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Offline Lucysmom

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Leaving her to fuss
« on: September 22, 2005, 14:05:24 pm »
Hi -

Since it seems that patting and the usual bag of tricks no longer helps my dd get through the 45 minute mark (she is 16 weeks), I have tried to just hold back and not go in her room when she wakes up.  I am assuming what I am doing is OK but I am paranoid that I will somehow traumatize her....I am leaving her to fuss and she has fallen back to sleep by herself but has only stayed asleep for about 10 minutes then is up again.  She is not all out crying and it is definitely not a "get in here now" cry.  Just want some reassurance that this is OK....I just don't think that me being there is helping and it seems like she is able to fall back to sleep so maybe I should just butt out and see how she does??????  So difficult to know what to do!!!
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Offline Aarismom

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2005, 14:08:29 pm »
It's ok, I do it all the time, and my lo never seems the worse for wear :)

Tracy actually encourages that you allow your lo to do this. Many lo's use fussing as a way to self soothe to sleep...sort of a wind down. It can be hard to listen to, I can vouch for that. But as soon as they go back to sleep, you'll know it's worth it. Just make sure you go to them if they are all out crying for you.

*HUGS*
Sonya =P
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Offline momofnewbaby

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2005, 19:54:25 pm »
I have to agree with Sonya. I do it with Mihika too. As long as they are only fussing, they are learning to self soothe and go back to sleep. I know it is hard to listen to, and I always feel like I should intervene, but it is in her best interest for me to hold back.

You're doing the right thing. Reassure your lo if she cries out for you.

HTH,

Sumita
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Offline james030405

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2005, 20:02:38 pm »
Hi Melissa

It sounds like your lo is doing a "mantra cry".  They often do this to help them go to sleep.  My ds does this and it sounds like a cry but there are no tears.  I only go to him if the cries start to get to the stage where there are tears.  You can definitely tell the difference.  You are doing no harm to your lo as she is learning to self sooth.  On occasions I still have to go to James and we do the pat/sh just enough to settle him down back to the mantra cry and then he goes to sleep.

Sounds like you are doing a great job in listening to your baby.

Hope everything else is well for you.

Lisa - mum to James my textbook/spirited Koala bear
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Offline Lucysmom

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2005, 20:29:54 pm »
Thanks ladies for your encouragement.  It is very frustrating and heart-breaking listening to her and trying to figure out when/if I should intervene.  For her afternoon nap she slept 45 minutes and then woke up and kept falling back to sleep but only for 10 minutes.  So her afternoon nap was just 45 minutes.  I just got her down again after feeding her and it was a nightmare.  Not mantra crying, just all out crying out of fatigue and frustration.  I probably put her down too asleep but she is sooooo overtired at this point and I feel I need to pick my battles.  For her morning nap she did sleep a total of 1.5 hours even though it was broken into two distinct 45 minute chunks!  But I did not have to intervene so that is at least good I guess..... Thanks again ladies!
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Offline Matthew's Mommy

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2005, 23:56:27 pm »
I think there's always a question of "when to hold back" and "when to support".    For infants past 5 months old, I always encourage to hold back a bit, and provide opportunities to self soothe/resettle to sleep. I'm not saying to CIO or CC, but not to rescue. Sometimes, simply placing a hand on the back while he/she fusses is helpful. Other times, if it sounds like just a protest or settling into sleep type of fuss, then I tend to hold back altogether.
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Offline Colesmom

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2005, 00:36:17 am »
Lucysmom:  I am having the same feelings.  My DS takes 10 minutes to settle before every nap and sometimes a little longer before bed.  He just needs to cry I think to shut out all the stimulation from the day.  I hate to hear it but know that I'm not helping if I go in and interrupt.

I have to admit that for the one nap I extend each day I am sooooo worried that he'll get too worked up at the 45 min. mark and won't resettle that i've still been going in to pat him.  no longer need the shush...so i'm hoping that soon he won't need the pat either.  Today I extended to a full 2 hours!  He settled after about 5 minutes of patting but i stuck around the crib until the 60 min. mark just in case.

sometimes i'm not 100% sure whether it's a need me cry or not and that's where I'll doubt myself and go in.  Now that my lo is sleeping so well through the night I wonder if I'll know what to do when he really does need me :oops:   

not that i was any help...just wanted to let you know others feel the same!

Traci
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Offline Meg's Mom

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Leaving her to fuss
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2005, 01:42:19 am »
I am currently having a real hard time w/ this too.  I could so easily tell when she was younger what each cry was.  But now, it all sounds like the get in here cry.  I haven't had to let fuss/cry for sooooooo long that i have forgotten how. 

Anyone w/ an older LO who can offer some tips?  When we say hold back, how long if we are not doing CC...which i am not in favor of?
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