feeling hugely inept, confused, etc with my six-week-old

[mandykittie]

I just don't get it.  I'm so sick of spending my whole day trying to get this kid to take a nap.  I'm pleased that he sleeps so long once we get there (two+ hours, whereas my first would only go 30 min), but it's really cutting into time I need to spend with my 2 1/2 year old daughter, and I'm really missing/needing the "Y" part of EASY. 
Every once in awhile he'll go down drowsy and put himself to sleep, or fuss for a minute before dropping off, but usually he just won't even look drowsy, and shhh/pat doesn't do anything (up to 30 min, tough with a two year old around!) if he's not in the mood.  We spent almost three hours last night trying to put him to bed.  It was ridiculous!  I've now been trying for two hours to get a nap out of him.  I finally decided I'd let him cry for a few minutes and even that didn't really help  (besides which, I feel awful for letting a six-week old baby cry!).
I've been watching carefully for the sleepy signs, and usually get a yawn about 40 - 60 min after he wakes (and he'll usually get droopy while I'm nursing him after he wakes, but rarely can I nurse him to sleep...even when he's exhausted).  I swaddle him, then sit and sway gently while I pat rhythmically on his back, waiting for him to relax a bit.  Then I lay him in the bassinette and either (a) hope for him to fall asleep, or (b) shh/pat for as long as I can (again, the dilemma with the older sibling), depending on whether he looks drowsy.  If this doesn't work, I sometimes resort to trying to nurse him, rock or walk him, put him in the sling, etc, just so I can be social with my older one who needs and deserves attention.  This typically doesn't work, and I get really frustrated.  Even the swing doesn't work, and I so want to avoid something like that!   He's been getting up around seven, and we've been trying to get him in bed around 6:30-7, since this is the time that seems to work the best. Later than this and he's usually overtired and up more at night.  He wakes every three hours or so at night.
Oh, and I tried a pacifier, which I really want to avoid due to ear infections and wishing he'd suck his thumb instead, but it doesn't seem especially helpful since he can't keep it in well and cries when it falls out. 
I'm sorry that this is so long and disjointed, but I'm so tired and frustrated I don't know what to do!  I know that this stage will pass, but I don't want to screw things up with my not-so-accidental parenting!
Thanks!
Amanda

[Jaime]

first of all, (((((HUGS)))))

it is so hard with 2, isn't it?  i remember just crying in frustration so many times trying to get my little guy to sleep.  (while my 2 year old wreaked havoc around the house!)

you mention that he has no problem sleeping when he gets to sleep, which makes me think you may be waiting too long to put him down.  instead of waiting for the first yawn, maybe try putting him in his crib about 10-15 minutes before that yawn shows up and see if that helps.

course, you may just be in pat/shhh boot camp for a few weeks to come.  there were days when i thought ds would never get it.  but i persevered and stayed consistent, and he did finally learn how to put himself to sleep and stay asleep.

in the meantime, some tips for the 2 yo:
- get some toys that come out just when you are trying to get #2 to sleep
- block off her play area so you know she's coralled and safe
- get someone else to come and play with your 2 yo on a regular basis (maybe a mother's helper or the like who comes a couple afternoons)
- have her start teaching her own "baby" doll to sleep - i am amazed at how good my older one is with this!

good luck & HTH 

[mandykittie]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply...just knowing someone out there has shared my frustration is so helpful!  In a lot of ways, having two has gone better than I expected, but this has been such a frustration.  I haven't cried (much) yet, since I think I'm just too tired to squeeze any tears out! 

Our problem's been worse today and last night, since every time I get him to sleep he wakes a few minutes later, crying and wide-eyed.  I can see that I may be catching him a little late.  Last evening and this morning I tried catching him at 45 minutes rather than 60 (when I usually see that first yawn), but it still wasn't working.  I think this likely is the problem (along with what appears to be a cold:(), but my general ineptitude with soothing to sleep and my lack of patience owing to a need to pay attention to Josie is making it hard.  I guess I just need more practice. 

I also noticed that Josie's white noise machine (set on "mountain stream") seems to make him drowsy.  I think I may go invest in another.  I'm really trying not to create a sleeping monster the way I did with Josie, though.  She has to have a completely dark room (blackout liners taped down, no nightlight---keeps her awake) and LOUD white noise to fall asleep.   I really don't want to wind up with another kid like that.  I guess I should just be happy that he sleeps in the car, since she never did (and would scream bloody murder until she was four months old!).

Thanks again for the advice, and let me know if you have any other ideas!
Amanda

[Jaime]

it is normal for things to get worse before they get better.  that's why it's so important to stay consistent.  it's almost as if they are 'testing' you already - to see if this really how to do things.

the white noise is probably a very good idea, and i wouldn't worry too much about it being a prop.  my #1 needed soft music playing while she slept, but by the time she was 1 she no longer needed it.  i have a humidifier going all the time for #2... and am really just hoping he outgrows it!  :lol:  he needed the dark curtains too, and while he still has them at home he can sleep at daycare without him.  his room is just too bright otherwise, though.

anyhow, good luck with everything!!