Non cuddly baby

[jpisaac]

I am writing about my 11 month old darling son...

He's never been cuddly, even as a newborn, he would barely sleep in my arms and right away started lifting his head off my shoulder when I would burp him.  Then I couldn't hold him facing in, he always had to face out.  Now he's cranky on the change table, often swats my face away if I try to kiss him and barely lets me hold him.  If I pick him up, he'll push out his feet and arms, so I can't hold him in my arms.   He's definately a "grumpy" baby, as described in Tracy's book.

I love him more that I could imagine loving anybody and I totally respect him and his independence.  I always give him his space that he seems to need and never force affection on him.

I just struggle with feeling rejected and have a hard time believing that he actually loves me.  It's hard being so commited and giving to a baby that seems to almost prefer being by himself...

Anyone else feel like this??  How do you get past these feelings??

[ktmum]

Reading this post is like turning back the clock for me
My DD was never a cuddly baby she wouldnt sit still she would pull me scratch me etc etc. I had PND and I took it sooo personally you wouldnt believe. I really thought she hated me.
HOWEVER after she started to walk and gained some freedom she started coming to me for cuddles and kisses, she will sit nicely on my lap etc
I just want to say he loves you   babys at that age arnt able to process cognetive thoughts such as, like muumy dont like mummy. You are his carer and provider and hes your baby. I really do know how hard it is when you feel rejected by your Lo. BUT TRUST ME as he grows he will want hugs and cuddles and when he hurts himself he will want his mummy
I hope that helps abit
Love ( and cuddles from me   :wink: )
Karen

[NKmommy]

Oh, it is NOT YOU!  Your description sounds identical to my DS.  I had always had images when I was pregnant of holding my darling baby, singing songs to him, etc.  Things could not have been more opposite. 

Nathan hates to be cuddled.  When I pick him up for a hug, he instantly pushes away, trying to get down.  If me or DH get close to him to give him a kiss, he flails his arms to swat us in the face.

In fact, the only time he will let us hold him is if he is sick.  If he ever calmly sits in my arms, I know something is wrong.  In fact, a couple weeks ago, he was sick with a high fever.  I was holding him, and thinking, so THIS is what it feels like...   :?

When I feel bad about him rejecting my cuddles, I just have to remind myself that this is his personality.  Even though he is not a cuddler, I SO admire his independence, and his excitement in exploring his world.

When I walk into his room after his nap and get a huge smile, I KNOW he loves me.  And when he is exploring a new place, and he looks at me to make sure things are okay, I KNOW he loves me. 

Even though your DS may not show it in hugs, you are still his mommy! 

 

[jpisaac]

Thank you for your support.  I try to look for his affection in ways other than cuddles, and I do see in his smiles when he wakes from his nap, and how he always has his eyes on me with new surroundings...

Another thing I found is my neighbour lent me a Baby Einstein video, and it keeps his interest enough that he happily sits on my lap and we watch the video together.  Then I get my snuggles in...  Hey you've got to work with what you have eh??

Thanks again!!

[CW]

These are amazing posts!  Seriously, I had wanted to write something similar for a while, but just didn't know what category to post!

I have an 11mo DS and he is also a NON cuddler.  From birth, he was just so much more interested in the outside world.  In the beginning, I thought it was just a phase and that he would become cuddly later on....HA!  I remember at some point calling my mom and saying that I just didn't think my baby even liked me.

I think for him, anyone holding him is just a "vehicle" to go from one place to another.  He smiles and is happy and fun loving.  But it seems like he'll just endure a 5 second hug and a kiss to make mommy and daddy happy.

About a couple of months ago, he adopted his blankie as his "lovey" and if I hold him and the blankie, I might get about 20 seconds of a cuddle.  I don't care if he takes that blankie to college...I am keeping it if it means a little more cuddling for me.

The positive side to this is that he is not at all clingy (whiney, yes, clingy no) and seems confident and independent.  Finding that silver lining I guess.

[Tamara]

Oh - so it's not just my baby then???!!!

Even form 12 weeks old, DD had to be bolt upright , would NOT recline at all - consequently would not sleep in my arms (ony when young and BF), on my lap or anything.

She's 28 months now and VEFY verbal.  She tells me off all the time for giving her 'too many' hugs, but the worse is kisses, she does not do kisses at all - I get told off for giving her too many " no, mam-mam - that's enough kisses" whilst throwing the excess onto the floor  :roll:  :lol:

I love her so much - i just want to hug and kiss her and for us to have 'snuggles' on the sofa etc, but she ain't interested  .

It's been hard for me to accept this, and yes, I toohd feeling of being unloved and rejected by her when she was younger, but it's true, now that's she's older, she will come and give me a spontaneous kiss and a 2 second hug!!

I now accept DD as she is (whilst hoping for a mega huggy baby next time  :wink: )

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Another one here  :lol:  but I have to say in the last month since she has become more mobile we get lots of kisses, hugs and arms up all the time. It makes a nice change    especially when she is reading her book and she turns her face up for a kiss. When dh asks her for a kiss now she leans foward with her mouth open  :roll:
In saying that she has always been happy and smiley, well in general

[teezee]

our dd does not like to be held or cuddled either.  she had a low birth weight and then we found out she had reflux so it seemed for the first month or so we ALWAYS held her...she is now 16 weeks and for the past month and a half the only time we can hold her n hug her without her throwing a fit is when she first wakes up...after that she just wants to explore everything on her own in her own way...she loves people talking or playing with her she just NEEDS her space.  Hopefully she will get over it as she gets older - this is not a phase that i want to see last for long, altho if it does, i have no choice but to accept this about her personality.  :?