY important for how their brain is wired and their neural pathways are formed. You spend nine months pregnant and then try and provide an environment where it is nurturing so they can learn that their communication 'skills' are both desired and effective... why would you want to push it simply because it does not fit into a lifestyle?
I feel very concerned when I read about people trying to 'train' their little ones towards independent play. This is going against their whole individual personalities and temperaments and placing an adults requirement and 'requiring' a development that they may individually not be ready for. It is so important to follow your own individual child's cues, rather than projecting an adults own requirements. Why would it be necessary to 'train' a baby/toddler... when they will get to it when they are developmentally ready, and therefore in a more secure context rather than a 'shut-down' context. They need to build trust in their caregivers and their own environment... and that is being respectful to what they are 'saying' rather than telling them what you want and how long you want to play for!
Cheers
Ted
