2 1/2 year old is waking in the night for 1-2 hours! HELP!!!

[mbrace]

We have a 2 1/2 year old who is wonderful, wonderful child.  He has been waking up at night and can't seem to fall back asleep for 1-2 hours.  Here is a typical night:  Conar will wake up and come into my room asking for a drink.  He is only allowed water (because I felt that maybe his waking up and asking for milk was part of the problem so I just eliminated it in the past week).  I stay with him for about 10 minutes and let him know as 2 minutes approaches before I have to leave.  Other than that I don't talk or have any conversation.  If he tries to talk, I will just say, "It's time for night nights".  When I try to leave, that is when the crying begins!  I tell him that it is time for night nights and he is to stay in his room.  I go into my room (which is all of 3 feet away) and listen.  Inevitably he comes in the room crying for me or my husband.  Without saying a word, we guide him back to his room.   After he comes in 2 or 3 times, we tell him that if he is choosing to come out of this room then we will have to put the gate up.  He hates this and so do we but if he comes out again we put it up.  Of course he flips out.  I go back into bed and tell him that if he calms down we will take the gate down.  He usually does calm down enough and we take the gate down but then he starts crying again for a very long time.  He doesn't come out of his room  - but he is crying loudly.  We will say "It's night nights, we love you" from our bed but we only do that a couple of times because we dont want to engage in a whole conversation. :cry:

We are so frustrated!  I am expected a baby in 5 weeks and know that his insecurity could be coming from that, but how do I help him fall back asleep with  doing more "accidental parenting"?? HELP! HELP! HELP!

[Katet]

I find with my 26mo, if a habit has been in place for more than a day or so, it can take a few weeks to dissapear, so if he has been waking for milk for sometime, then it may take awhile for the fact he only gets water to settle in. Also try telling him his water is right by the bed & teach him to find it himself.
Also he will be well aware change is happening, Mummy is more tired, her tummy gets in the way of cuddles & you might be just that bit more cranky & some activities aren't happening as much. So it could be his way of getting a bit more time with you.
I think you are giving mixed messages by staying some time & then leaving (he has no concept of 10mins & 2 mins) & then taking him back. You either have to stay until he is asleep, which I did with my ds for a period & then things went back to how they were before. Or you have to take him back to his bed right from the start, then putting up the gate & taking it down is just confusing, I think you either leave it up all the time or it is never there.
I think you need to decide to do only one part of the 3 things & stick to it, so he knows exactly what is happening. With our 26mo we have a light that comes on when it is time to get up & he knows he can only come into our room when that comes on (took a week to train him) So if he needs me/dh he is either crying or calls out non stop & we go to him, settle him back & if he gets upset when we leave, we stay until he is asleep, most times a quick cuddle is fine (or finding the lost dummy) & I think he settles because he knows the times he really needs us (sick/nightmares) we stay & hop into bed with him or on the floor beside.
HTH

[mbrace]

Thanks for replying! When I was reading Tracy's most recent book, she had mentioned a timer.  I tried that last night as we were heading to bed and that worked.  I like the idea of having a light that comes on when it is time to get up - I am definitely going to try that.  My problem with staying with him until he goes to sleep is that sometimes it takes an hour for him to fall asleep and it seems that my presence is more disturbing rather than helping. 

I don't let him cry it out by "ignoring" him.  I am constantly reassuring him that he is safe and loved.  This has really been the toughest problem to conquor yet.  However, that being said, last night I applied the night time routine to last night's waking and he did stay in his bed and eventually fell asleep - without crying.  I am going to try that again and in the next couple of days i am going to add the light that comes on automatically.

This is just so frustrating because I want to make sure that he knows that we are always there for him no matter what but he needs to also be able to soothe himself.  I am still not sure what caused this change but I am hoping that people will continue to give me suggestions.  Thanks!