okay first piece of advise, you are not alone in this and don't give up.
It took me an entire month for my dd to finally "get" her EASY routine.
Have you tried holding him in your arms while swaddled to do pat/shh.
I found that with starting something new, dd found it comforting to be in my arms to reassure her when going to sleep.I would hold her until she was starting to close her eyes, and then put her down. By that time she would be too tired to fight it anymore. I would do pat/shh if needed when she was in her crib.
Like tracy says the key to it is consistency.
Also what I found is to go with the flow and not watch the clock so much, to me as long as I have it in the right order of things, E then A then S, I am on a roll, anything after that is sheer luck.
HTH, we are here for you if you need us!
Keep up the good work hun, on the dh I know what you mean, my dh is the same, but try to intergrate him when you are home, say weekends, let hime know what the routine is and what your lo's cues are, you never know, you may get some valuable nap time in then!!!
Good Luck...