Please help me-4 month old won't sleep unless in swing!

[swb_78]

I have a 4 month old son who has a whole host of sleep problems.  I just don't know where to begin in order to fix it.  By our own fault  :oops: , he will only fall asleep if he is in his swing.  I have tried so many things before this--pat/shh, Pu/Pd, 'cry it out', you name it!  and all I end up doing is having an overtired baby who won't go to sleep.  Last week, I tried to get him to go to sleep and 3 hours later, he was still crying.  My baby cries the minute I put him in the crib, so I find myself immediately having to pick him up to console him.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  He refused to nap during the day as well, so I began putting him in his swing because I knew it would make him drowsy.  He does fall asleep, but he has never had a nap that lasts longer than 45 minutes!
These problems began about 1 month ago, around the same time that we moved him out of our room and out of his bassinet.  We even tried to put the bassinet into the crib, but unfortunately, he is too long to sleep in it comfortably anymore.  We also began giving him rice cereal about 3 weeks ago (doctor approved), but I try to make sure it is not given past dinner time (giving it before bed did not make him sleep better!)

I do have him on a 'modified' 3.5 hr EASY (EASAY) schedule (all are approximates):

E between 4-5 am
E 7:30 am
A 8-9:30 am
S 9:30 -10 am
A 10-11 am
E 11:00 am
A 11:30 - 1:00 pm
S 1:00-1:45 pm
A 1:45 - 2:30 pm
E 2:30 pm
A 3-4 pm
S 4-4:30 pm
A 4:30-5:30 pm
E 5:30 pm
A 6-8:30 pm
E 8:30 pm
S 9 pm

Please help--I just don't know where to begin to fix this.  He sleeps so well in the swing--it's hard to want to go and mess it all up again!
Thanks,
Shelley

[mthyne]

Shelley,
I so understand the sleep problems!  My DD (who is now 4 1/2) was a sleeping nightmare.  She too only slept in her swing, or sometimes her carseat.  I remember when we transitioned her to her crib, my DH and I would have to stand over her for sometimes hours before she would sleep.  We would hold on to her, sing, pat/shh.  When we finally got her quiet, we'd leave, and it would start all over again! 
I sometimes wonder if her problem was linked to not enough daytime naps.  They say sleep begets sleep.  That said, do you think maybe your DS is not getting enough napping and too much activity?  Would he sleep more if you put him in the swing more often?  I know you're not "supposed to" let babies nap in swings, but he needs his sleep!  Plus, you need to tackle one problem at a time.  I would definitely work on night-time sleep.  Is he scared of his crib?  I used to let our DD play in it during the day so she knew it was o.k.  Then, could you put him in his swing to calm down and get drowsy at night, then move him to his crib?  I'm no expert, but I remember those days with her!  As far as the napping in the swing, I wouldn't worry about that yet.  Start with the crib at night, and realize that he will, eventually, sleep in there!
Hang in there!  Let me know your progress!
Melissa
mother to Penelope 12/09/00
and Alex 8/02/05

[swb_78]

Hi Melissa
Thanks for the advice.  I totally agree that DS is not getting enough daytime sleep.  I might try to increase the amount of time I put him in the swing during the day, but as I write this, it seems he has decided that now he does not like the swing as much as before either!!!!  :? He now cries when I put him in it as well--arrgghhh.  I have been able to get him to take a couple of naps in his crib (for 40 min. max), but never at night.   He just cries the minute I lay him down.
I am willing to try the pu/pd thing again, but the mere sight of me in his room once he's laid down puts him into hysterics.
I feel totally lost and confused.  If anyone else has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!
Thanks,
Shelley

[Hunter & Sithia's mom]

Hi Shelley:

I know how you feel. DS was like that for a while, and with luck we changed him around.  This was before I found Traci's book.

You had mentioned that he liked the bassinet and the swing (until recently  :roll: they change so quickly), and I was thinking that perhaps he's not happy in the crib due to all the space he has??  Are you swaddling him?  If not, try to swaddle him to help him feel "closed in" and perhaps try a sleep positioner.

I made one of 3 receiving blankets.  2 are rolled up, the 3rd is looped around the other 2 so that there is a space between them but cannot roll away if baby moves.  Let me know if you'd like a pic, I can take one with the digital camera and post it.

JMO, and HTH  :wink:  Good luck

[mthyne]

Shelley,
One quick thought: if Hunter's mom is right about too much space, maybe you could swaddle and then try laying him sideways in the crib and blocking the rest of it so he feels more secure.  I had a friend who did this with her babies and it worked well.
Sorry he isn't always liking the swing.  I know it's frustrating when they change their minds about things!  Have you tried a bouncy seat or the car seat?  There are days I can only get my DS to sleep by strapping him in the car seat, putting the visor down (so he can't see me) and swinging it back and forth.  I try to stay positive and look at it as an arm workout!
I really wish I had more suggestions for you.  Could someone else do pu/pd with him at night?  Maybe he sees you as the rescuer and he might respond better to someone else.  My DH can get my DS to sleep at any time, whereas I fight with him to sleep on some days.  I think he knows Mommy can be a real sucker! 
Take care!
Melissa

[mthyne]

Shelley,
I mentioned your sleep issues to my DH last night.  He's pretty intuitive about kids, so I thought he may have an idea or two.  He suggested that you could try to prop your DS up in his crib and feed him a bottle (with you there, of course) in bed as part of the nighttime ritual.  That way he may associate the feeding (something pleasant) with his crib and nighttime.  Just a thought!
Speaking of, do you have a nighttime routine with him?  Maybe you could cut out some evening activity time for a longer nighttime routine.  He may be too wound up to sleep after 2 1/2 hours of activity (depending on what you do with him in the evening).  Could you bump his bedtime earlier?  If you don't have multiple kids, that may work.  If you have more than 1, I totally understand needing to keep things on a certain timeline. 
I hope you don't think I'm rambling, but I'm just trying to give you a host of ideas.  I just remember the long nights with my daughter and feel for you!
Melissa

[swb_78]

Hi again.
Thanks for the advice--but so far, no luck.    As for swaddling...we used to swaddle him all of the time, but once he discovered his fingers, he hated being swaddled (as well, it's hard to swaddle when he sleeps in a swing  :wink: ).  Melissa--thank you for the tips.  Last night I rocked him for over an hour (while he screamed the entire time).  I tried to lay him down in the crib, but the crying just intensified.  I finally gave in and put him in the swing again.  Yesterday, he napped a total of 55 minutes! (2 naps: 1- 30 minute, 1-25 minute) After he had cried for about an hour last night in the swing, I thought I would try to give him a bottle in the swing (to see if that would calm him).  He took about 1.5 oz and sobbed the entire time.  Finally, I gave up and left the room.  He cried himself to sleep about a half hour later.
This is so frustrating.  I just don't even know where to begin.  We are hoping to start a routine tonight.  We already bath him, feed him, rock him and read him a story (or sing songs) before bed every night--not sure what else we can do. 
DH is off from working nights tonight (shift worker), so whatever we do has to start tonight if I expect any assistance from him.
Any other suggestions?
TIA, Shelley

[swb_78]

PS  I tried to make bedtime earlier last night (7:30 vs. 9:00), but by the time he finished crying, it made no difference!!!! Also, I've tried to 'close in' the crib to make him feel more contained, but it does not appear to change things too much.....arrgggghhh.....
Shelley

[mthyne]

Shelley--
I am so sorry this isn't working!  You sound just like me 4 years ago.  My DH was a shift worker too.  It's so frustrating doing this by yourself!  Will your DS sleep on you?  I hate to start another bad habit, but it sounds like both of you could use a reprieve!  I am wondering if he's getting sleepy earlier than you think.  When my DS gets tired and I miss it, it takes forever to get back on track.  Of course, he is younger, and I certainly don't think you're doing anything wrong!  Parenthood, the best and worst job there is, huh?  Do you have family that could give you a little break?  Kids are so sensitive, and if you get stressed, he could sense it.  I know you're doing your best, though!  I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mommy--otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned! 
If you want to try something different, there is a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  I know this is the BW website, but that book gave me some good ideas.  I'm not promising anything of course, but it may help.  I've had a lot of friends that have used it with success. 
Keep me updated, ok?  If nothing else, you can write to me and vent.
And keep this motto in mind (it's my favorite!):  This too shall pass.
Melissa

[Jaime]

hi there,

just wanted to make a couple comments....

your baby has been used to this old routine for 4 months, so anything new is not going to happen overnight.  he's bound to be confused as to why things are happening differently, and he lets you know that by crying.  your job is then to go to him & reassure himi that everything is okay.  you can't expect a baby to automatically understand that these new things mean going to sleep.

consistency is key.  if you want to break the old habit, you need to make a plan, and then stick to it.  you've been given some great suggestions so far - swaddle from the waist down, enclose his sleeping space, move bedtime earlier, have a set wind-down routine and use pat/shh or pu/pd to reassure and comfort him.  now you have to stick to it.

on top of everything else, 4 months is a big develpmental time.  they're learning new skills, and they want to practice at night.  that was my first thought when you said he won't sleep in the swing anymore either. 

if you do stick with it, i promise you that he will eventually get it.

HTH 

[mthyne]

PS--
Shelley,
if you ever want to PM or email me, feel free!
Melissa

[swb_78]

Hi again!
Well, these last 2 days have been interesting....DH, DS and I spent the last 2 days outside the whole day, wandering around a provincial park and at the zoo.  Although DS did not have structured naps (all were just when he chose to fall asleep in the stroller), he stuck to his usual 3- half hour naps throughout the day.  The interesting part is....DH and I decided that we were committed to changing DS's sleep habits.  If it took picking him up 150 times, we were going to do it.  Can you believe it, the first night we began a routine (eat-b'feed, bath, cereal, stories, bed) and we only had to go in and shh shh him 5 times.  Tonight, we have only gone back in once.  I am floored!  We were so prepared for a struggle, and it appears to be going pretty smoothly.  The only thing I did differently was to give him a little stuffed animal to cuddle--and sped all the time outdoors.  I think it may have exhausted him enough to just give up the fight.  We also removed the swing from his room, so there is no temptation to put him back in it - not for a while at least.

He still cries at the top of his lungs when it is time for bed--he can't even hear me read him a story.  But I have resorted to earplugs for my own sanity. 

Melissa-thank you so much for the encouragement!   BTW, I have already read (and own) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child--I wasn't able to get that to work either! 

So, in summary, he slept in his crib last night, and is in it again tonight--so far so good.  Maybe next week I will work on lengthening his naps-so he won't be so grumpy...but for now I am pretty excited about how things are going!

I'll keep you posted!

A couple of questions if anyone can answer them (about pat/shh):

1.  I think I remember the sleep interview saying to continue to pat/shh for 7-10 minutes after they are calm.  If he never really calms down (only mildly, until he goes right to sleep) do I continue until he is asleep?  Will he thne depend on the pat/shh to fall asleep?
2.  Is it ok to use pat/shh on a 4 month old?  It appears to be working, and picking him up usually means he cries even more when we lay him back down.
3.  After they fall asleep, do you continue to pat/shh for any period of time?

Thanks,
Shelley

[Hunter & Sithia's mom]

Shelley:

Let me be the first (I hope) to say ...




YAY !!!           




Now, on to your questions.

Continue the pat shush until he is a normal calm for your baby.  If you can stop and he doesn't scream, then wait in the room until he is.  If he needs you, he will let you know.

YES it is okay to pat shush a 4 month old baby.  There is time enough to pu pd.  Some moms never get to that point, so don't worry about being perfect according to someone else.  Above all else, do what you can to help your DS become an independant sleeper.  If you never have to do PU PD, that's okay.

It is entirely up to you whether or not you continue pat shush after they fall asleep.  I never did.  maybe do that at first, then slowly shorten the time that you do it.

HTH, and congratualations!!!

[mthyne]

Congratulations to you and your little one Shelley (and your DH of course)! 
I know how happy you must be--keep it up!
Melissa