shh/pat frustration!

[RachelC]

Ok, frustration is settling in.  We have been working on pat/shh for a couple days now.  Some times dd is out quite quickly, but today I had to let her cry it out, twice.  I had been working with her for an hour each time, still an hour more before her next feed.
We pat/shh and dd is completly calm, but doesn't close her eyes and if we stop, she tries to stretch (she's tightly swaddled) and wrench her neck and starts crying.  She settles again (w/o PU) very quickly, but still does not close eyes.
dd is almost 4 weeks old, but was born 2 weeks early.  I feel like a completly horrible mother for allowing her to cry it out.  I know I am supposed to be helping her, since she doesn't know how to fall asleep yet.  Any reassuring words out there?

[Aarismom]

How long is she awake for before you put her down? At 4 weeks (2 adjusted) she's probably ready for bed almost as soon as she's done feeding (about 30 mins or so). If you're keeping her up longer this may be part of the problem.

Pat/shh is really difficult at first...it definately takes time to sink in. Mixing CIO and pat/shh may also be part of the problem. CIO has a tendency to make things worse. It basically has a tendency to throw whatever work you've done with consistant pat/shh out the window, because letting them cry has a tendency to make them forget about any other training you've been using (something I read in another book).

You're doing the best you can, don't feel like a horrible mother! You're not! Sleep training is really frustrating, I know, and it's really really tempting to just let them cry. The most you can do is get them as rested as you can until around 6-8 weeks, when you can really focus on sleep training. Don't be afraid of using the pacifire. It's really a lifesaver especially in the first weeks. She will learn independent sleep, I promise, it just takes some time. Just remember consistency is the key with any sleep training method. Most all methods work if you're consistant.

Hang in there!

*HUGS*
Sonya =P

[Luke-n-Me]

I had the exact same problem with my lo and found that pat/sh was just stimulating her.  She is tightly swaddled as well, but I just started to keep her limbs from flailing and shhing (?) and she does much better.  As long as I pat, her eyes stay open!  It will get better and you'll figure her out!

[ambersmum]

If she is not crying I found the sh without the pat worked well (not so stimulating?) I also found keeping out of view, sitting on floor with baby in basket on the stand, worked well as my face was just too interesting.

Keep going with sh/pat it does work in the end, and the result of getting an independent sleeper is soooooo worth it!!

[Mom2you]

I have found that no one way works all the time. My dd is 5 mos old, and we've been at this for 2 weeks. Sometimes she goes down easy, others I'm in there for over 40 minutes! I've left her to cry it out, and I've done sh/pat. Sometimes she sleeps for 45 minutes, sometimes 2 hrs! I never know what I'll get. It almost seems to depend on her "mood" which way works better.  :roll:  I was getting upset everytime it took 40 minutes of sh/pat to get her to sleep - but now I'll leave, and go back in once she's cried a bit and seems to have some of that excess energy worked off. Of course, that only works sometimes!! :wink: I say the best thing is to follow your instincts, what you feel will work at the time. I have found myself much less stressed and anxious since I figured that much out!

good luck 

[RachelC]

Thanks for the advice.  I hate letting her cry it out, but I do have a 3.5 year old who sometimes needs my attention (she was an angel baby and toddler, which helps a great deal, but she can't make her own meals  :wink: ).  I haven't figured out how to deal with those situations when I'm concentrating on shh/pat.  I can ignore the phone and door, but not my other child.  We've tried two different pacifiers, and she doesn't seem to like them.  Awake time is short and I am on her with that first yawn
On the bright side, we managed to get two 3.5 hour stretches between feedings last night.  The second one my husband did the shh/pat for about an hour then came to bed saying "I'm not done yet, I just needed a break" and he never had to go back!
We've decided to put a hold on trying to cluster feed and dream feed for now, concentrating on sleeping at the moment.  With my first, my husband was home for 2.5 months (he's a teacher).  This time he had just gone back to work when she was born, which makes everything harder!
Thanks again!