Hi Adria,
I think the pacifier is probably what is causing your son's poor night sleep. It's the same thing that happened to us, around the same time. I've also read others' posts regarding this same problem. When the pacifier becomes a sleep crutch, it's time to get rid of it. We went cold turkey, I tried to wean him and it was just too drawn out and stressful for us all. I am going to warn you, it is not easy and takes perseverance. You just have to know that it is going to work and the more you work at it, the sooner it will be accomplished. About three weeks ago, we just took it away and never went back. At the same time, we started using the BW techniques for soothing. The first night actually went well and we thought, "wow, that was easy", then the second night hit us like a ton of bricks. I had to actually climb into his crib with him and that didn't even stop his one and a half hours of severe crying, clawing, kicking and arching. He exhausted himself and me, then fell asleep. I slowly worked my way out of his crib and prayed I wouldn't have to endure another night like that. And I didn't, thank goodness, although it's not like it was smooth sailing from there, it was still hard, just not as hard as that awful night. The full side of the half empty glass is that this awful night made all the others seem like a piece of cake. He cried here and there and he had a hard time with naps without it, but with persistance and NEVER giving in, and I mean NEVER, it works. You really have to be ready, because if he cries and cries and you eventually give in, all you are teaching him is to cry harder and longer to get his way. Then it will be harder the next time you try. Taking the pacifier away was way easier than teaching my son to sleep through the night, which we are still working on. He had his first all night sleep last night and I am crossing my fingers and toes that it happens again tonight. This was his first night, EVER!
The short naps appearantly are normal going into the fourth month. I read that babies work on their night sleep from 0-3 months (although I don't know where our son was during this lesson) and their daytime sleep from 3-6 months. To extend Grayson's naps, I go in and do wake to sleep, by waiting by his cribside at each transition. For him, in the beginning it was at 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 1 hour and an hour and a half. It slowly lengthened and before long, I was only going in at the 45-50 minute mark which is when they usually reach their transition. When he would stir, I would sh-pat and before long, I was able to just sh or just pat and now, if I need to wake to sleep, I just put pressure on his thigh or chest with my hand. It calms him enough to go through the transition. You have to dedicate a lot of time to this, it's very time consuming. So plan to start doing this when you can stay in your jammies, not go too many places and be by that cribside for every nap, until he gets past it. You will probably be in his room a good 15-25 minutes each time. Again, this will shorten as he progresses. We have a very poor sleeper for a son and this actually worked pretty fast. Then he got an ear infection and we were put back to square one. Although, he made it through all his naps on his own today, for the first time since he's been sick! So it's true that once you get this worked out, it's easier to get back on track after ilnesses, milestones, traveling, etc.
I wish there was any other option for his ear fluids other then medication, but unfortunately, it's a very painful long healing process. I just can't let him suffer through it when there are things available to help with the pain and healing. I have always had horrible problems with my ears too. It's hereditary. I can remember, vividly, going to the emergency room with my mom as a young girl with excrutiating ear aches. I had tubes put in which helped as a child, but now I still have problems. So it will probably never go away entirely. My DH had tubes put in also, so it looks like this child is destined, poor thing! It's no fun.
Anyway, I hope I answered all of your questions. When you are ready to get going on these issues, please feel free to contact me for support. Like I said, I have a very poor sleeper for a son, he's spirited AND slightly touchy so it's been a long road. We are getting back on track and I am praying that tonight is half as good as last night! The good news is that when they get their full naps in, they are WONDERFUL little people to be around. I truly enjoy his awake time more than anything else in life.
Good luck to you, keep me posted!
Jessica