He thinks sleep isnt safe thanks to me

[hana1978]

My 6 month old DS was falling asleep independantly bless him after we used shh/patt and has...sorry had been doing this for weeks and weeks for naps and bedtime.  The other day things got bad, he was upset and wouldnt go down for a nap and was screaming bloody murder, my boyf said something that got my back up and i told him to ...**** off and it scared my DS  :oops:  :cry:  :oops:  :cry:  :oops:  :cry:  :oops:  :cry:
He went balistic, arched his back and scrrrrrrrrreamed - i brought him back into the living room and comforted him until he was calm but he wouldnt nap the rest of the day, i tried but gave up very quickly as he got very upset - paniking,sweating and shaking i tried some PUPD but hes not used to that and it seemed to make it worse.   Bedtime was the same it took an hour and he eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.  Its been the same everydays since - ive scared him - he thinks its not safe and i feel terrible - how do i rectify this??  :cry:

[branwen]

OH, Hana it's okay!  I'm sure we've all done this!  I know I have :oops:

Be careful of projecting...if he senses from you all of this he might resist.  Try to go at it confident again.

Just keep doing pat/shh as you were before.  I'd not introduce anything new right now.

Once when dh and I were fighting in front of our dd  :oops: she started crying but it seemed to help her when we got more cuddly around her with each other.  She could relax.  Babies pick up on so much stuff it's crazy!

[hana1978]

I was worried it would be me and now im convinced it is - my own DS is scared of me i sence it.  Hes fine with me during awake time but trying to put him to sleep is just horrible - i dont know what to do.  I did shh/patt tonight and it seemed to make him cry harder so i did PUPD and it took 30-40mins before he passed out.  :cry:

[branwen]

It sounds also that you are having a general regression too.  Let's try to figure out what that is as well, it might not just be that you scared him.  Can you post your current EASY?

What is your wind down?  Do you have a rocker?  If you are completely convinced you scared him and that is the reason he is afraid to sleep try rocking with him, lots of cuddles during A time.

Does he have teeth yet?  Could be the beginning of teething and general separation anxiety?

[hana1978]

Hi Branwen thanks so much for offering to help....more than once aswell 
Wind down i normally start 15mins before nap is due, i allow him 1h30m awake time then take him into my room, dim the lights and lay with him on the bed - i give him his favourate soft toy to nuzzle and sing songs to him.  I then take him into his room lay him down, put on his mobile turn the lights out and leave - he did just fall asleep at that point.
I dont have a rocker no, and havnt rocked him in weeks and weeks but i will try this.
Were all convinced hes teething but im not sure if i can see or feel anything - gums are hard anyway so its difficult.  He does dribble allot, put things in his mouth and have little red spots on his cheeks - but would he just cry at sleep time if it was teething? 
Our rountine isnt really an EASY one, i feed him at 7-11-3-6.30 and because he will only nap for 30mins and has done for ages (ive given up stressing about that) sometimes i do have to feed him right before sleep but i always make sure hes awake when i lay him down.
I posted on the PUPD board and said there that ive gone back to work three times a week and my mum either feeds him to sleep or puts him in the pram or car.  Ive tried talking to her - in fact i have just got off the phone with her again - she says he wont conform to any book and that i should just do it the natural way and stop using these stupid techniches.  I bought a travel cot but shes only put him in it once.  This could play a part couldnt it?  Although it is only 3 times a week and i dont mind him falling asleep so much in the pram or car as i can then have a little freedom myself but im not happy on feeding to sleep.   She liturally props him up with a pillow on her bed and feeds him until hes out.  Dont wanna just blame her tho, maybe its me.  Im so stressed out right now and on top of that just found out im pregnant  :?

[branwen]

Oh Hana you have so much going on!

First, congratulations! with hugs too because it sounds like you need them.  You must start taking care of yourself.

YES on the mum thing!  Major problem in my opinion. PU/PD and any sleep training relies on consistency.  Is there any way to get her on board?  Can you show her Tracy's book?  Can you explain that it is not a schedule but a routine and that it helps mom and baby know what comes next.  BW is a pattern not a set schedule.  It helps give babies independence for the future :wink: I know you know these things but if your mom is going to watch him she needs to respect your wishes.  If she can't you will have to modify your behavior if you have to leave him with her.  Your ds is probably so confused right now Is there any way she can come to your place?

Teething is hard to tell sometimes, esp if it is early on...at 7 1/2 months it took my dd two weeks before the teeth broke through and then another two weeks for them to settle down to where she wasn't upset all the time. I didn't figure it out until the second week :oops:

Rely on us!  It sounds a stressful time for you...I'm going to try to send other people your way too! :wink: