Really Struggling Now - What would you do?

[J&E Mummy]

Wasnt sure where to post this - hope this is the right place?

I think I am turning textbook/angel (Ewan) 16 week old into a bit of a grump. I have a v v spirited but v v lovable 2 year old toddler (James) and am finding it virtually impossible to establish any sort of routine. I have become The Accidental Parent – rocking and b/f to sleep 80% of the time for a quiet life – the crying is really getting to me. James is not very good at amusing himself so getting Ewan to sleep is v difficult using the S’s ritual and James is a noisy toddler he often wakes him up too early from naps. I am trying to be firm and disciplined with James but it is unfair making him be quiet all the time - he is only 2 and doesnt know any better - am I too soft?

Up to about 10 weeks was doing ok on 3 hr easy (with lots of help) Ewan sleeping well and relatively good routine but started with feeding problems at about 10 weeks with Ewan refusing breast and wanting to snack. Took him to GP no health probs but has a bit of reflux. Feeding getting a little better by moving to a 3 1/2-4 hour feeding pattern but now not sleeping as well during the night.

I need to take James to playschool three mornings at 9.00 am and collect him between 1-1.30 pm which are really times when Ewan should be napping so I have been keeping diaries of sleep and feeding patterns for about 4 weeks now trying to work out some sort of routine. Ewan is a v pleasant baby but struggles when awake for more than 2 hours.

Dh is supportive but a just go with the flow Daddy who thinks I am too obsessed with routine but he’s not the one who has to get up to feed during the night (Ewan will not take a bottle – but I am persevering with trying) Ewan was sleeping through most nights until we hit the problems at 10 weeks.

Feel reluctant to keep asking for help from grandparents as I feel guilty that I am spending more time with Ewan than James and don’t want to make the sibling rivalry worse by James thinking he has to be taken out by other people all the time. I also don’t want people thinking I can’t cope (which I suppose I cant really!). I know I should be enjoying each moment as I am so lucky I have two wonderful beautiful healthy boys but I just can't seem to do the best for either of them at the moment and I feel really bad that it is getting me down as I know people have a lot worse problems than I have.

Anyway I am rambling now - Just wondered whether anyone else is/has going/gone through this. How do you keep your life in order and not feel guilty, tired and confused all the time? :?  Should I just carry on accidental parenting in the hope things will get better/easier or am I just making things harder for myself in the future? What would you do? :?:  Any suggestions welcome.

Thank you

[Noelle]

Hello. 
From your post, I think you would benefit from sleep training your LO so that you don't have to do the accidental parenting.  In the long run, the accidental parenting will probably take up more of your time.  Take a look at the sleep boards for nap, etc. there is loads of GREAT advice there     You seem to have a good handle so far on EASY.

As far as the 2yr old goes, try to incorporate him in with the training, that way your ds will be used to him being there 

It can be quite overwhelming at times, I know.  Just keep EASY in mind, try to relax and go with the flow.  If your ds naps in the car every afternoon when you pick your toddler up from school, then that's OK. - it becomes part of his routine 

HTH  {{HUGS}}

...wanted to add too, if you don't have Tracy's 3rd book, I highly recommend it.  It answers a lot of why/what/how... 

[J&E Mummy]

Thanks John and Zoes Mum
I have got the third book!-you mean solves all your problems by asking the right questions?
When you say sleep training I assume you mean pupd? Is it possible with having James around??
Thanks for taking the time to reply
Lisa
x

[Noelle]

Hi Lisa!
Yep, that's the book I'm talking about 

PU/PD is what I would try...with James around :wink:

I would tell James that Ewan is really tired and needs a nap and that "we" have to help him because since he's so little he doesn't know how yet.  Different things you could try is have a doll with his own crib that James could do it too.  Or use TV/video for this time for James.  Or have him with you just hanging out in the room.  He may be distracting at first but Ewan would/should probably get used to him being there. 

[J&E Mummy]

Thanks for your encouragement Noelle
Will try with James tomorrow. He would probably like the doll and crib idea, he loves prams when we go to any playgroups - especially pink ones! :roll:  :!:
Off to do the dreamfeed now - attempting to get him to have it from a bottle again!! Fingers crossed.