32 months: he eats nothing but milk. What can i do ?

[Silvia]

Hello everybody,

sorry for my english, but i'm italian and having discovered Tracy Hogg site, i decided to ask your help. My son is 32 months old, he's healthy and perfectly growing, but behind this normality appearance, he actually does not feed himself with nothing but milk. At the age of 5-6 months he started to eat a bit of fruit (puree) and a few weeks later meat puree, rice cereals, yogurt and pasta (of course). But this lasted just 2-3 weeks. Since then he completely stopped eating anything but milk bottle. We tried any kind of puree, finger food or solid, any recipes, any approach. JUST NO WAY: he refuses to open his mouth, cries, turns really mad and if we force the food in his mouth he doesn't gulp down and spit it out. We have tried to make him starve: hours without nothing but he seems to have no problem in starving... We gave up for a long period thinking "when he'll be ready, he'll ask for it". No way. During these several months he sometimes ate a little of bread and pizza (but with no cheese or tomato, which is bread actually...). He, of course, seems to apreciate any kind of dessert, but we try not to offer him. The only thing that makes us still hope for a change is that about once every 3-4 months, without any input, he sits at the table with us and wants to try our food: the rare times he did it, he clearly demonstrated his interest in very tasty food like fish, spicy chinese food (!!!) and minestrone (vegetables soup). This is the actual situation: my parents say that my elder sister did not eat until 6 years old. I don't know what to do or think: where did i go wrong !? And can i do something to make this change ?

[jubee]

This is a very worrisome issue for you I am sure.  Even when your chlid does eat you still worry about what they will eat and are the eating enough, too much, etc... Its great that he is growing well and healthy, at least it isn't affecting him in that way.  I would say limit milk intake and keep offering in a no pressure kind of way.  It seems that the more pressure a kid feels the less likely they are to try something new.  Is he around other young kids that eat?  I will keep you in our prayers because I know how hard eating issues can be for Moms especially, becuase we feel soooooo responsible for our lo's.  Hang in there, he won't be taking his bottle to college!

[jubee]

This is a very worrisome issue for you I am sure.  Even when your chlid does eat you still worry about what they will eat and are the eating enough, too much, etc... Its great that he is growing well and healthy, at least it isn't affecting him in that way.  I would say limit milk intake and keep offering in a no pressure kind of way.  It seems that the more pressure a kid feels the less likely they are to try something new.  Is he around other young kids that eat?  I will keep you in our prayers because I know how hard eating issues can be for Moms especially, becuase we feel soooooo responsible for our lo's.  Hang in there, he won't be taking his bottle to college!

[sandraorion]

Did you talk to a doctor about it?

Is the bottle the only thing he takes? Does he drink from a cup or a sippy cup? Maybe you can transition him to a cup? Then start giving him smoothes from a cup. Will he take juice or water?

What about cheese? Something mild like fresh mozarella or ricotta that has milk taste.

Sorry, too much questions, just trying to troubleshoot it and give you some ideas. Just curious, what does he say when you ask him why he won't eat?

[jubee]

Just another couple ideas/questions I was thinking about:

You said he likes desserts, does that mean that he will eat desserts?  If he will eat desserts I would start there.  I know its not the ideal place to start, but if you can get him to eat more often it will probably lead to him trying things that are not desserts.  At this point he just needs to eat right   :?:  You could try "healthy" desserts such as carrot or bananna bread. Cobblers made with fresh fruit.  Maybe custards made with egg yolks or some yogurt, less work involved for him?  Sandra's smoothie idea is a good one if you can get him to drink from any kind of sippy cup or regular cup. 
On another note, there are infant/toddler feeding specialists that you could ask your doctor about.  I have seen posts on this site from Mom's who have been helped by their expertise.  They actually take their child to the doctors office and they work on eating there once a week or so.  I would think its worth looking into.  Our son didn't touch table food until he was 12 months old, he would only eat pureed food.  So I can identify somewhat with your challenge.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[Silvia]

Thank you both for your kind interest in my trouble: i really appreciate that. Coming to your questions and ideas, i can tell u that:
1) No, he usually doesn't have other kids eating around him because he's our first born son and as we live in a town far away from our families, he doesn't have cousins growing up with him. (Anyway i'm waiting for the second one who will born at the end of april: hope she's a girl !). Sometimes, during vacation, he happened to sit at the table with some other kids who ate almost everything, but it made no difference for him...

2) We exposed our problem to the doctor: she gave us no new advice. Everything she told us to do, we already did with no solution. We didn't actually contact a nutrition expert because anyhow, according to the doctor, the child is growing perfectly: we would have done it if he didn't, of course. But maybe it's time to reconsider this option.

3) He doesn't take only the bottle. He actually use a normal cup to drink, if we ask him to. The problem is that he only drink if there's milk with his cookies melt in it: if we just change the cookies he notice it and doesn't drink. Anyway, once in a week i put an egg yolk in his milk-bottle and he drinks it up normally: it's not much, i know, but it's something...

4) He drinks water (in a normal glass) and sometimes, but rarely, a little bit of fruit juices: no more than 50 ml per time.

5) About the desserts, he likes everything that is sweet. He likes custard, ice-cream, milk-chocolate and goes really mad about mascarpone and ricotta (i don't know how you call them in english !) which are two kind of smooth cheese used especially to make desserts. But we don't want him to become a sugar-addict !

These are the answers to your questions. We think that the real problem is his character: he's really stubborn ! He has his strict habits and doesn't want to change them. Not-eating is just one of these because we are sure that he would like any kind of food if he only tried it. I mean: he once ate chinese spicy food, fish, minestrone without we even asked him to taste it !! We believe that he doesn't eat just because he knows that we want him to. Maybe he'll eat when he'll be old enough to face a discussion with us and to understand that WE don't need him to eat: HE needs it.

Anyway, i really thank you for your help and attention: if there'll be news, i'll post them. Thank you again. Bye

Silvia

[Sharondp]

Hi Silvia
Here in England we have a wonderful lady on the TV (also writes books) who deals with fussy eaters. Her name is Annabel karmel. She has a website http://www.annabelkarmel.com
She suggests making food into fun shapes and getting children involved in making it.
Have a look at her website - it might help!
Kind regards
Sharon
Mum to Toby (16 months)

[Silvia]

Hi Sharon,

thank you so much for your kind advices even though i actually already tried to cook with him some funny shapes food. He enjoyed helping me very much, but at the end it was only me who had to eat everything...

Anyhow, i'll have a look at the site you wrote about hoping to find a working solution !

Thank you again very much !

P.S. I wonder why here in Italy we don't have these wonderful ladies involved in children problems...

[Lan]

For something like this I would get tough - I was a picky eater myself and so is my son!  I have to be really firm with him about meals (without getting angry) and he eats when he's hungry and when he doesn't want to eat, that's fine too. But I refuse to give him sugary snacks to make up for lost meals!

I would give him a cup of milk (200ml) at breakfast and 200ml milk at dinner and the rest of the day he gets water to drink and he has to eat FOOD. And no food or milk at night! Tell your son in the morning what's going to happen in a calm way and ignore it if he starts screaming. Just say, 'THis is how it's going to be from now on'.

It sounds like your son really likes dairy products.  My son does too, I use cheese sauce (besciamella) on everything to get him to eat it! Could you try something like bread and jam for breakfast, fruit for snacks, bread and ricotta for lunch, risoni with besciamella for dinner, mascarpone for dessert.
It sounds like your son knows you are worrying about what he eats and he's using it to control you. So don't show that you are worried! Just announce in a calm voice 'Here's your breakfast' and act like you don't care whether he eats it or not. He will probably scream and throw a tantrum. Get him down from the table straightaway and let him have his tantrum. When he finishes, say, that was your breakfast, now there's nothing to eat until morning tea. Just keep going like that for the rest of the day. Make sure you don't give him any extra milk to make up for it - just the 2 cups a day (served after the meal).

It's very probable that he will have tantrums all day and eat nothing, even throw his food. You have to try and keep calm! He will get so hungry he will eat eventually - it might take 2-3 days, maybe more though! As long as he is getting enough fluids it won't hurt him to go that long without food - he lives off milk anyway.

 Your son sounds like he also likes to eat the same food everyday. So once he starts eating you could serve up what he likes (as long as it's reasonably healthy) then gradually add new foods on the side of the food he likes. Also then you could start showing that food and cooking is fun!

Good luck with it, it sounds like you have been battling a long time!

[Silvia]

Dear Ian,
i read your post with great optimism and you have convinced me: from monday i'll start with "operation starvation". I already tried, in the past, to make him hungry but i never took it for more than one day. My husband, actually, wanted to try the hard-line you suggested since last year, but when i know he's hungry i can't resist: i have to feed him ! This time i'm determined to bring it to a conclusion: hope it's a positive one !

Thank you for your help: if it works we'll let the world know !

[stressybessy]

Its such a relief to see someone else with the same problem.. My daughter is 2yrs 4mnths and runs screaming from the table should we dare to offer her anything but milk and/or desserts.. she is slowly coming around since I invested in some crockery with her favurite character on the bottom and tell her she can see Dora and boots at the bottom of the plate when she eats her tea!! Sounds silly, I know but it worked for me!!!

[Silvia]

There's nothing silly in trying to make our children eat ! We tried something like that, too: Niccolò is fond of Winnie the Pooh and we bought him plates e glasses with his pictures. We even found some pasta made with the characters shapes: he plays with it, but does not eat it. Anyway, today he had his milk in the morning and won't have more until the evening: he will eat his pasta, meat, bread and fruit or will starve until then. God give me the strength !

[Lan]

Hi Sylvia
Good luck with your strategies! It is really hard for mothers to see their children not eating - it goes against our natural instincts. My son is also very strong willed and I found the trick with him is to give him a face saving way out of the situation so that he does what we want but without shaming him.  So we don't get too upset or angry, just remain calm, and if he does what we want then we show we're pleased but don't go too overboard with praise. Sometimes I say to Toby things like 'I know this is hard for you but this is how it is going to be from now on'. It might help with your son for you not to watch him with his food and just show him how the rest of the family is enjoying their food. Who knows, if he's really hungry he might sneak some in his mouth while you're not watching!

I also assume that the doctor has checked to make sure that nothing is wrong with him medically?

If after 5 days he is still is not eating you might need to offer another drink at lunchtime - a smoothie (fruit, yoghurt and milk) or something that he might drink but is not milk?

I hope everything works out for you,
Lan

[Silvia]

Dear Lan,

yesterday, unfortunately, coming home from the nursery school we found him ill: he caught the flu. I'll start the "operation" when he'll feel better.
But thanks again for your advices.

Silvia

[joslil]

Just curious - we were having this problem several months ago with my now 2 year old - not quite as bad though.  My pediatrician told me kids can actually bleed internally slightly if they drink too much milk?!? Have you been told this?  This really scared me.

We went to giving her milk in a regular cup for several days and then introduced a sippy cup again, but on a limited basis.  She threw many fits initially, but soon accepted it.  Now she asks for milk, then juice, then water in that order and we rarely have a fit.  Her food intake has increased tremendously.  She actually eats all her dinner and asks for more. 

Another thought...I think she likes the "full" feeling milk gives.  Maybe use a lot of carbohydrates as well to make up for that initially - my dd loves rice for example.  Funny - she loves spicy foods too?!?!  Wonder if there is a connection.