Desparately needing help with naps

[maggiesmommy]

My daughter is 12 weeks today, and so far as a 1st time mom I've tried a baby led schedule....at this point it's just not working.  In my opinion she is a very healthy and happy child and thriving well, however there are times when she gets very cranky b/c  she's overtired.  There are also some other problems that we've fallen into, as you would call accidental parenting: I've been nursing her to sleep or even worse I nurse her while sidelying so she nurses every 15 minutes or so .  I do this b/c it was getting me horizontal!  Or we rock her to sleep, also my husband loves to nap with her on his chest on the weekends and in general she is held almost all the time except for 10-20 minutes here or there when she's in a bouncer, swing or on the playmat.  All in all it has not been bad on the weekends but during the week when it's only me it's exhausting!  Her
nighttime wakings and capnapping days are taking a toll on me and ultimatley my relationship with my husband as well as the quality care that I give my daughter.  I feel that if I could institute a flexible routine for napping, eating and playing, things would improve and I would get the down time that I need.  Up to today she was sleeping ~30-45 min with each nap (on a rare occasion she'll nap 2-3 hours!) and I was feeding her roughly on a 3 hour schedule.  My  first goal with her is to break the nursing to sleep.  I've done it 3 times so far and she protests but will ultimately go to sleep with the shh-pat or a little rocking (I figure one thing at a time).  I would really appreciate some advice on what to do, how to lengthen her naps, usually after 30-45 min. she'll wake and fuss...what then?   Also how often I should feed her (she's 14lbs 8oz and 25 in)? 
Any advice is welcome.

[Meg's Mom]

Maggiesmommy - I hope you got the reply to my email but i'll post it here for you also.

It is awful to doubt yourself, especially when you have a newborn who is totally dependent on you.  I have been there and understand!  My LO took all her naps in the swing until she was almost 4mos old, so I know a lot about accidental parenting.  Then I found Tracy's book - do you have the new book?  It is an excellent resource for learning how to put your LO on a flexible routine, how to teach sleep and also techniques on how to un-do the accidental parenting you have been doing.
 
So that I know where you are starting from, can you tell me if you have read the book? 
 
If you are really ready to make some changes then stopping the nurse to sleep and feed on demand is a great place to start.
 
Second step would be to put your LO on a flexible 3hr EASY routine - which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time.  No nursing to sleep.
 
Regarding the 45min naps -
point 1 - this is very  normal at this age and when my LO started them also.  The reason is from 0-3 months babies work on organizing their night sleep. From 3-6 they work on organizing their day sleep.  When she wakes at the first 45min mark she has completed 1 sleep cycle.  Also there are specific partial awakenings in an infants sleep cycle-- 10 min., 20 min and 40 min. mark.  So it sounds like she is having trouble getting past the first cycle and transitioning from the partial awakening after that. 
 
point 2 - Keep doing shh/pat to get her back to sleep and keep trying until is it time for her next feed (approx 40min).  Then get her up, feed and put her back down for a sleep right away - see if this helps.  It maybe that she is overtired and over-stimulated which can make it difficult for a newborn/young infant to fall asleep/stay asleep. That's why an infant will sleep for only 10 min, 20 min at a time.
 
You said you were on a 3hr schedule, how long is she wake before starting her next nap?
 
Third step is to start teaching her to fall asleep independently and in her crib.
 
Hang in there - we can support  you if you are really ready to make changes.