Author Topic: HELP, HELP, HELP!  (Read 1903 times)

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Offline GraysonsMommy

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« on: October 04, 2005, 18:08:07 pm »
I recently read that from 3-6 months, our LOs are working on their daytime sleep, so I can understand the nap issues with our 4 month old.  However, I also read that they work on their night sleep from 0-3 months of age.  Somehow, my son didn't get that memo, it slipped right past him!

Where to begin....oh am I desperate.  I have even posted a success story here, if you can believe that.  Anyway, I have been working on the BW techniques to get rid of a pacifier, introduce a DF, get rid of all night feedings, and extend the wake-up time for over three weeks now....three LONG weeks.  After the first week and a half, with one set back in between, we had him settling himself to sleep and staying asleep through transitions.  He wasn't sleeping through the night yet, and he wasn't sleeping past 5:30-6am but he was doing much better with maybe two wakings at night.  This lasted about three days, then he got hit with an ear infection!!  Poor thing.  He's been on his antibiotics for 7 days now and his sleep has just slowly been getting worse and worse.  He is still grabbing at his ears, so I don't know if the meds aren't working or if it's teething now.  The Dr said if there is no fever, we shouldn't be worried about the meds not working.  We have a f/u appointment on the 10th to see how the ears are doing.

Anyway, all kinds of things are going on with him now.  His 4 hour EASY is out the window, he's eating less than he used to and he is waking every 30 minutes to an hour at night and then waking up in the morning at 4 and 5am to get up!!!  DH and I are at the point where sheer exhaustion is going to drive us to the CIO method, but we don't want to lose our DS's trust in the process.  We need help, desperately!!

To give you an example, last night, we put him to sleep after our soothing bedtime routine, at 7:45pm, he woke at 9, we woke him for his DF at 10:45, then he woke again at 1:15, 2:30, 3, 3:30 and 4am.  We left him in his crib fussing a little at 4am, then he started to play and mantra cry, so we didn't go in.  He eventually put himself to sleep at 5:30 (an hour and a half later), just to wake up for the day at 6:30.  Although lately, he's been waking at 5:30 for the day, I let him play in his crib until we get up at 6:00 or 6:15, but by then, he is already getting sleepy for a nap!  He needs his first nap at 7:30 which really confuses the schedule.  Especially because I always feed him at 7am.  I don't want to get him used to eating any earlier, even if he is waking earlier.  He's definately not hungry at night, he's not even finishing his morning bottle, only taking 4 of the usual 7 ounces.  Every day and night have been different and I don't feel like I am able to control anything, except his naps and awake time.  It doesn't seem to help though.  Oh and the other concerning thing is how anxious he is when he wakes.  He kicks, breathes heavy, and jolts and is so restless.  He has always been very high energy with a lot of anxiety.  Here is an example of his typical day, give or take a half an hour here or there:

Wake at 6am
E - 7am
A - Low key in his room, read or play on the floor
S - 8:15-10 or 10:15

E - 11am (recently he has started pushing this to 12 now too)
A - run errands some days, in jumperoo, and on the floor playing with mommy
S - 12:15-1:45

E - 3-3:30pm
A - Run errands if not earlier, take a walk, in exersaucer, on floor
S - 3 or 3:30-3:45 or 4:15 (sometimes the catnap is more like an hour)

E - 7pm
A - Bath and/or quiet time with mom and dad
S - 7:15

DF - 10:45

He is often waking before his DF, around 10:15 and he is now waking so early that his naps and feedings are way off.  Not to mention ALL of the other night wakings.  I have tried putting him down sooner for naps and bedtime, I've tried extending his time more between naps and bedtime, I have tried an earlier and a later bedtime.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  Can this be fixed??  As it is, I have to extend his naps by standing next to his crib at the 35-45 minute mark and again usually at an hour or until the hour is up.  He cries with his eyes closed and I have to reposition him onto his side, sometimes do one or two p/u-p/d's and he will calm enough to do the rest himself.  The good news is that the pacifier is a thing of the past, he no longer needs soothing to get to sleep, but he just can't STAY asleep on his own!!

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline Isom'smom

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« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2005, 19:55:16 pm »
Walk your tail into the doc's office.  Occassionally, there is no fever with an ear infection.  Happened to us last week.  Be a bossy paranoid mother.  The doctor should look at his ears again. grrrrrr.

Offline GraysonsMommy

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« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2005, 20:29:50 pm »
I actually went out and bought OTC ear drops that are safe for infants.  If this doesn't help, then I can assume it's his teeth bothering him.  If it helps, it will get us through the days before his follow-up appt.

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline chell

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« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2005, 21:13:23 pm »
Just wondering, I guess you are giving him pain relief?
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Offline GraysonsMommy

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« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2005, 23:31:26 pm »
Yes, I have tried teething tablets, in case it's his teeth as well as tylenol.  Neither are helping him sleep.  I still use the tylenol and tonight I am trying the over the counter ear drops.  The dr. actually prescribed us numbing ear drops, but we haven't gotten them from the pharmacy yet, because she just prescribed them tonight, while I was working on Grayson's bedtime routine.  Normally DH would be here to go get them, but he had a dinner meeting.  He's getting them tonight or tomorrow morning. 

Well, wish me luck, we could sure use some sleep in this house!

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline GraysonsMommy

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« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2005, 11:33:48 am »
This is pretty amazing, but I don't know whether to trust that it will stick for us....anyway, here is what happened last night.

I used the otc ear drops twice, once during his last nap, in which case he put himself to sleep completely, but woke only 40 minutes later.  And then I used them again at bedtime, because we didn't have the prescription drops picked up from the pharmacy yet.  DH went after his dinner meeting to get the prescription, so we would have them after the DF.  Grayson was slightly restless going to bed and I decided to swaddle him with one arm out (we haven't done this in a really long time).  He fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke twice before his DF which we normally do at 10:45.  Instead, we did the DF at 10:30 since he was already awake and crying.  This is when we tried the prescription ear drops for the first time.  And let me tell you, it's not easy to put ear drops into a wriggling baby.  I couldn't tell if anything actually got into the ear.  Well, I must have gotten something into the ear, because he put himself back to sleep through two transitions (around 1:30 and 3:00), I heard him stirring and his breathing changed like it does when I am helping him through his transitions at nap time.  Then he woke up at 4am and just needed to be repositioned in his crib.  He fell right back asleep and went through another transition on his own at 5:00 and then woke at 5:45 for the day.  He played happily in his crib until I went to get him at 6:30!!  WONDERFUL!!  He has done this randomly before, but not ever, ever as good as this.  So is there a chance this is here to stay and that it was his ears bothering him all along?  If the antibiotics aren't working for him, could it be something else, other than an ear infection?  I wonder if fluids can stay trapped in there, causing pressure and pain for a long period of time, even without an infection.  I did read something that said infants can have fluids trapped in their middle ears, because their estachea (spelling) tubes are short and narrow.  When they grow, the fluid slowly decreases, usually in a couple of months.  I wonder if this could have been his problem all along, because he has never been able to sleep well laying down.  He falls alseep on our shoulders easily though, upright.  And I was thinking reflux, but the dr. wasn't concerned because he's been gaining weight so well.  He's 16.11 pounds at 4 months!  I am going to pray that this repeats itself tonight!!

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline ~Jency's*Momma~

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« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2005, 21:50:35 pm »
is there anything to do about the ear fluids other then RX.
Just wondering.
My DS is 13 weeks and has started sleeping badly.  Some nights are better then others.

How did you get rid ofthe pacifier?  I need to do this.
It's the only way I can get him to resettle himself.
Also how long did it take him to start going through the transition at nap time?  We are struggling with that.

Thanks!
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Offline GraysonsMommy

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« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2005, 01:15:06 am »
Hi Adria,
I think the pacifier is probably what is causing your son's poor night sleep.  It's the same thing that happened to us, around the same time.  I've also read others' posts regarding this same problem.  When the pacifier becomes a sleep crutch, it's time to get rid of it.  We went cold turkey, I tried to wean him and it was just too drawn out and stressful for us all.  I am going to warn you, it is not easy and takes perseverance.  You just have to know that it is going to work and the more you work at it, the sooner it will be accomplished.  About three weeks ago, we just took it away and never went back.  At the same time, we started using the BW techniques for soothing.  The first night actually went well and we thought, "wow, that was easy", then the second night hit us like a ton of bricks.  I had to actually climb into his crib with him and that didn't even stop his one and a half hours of severe crying, clawing, kicking and arching.  He exhausted himself and me, then fell asleep.  I slowly worked my way out of his crib and prayed I wouldn't have to endure another night like that.  And I didn't, thank goodness, although it's not like it was smooth sailing from there, it was still hard, just not as hard as that awful night.  The full side of the half empty glass is that this awful night made all the others seem like a piece of cake.  He cried here and there and he had a hard time with naps without it, but with persistance and NEVER giving in, and I mean NEVER, it works.  You really have to be ready, because if he cries and cries and you eventually give in, all you are teaching him is to cry harder and longer to get his way.  Then it will be harder the next time you try.  Taking the pacifier away was way easier than teaching my son to sleep through the night, which we are still working on.  He had his first all night sleep last night and I am crossing my fingers and toes that it happens again tonight.  This was his first night, EVER!

The short naps appearantly are normal going into the fourth month.  I read that babies work on their night sleep from 0-3 months (although I don't know where our son was during this lesson) and their daytime sleep from 3-6 months.  To extend Grayson's naps, I go in and do wake to sleep, by waiting by his cribside at each transition.  For him, in the beginning it was at 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 1 hour and an hour and a half.  It slowly lengthened and before long, I was only going in at the 45-50 minute mark which is when they usually reach their transition.  When he would stir, I would sh-pat and before long, I was able to just sh or just pat and now, if I need to wake to sleep, I just put pressure on his thigh or chest with my hand.  It calms him enough to go through the transition.  You have to dedicate a lot of time to this, it's very time consuming.  So plan to start doing this when you can stay in your jammies, not go too many places and be by that cribside for every nap, until he gets past it.  You will probably be in his room a good 15-25 minutes each time. Again, this will shorten as he progresses.  We have a very poor sleeper for a son and this actually worked pretty fast.  Then he got an ear infection and we were put back to square one.  Although, he made it through all his naps on his own today, for the first time since he's been sick!  So it's true that once you get this worked out, it's easier to get back on track after ilnesses, milestones, traveling, etc.

I wish there was any other option for his ear fluids other then medication, but unfortunately, it's a very painful long healing process.  I just can't let him suffer through it when there are things available to help with the pain and healing.  I have always had horrible problems with my ears too.  It's hereditary.  I can remember, vividly, going to the emergency room with my mom as a young girl with excrutiating ear aches.  I had tubes put in which helped as a child, but now I still have problems.  So it will probably never go away entirely.   My DH had tubes put in also, so it looks like this child is destined, poor thing!  It's no fun. 

Anyway, I hope I answered all of your questions.  When you are ready to get going on these issues, please feel free to contact me for support.  Like I said, I have a very poor sleeper for a son, he's spirited AND slightly touchy so it's been a long road.  We are getting back on track and I am praying that tonight is half as good as last night!  The good news is that when they get their full naps in, they are WONDERFUL little people to be around.  I truly enjoy his awake time more than anything else in life.

Good luck to you, keep me posted!

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline mango_baby

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« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2005, 17:17:35 pm »
Hello Jessica,

I have been following your postings for some time now and I even think you have responded to one of mine as well. In terms of personality, our babies are the same and in terms of sleep it has been a rocky road for me as well (and still is). I know your baby is not well righy now, but despite illness, teething, etc, my baby has always had sleep difficulties and I find I sometimes use teething etc as a reason, when now I realize there is more to it. Of course these things affect sleep, but with me there is another story.
Our babies differ in age quite a bit, but I will tell you what I know and feel from my point of view. Ever since my baby was born sleep has been an issue. There was a point in time when it was amazing about 3-6 months, then it all went out the window. One thing I know now is that just when you thing things are figured out and are running smoothly, your baby takes you for a new ride. It is the same at 13 months.
I became so desperste at some point and I found a book which really spoke to me and I am sharing this with you because perhaps your baby's personality is the same. I don't believe in the authors solution to sleep issues, which is why Tracy's book is perfect for me, as I also don't believe in CIO. The book is titled parenting the high need and fussy baby by William Sears..Now my baby is not in any way fussy, but in terms of understanding my child it spoke volumes to me. His other book is the Attachment Parenting book which is the way I bring up my children for the most part. One crucial thing in both these books was the fact that Sears strongly holds on to the belief that this personality of baby is immune to and kind of "training" . I have been trying to prove him wrong for over 3 months with no avail. Don't get me wrong, my lo sleep is so much better, however, he just doesn't seem to stop his waking at certain times no matter what. I have done absoluteluy everything. Everything by the book, and then some. I have played around with times moving them forward and back etc..etc.....
I thought I might just share this with you and if you haven't read the Parenting the high need......... book just maybe grab it from the library. I thought the book was wriien specifically for me, maybe you will find the same.
hope that helps, let me know how your doing,

Melissa

Offline GraysonsMommy

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« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2005, 18:26:57 pm »
Melissa,
Thanks for the reply and the suggestion.  I do have one of Dr. Sear's books, I think it's the Fussy Baby, How to bring out the best in your high needs child.  I did think they were talking directly to me, as well.  And we used a lot of his techniques in the beginning, like wearing the baby in a sling, co-sleeping, etc.  Grayson is great during the day now, not fussy like he used to be, but his nights are just all over the place.  No one night is like the one before it or the next one.  It's crazy!  We are no longer co-sleeping and the sleep trainging will "appear" to work, then not, then it does, then it doesn't.  Of course, now that he is sick and STILL has an ear infection, I am trying not to judge anything and I am taking everything with a grain of salt.   There is also a possibility that Grayson has had fluid build up since he was born.  He has always been congested and never liked being laid down on his back.  The doctor is going to refer us to an ENT specialist, if this next dose of antibiotics doesn't work for him.  I find it odd that Amoxicillan wouldn't work for an infant who has never been on medication for anything before.  When we use his medicated ear drops, he sleeps through the night, it's amazing!  So if it is in fact pain that he has had all this time, he might not be high needs afterall.  So who knows at this point.  I'm just taking each day as it comes.  If I think too far ahead, I get myself all worked up, because things always seem to change on me.

Jessica
Grayson born 5/28/05
A Spirited and slightly Touchy little guy

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a214/luckylot1999/6f36d4a2.jpgimg07610qs.th.jpg[/img][/URL]

Offline mango_baby

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« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2005, 20:54:06 pm »
Jessica,

I hope the specialist can help you all out. It is so hard to know exactley what our lo's need or what is up with them. If only they could already talk. I wish you all the best . let me know how things turn out.

melissa

Offline ~Jency's*Momma~

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« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2005, 22:03:39 pm »
Jessica,
Thanks.  Jency is a touchy/textbook baby.  He has started sleeping better during the night again.  But mornings and naps are still rough.
I tried a nap session on Thrusday but I was in there for an hour.  The first 45 minutes he kept trying to put himself to sleep and kept going in and out of sleep but never fell into deep sleep then he started crying for 15 minutes and I finally him up.  I'm not sure what is going on.  I think he has a food allergy but I'm not sure.
~Adria, wife to Paul 9/7/02
Momma to Jency 6/30/05 & Tesher 12/31/08