March/April 05 Thread #2

[mickymuscles]

traci...don't worry about venting!!  That's what we are here for!  It's hard dealing with alcoholism esp. when its a family member!  I hope his visit with the specialist goes well.  Alcoholism is a hard disease to stop especially when the person is in denial.

[becca24]

Hi Everyone,

Can you tell me how to do a quote? I have tried a few things and can't quite do it !! 

Judy - so cute about the twins talking to each other :lol:

I will have to read up about the toilet training in BWSAYP and join in with whoever else is going to do it.

Great stories about meeting your dh's. I will post mine when I have more time. Meanwhile since Teresa posted a love letter from her dh and got such an overwhelming response I thought I would post one from mine if you can handle it: :wink:

Babe, gone surfing, love you xxx

[sophieandhannah]

LOL at the love letter from dh Bec. AT first I was thinking , oh I guess she forgot to attach it...and then I saw it
Great stories ladies.  I have so enjoyed reading all of them. 
Lots of druggies down here in the states too Roz.  I seemed to be able to attract them like crazy (not dh, thankfully) My EX DH (and here it DOES mean  head!) was a chronic pot user.  Sad.  I think he was majorly depressed.  We had been married for 4 years before the divorce.  I had been begging him to get help for about 3.9 of those 4 years and he never did.  I finally got fed up and left...right after he went into inpatient rehab...it was too late I guess.   After the divorce I started dating a "reformed" pot smoker/gorgeous surfer...who very quickly becase a renewed pot smoker. Stayed with him for two years, slowly realizing that there must be something a little off with me if these are the guys I'm attracted too.   Never moved in together thank goodness.  If we had, I am sure we would have had a scene much like yours Micky...he was a really nice total loser.  Parents still supporting him and the works.
Anyhow...I think I had pretty much given up on marriage/babies etc.  After about two years of the single/dating life at age 30...ugh.  Then one day a colleague asked if she could give my number to a friend of her's son and I was like "Sure why not?  It's probably not going to work out anyway" ...I was a little jaded. 
He called and we went out and I actually liked him alot.  I had some hang ups about him that I slowly got over in the year that we dated before suddenly, I was preggo with Sophie.  We decided to have her and get married and the rest is history.  It sounds so unromantic.  But actually Mike is really an amazing man.  He surprises me all the time....as we are really still getting to know each other.  And we have both been married before and neither of us are at all interested in any bs...it's very real and he is actually quite romantic. Although he is the butt of many of my jokes,  I would not change a thing.
Although it would be nice to fix the mismatched sex- drive thing, in all seriousness.  I mean really, those of you who share this problem, what do you do?  Do it anyway even though you don't feel like it?  Or only do it when you do?  (WHich would probably be about once a week or so for me...sorry if tmi)

Judy I was lol at your post about the twins talking to each other and Sara and the toilet!   
Traci I am so sorry about your dad.  I totally kwym...drug addiction/alcoholism are so similar.  You just get to the point where you can't give any more to the situation.  With my ex, I just had nothing left, even though he was trying to change at that point, the well was just dry.
11years kate...that's amazing!
Thanks for the eczema info and spelling.  I bought some aquaphor today. And some formula...boy is that stuff expensive!! I'm down to two pumps a day...weaning myself to go back to work.  It's going to cost us almost $100 a month just for formula!!!  Yikes!
Jody was it you who pierced her tongue post realtionship?  I pierced my belly button...needless to say it wears a jewel no longer...actually the surfing with ex bf got in the way before little tiny girlfriend did...but my scar is Sooooo staretched out now. 
There's so much more to comment on, but I'll leave it at that for now.
Take care ladies.
hannah

[Erin M]

Traci - I am sorry to hear about your dad, though I do agree with the other ladies that you can only give so much, and now you've got Cole and he is the center of your universe and you just don't have the time and energy.  So, feel what you think you should feel and don't worry about it (easier said than done I'm sure).

Jody, Hannah, Roz, Kate, Micky - love the stories.  Hannah, I'd say it was meant to be and Sophie was just meant to be part of your life.

Bec - ROTFLMAO at DH's love note.   :lol:

Ankie - hang in there - sounds like you've had some rough nights!

All righty, I've got a few minutes here -- DH and I went to college together, he's two years older than me, had been in a long term relationship that he just got out of, was out every night, hooking up every night with a different girl, just happy to be out of the prior relationship.  Anyway, I had some good friends in his fraternity and we were there one night drinking, playing beer pong (I'm sure at least one of you ladies know the game) against DH (who prior to now had been a friend of mine)and I had...um...a wee bit too much.  Too much as in I went to throw the ball and threw up on the floor instead.  Lovely.  Fast forwad a few hours to where I was heading back to the dorm with my roommate and a couple of DH's housemates to watch a movie or something...one of DH's housemates calls home to see what's up and DH tells him - "You're with Erin and Lori (my roommate) - bring them back here since we're having a party.  We got there and -- you guessed it -- no party -- apparently he just made the whole thing up so we could hook up (after I threw up on the floor mind you).  The next morning, we both awoke in his bathroom (as I was still getting sick -- how gross is this story?) and promptly didn't talk for a few weeks.  Until he started calling me every day.  We were "officially" dating a few months later (as opposed to whatever you call all the other nights I spent at his house).  Needless to say, I think we're going to have to make something up when Katie is old enough to ask about this.

OK, I really have to go be productive, I've spent way too much time here already today.

[Arwyn's mom]

ROTFLMAO at the love letter, Bec!!!  :lol:

Traci... My empathy to you, girlfriend. It is so disheartening to watch a loved one destroy themselves but it is out of your control. Try to make the best of the time you spend with or talk to your father... if you think he doesn't have much time left, make it count. You won't change him or his behaviour but you have control over the memories you create for him, yourself and Cole right now.

Judy... I love it that the twins talk to each other! How very cute.

Eczema... I use Aveeno everything for Arwyn. They make several products just for eczema... a baby bath soak and a very thick cream. I found they work very well. Arwyn had a few patches when she was younger. Sometimes they come back... especially if I haven't been lubing her up!

I love all the stories about meeting DH! Before I met DH, I had a real loser of a drug addict boyfriend too  :roll: . So glad I ditched that "DH".

Here's mine... not so exciting. We were getting ready to go up to Whistler (ski resort town) to celebrate a friend's birthday. We were all ready to go when the birthday girl says we have to wait for one more... he (my now DH) is going to be late. I was basically the first person there so I was rolling my eyes (type A personality... can you tell?)

Well... he gets there and we jump in the cars to go. I end up following him because I was not so sure about the directions after getting off the highway. He damn near kills us all by cutting across 3 lanes of traffic to take the exit (at which time, I start swearing and yelling at a passenger of mine to phone the car ahead) and I fume all the way there.

I spent most of the weekend ignoring him (had my sights set on another man) but the last afternoon there, everyone was napping and I ended up talking to him for hours. He called me everyday for a week when we got back... I finally agreed to meet him and his friends at a nightclub the next weekend. I had too much to drink  :oops:  (no throwing up though  :wink: ) and ended up going back to his place.  :oops:  We have been together ever since. 7 years and counting!

I am with Erin... have to make something up when Arwyn is old enough to ask how I met her dad. Don't want her doing what I did.  :roll:

Are we starting a new thread soon? Already at 100 pages and it feels like we just started this one.

[Little Bear's Mum]

Hi, phew that was a lot to get thru. Away from the computer for a day and so much has happened.

I'm interested in the excema remedies. Daniel has it in a few places and nothing seems to really work. Maybe I don't stick with things long enough. When you're talking about lotion do you mean a general moisturiser lotion? For babies of course. I've got one called Aqueous cream, I didn't think it helped much as a little little baby though. His ankle is really bad and I'm now trying to sort that one out, very dry and I see him scratching it by rubbing it on the floor all the time.

Oh, he's woken up after 1.5h nap (no complaints there!) and we've got to get ready to go out. So I'll check in later.

I have some food/routine questions. Feeling a bit depressed about the whole food thing and he just doesn't enjoy it.

See you later girls.

PS Got a good 'how we met' story and as for face cleaning, I try to keep Daniel's clean, I'm a bit of a clean freak. And if he had boogies, I'd be wiping those for sure!

[Carter'sMama]

Ladies, I love all of the stories!  It's so weird how you meet people eh?  Mine is very boring but here goes:

DH and I started dating in Grade 12 (so when we were 17!!).  I had always dated jocks and I had just broken up with the last one and went to a party to "drown my sorrows"  ... although at that age (being underage and not really a drinker) you don't really drown your sorrows.  Anyway, Luke was there and he hung out with me all night and even helped me out with a friend of mine who had passed out from drinking too much.  Anyway, 2 months later we were dating exclusively.  Fast forward to university where things get more interesting.  Luke decided to go to Windsor for automotive engineering and I went to Waterloo for psychology so we were 3 hours apart.  We ended up driving to see each other every other weekend.  We did break up (I ended it part way through 1st year because of another guy) but we got back together the next summer.  After I finished my psych degree I went to Ridgetown to get my vet tech degree so now we were only an hour apart.  By this time Luke had graduated and was working for Roush racing in Detroit (his dream job ... if any of you watch Nascar).  I had refused to ever live in Windsor (hated the city) and told him to get a job around home (Orangeville).  Well, it is a couple of years later, we got married in 2003, we live in Windsor, Luke still works in Detroit and it doesn't look like we will ever leave 

We are trying to sell our house though and maybe move out into the county.  It has been up for 2 months and I think if it doesn't sell soon then we will wait until spring to relist it.  Our real estate lady is due to give birth in 1 week and she is still taking on new clients.  She says she is going to be back at work as soon as she is released from the hospital  :shock:   

Anywhoo, DH is home from work and he's hungry so I guess I have to figure out what to make for dinner  :roll:

Talk later

[Colesmom]

Traci... My empathy to you, girlfriend. It is so disheartening to watch a loved one destroy themselves but it is out of your control. Try to make the best of the time you spend with or talk to your father... if you think he doesn't have much time left, make it count. You won't change him or his behaviour but you have control over the memories you create for him, yourself and Cole right now.

Ankie, you made me cry. Thank you so much for saying this.  I'm so filled with bitterness that I'd almost forgotten that I have to make the best of what little time is left.  I never even thought he'd live to see the day I gave him a grandchild so I should take advantage as much as possible.  And thank you to everyone else for your kind words of encouragement. 

Bec LOL about the note.  It's so bizarre to me that surfing is an everyday thing people do somewhere in the world!  seems like such a "movie-star" thing to do 

Love the fact that some of you will have to make up stories of how you met.  And I'm sorry Ankie but no matter what you tell her it could still happen that way for her :shock:

Hannah.  Gosh, where do I begin on the sex drive thing.  I've actually considered taking drugs for it.  Seriously.  Sorry if that's TMI girls.  I actually offered DH an out before he became my DH.  I have NO drive and I don't think it's fair to him.  I know that I CAN have a drive.  I enjoyed about the first 6 months of our relationship when it was all new and exciting so I know it's possible.  I guess we maybe just have to spice things up a bit.  I think much of it has to do with my self esteem.  I really let myself go for a while (by my standards) and just didn't feel sexy.  Believe it or not I'm finally starting to feel good about myself again.  BFg is helping me drop the pounds like crazy.  My legs haven't looked this good in ages.  My tummy on the other hand, well, I'll have to work on that. I've always hated my legs though but I guess with all the walking and bending up and down and playing with Cole is paying off.
So-as for when we do it.  Not often.  Couldn't tell you the last time to be honest.  The thing is now is that they stitched me up too tight (again, sorry if tmi).  We tried at 3 months, 4 months and I think maybe 3 times after that.  It is getting better but if I didn't have drive before you can imagine it now when it actually hurts! *sigh* i actually cry about it sometimes.  it makes me sad that I don't want him the way he wants me.  I want to so badly too.  here i go again sobbing like a baby.  maybe i'm getting AF for the first time or something.  I'm a mess right now :oops:  god, i hope DHs coworkers wife didn't join the board and is reading this!

[Richelle]

Ooooh, I love the stories and all of you who say your stories are boring are crazy, they are all very sweet, every one of them has given me goosebumps!!

Here goes mine:

After University, I decided to come to the Cayman Islands to make some big bucks(the Cayman dollar doubles the Canadian dollar :shock: ), party, get a tan, pay off my student loan, basically anything but grow up.  I got a job bartending and was having a GREAT time, Cayman is definately a PARTY island, has a huge young, ex-pat population, wakeboarded everyday and bartended everynight.  I did manage to pay off my student loans in 8 months so I wasn't a complete hammer head!  Anyway I have always been sort of a "free spirit" if you will?  I will try anything once and had only ever had one serious reltionship. 

DH lived very close to the bar I worked at and would frequent quite regularly (I found out later he was there so often b/c of me  :wink: ) and we ended up e-mailing eachother all the time - it was the weirdest thing ever.  Then we progressed to being friends and we got along so great, I had a huge crush on him and loved his english accent but I thought we got along way too good as friends to risk pouncing him, of course it didn;t cross my mind that we could have a relationship  :roll: .

One night we went out with a bunch of friends to a weird beach rave and ended up making out and haven't stopped since :lol: !  We moved in together a month later, I asked HIM to marry me a month after that.  We got married a little less than a year later.  We had been married for 3 years when I got preggers with Sophie!

It has been cool but tought sometimes being from different corners of the world and not living closer to family but I also think it makes us stronger as a family.  I am still head over heels for this guy and got all teary telling the story....

PS.  I am at work - talk about slacking or what heehee!

[Richelle]

Traci - weposted at the same time.  Don't feel bad about your lack of drive, it is your body's way of protecting itself from another pregnancy  :shock: !!  It takes ONE year for a woman's body to be what it was pre - preganancy and birth and sometimes our bodies and our minds (which really do effect one another) will never be the same as we are now mom's and react to evrything different now - even smells!  It is like a complete overhaul and I know your DH understands that.  Also let yourself go?  I have seen pic's of you gorlfriend - oyu are gorgeous!!!

[Richelle]

Jeez - I should have taken some more time and care writing that - sorry I hope you get my point Traci!!

[Colesmom]

thanks Richelle...it was an issue long before DS came along unfortunately... :oops:  :oops:  :oops:

I think I need to take steps to spice things up a bit :wink:

[kate585]

Hello, my friends!  Man, this is my 3rd post here today...no wonder it's 101 already!   :oops:

Traci, so sorry about your dad.  Ankie (sage that she seems to be) is right about making the most of your time.  Call your mom and see if she can get your Dad to stay in town one more day to see you.  Also, I lol-ed at your comment about dh's coworker.  That was too funny. 
(Possible TMI alert...not sure):  In the bedroom, I am much the same as you.  It is not so enjoyable anymore and we're both way tired, but make sure we...ummm...get together? once a week usually.  (Hannah, you must think me a total slacker.   :lol: )  Traci, you are such a planner, I think you might like this suggestion.  We have a book called "101 Nights of Grrrrreat Sex!"  You and dh each pull an envelope out and keep it a secret.   It tells you something to plan for the week ahead.  It tells you how much time and $$$ it'll take to do so you can plan accordingly.  It's all a surprise and you just set it up and then pounce some night.  One time dh had to create a beach atmosphere...bathtub with floating candles then a backrub with some smelly lotion.  We haven't actually used it in a long time...maybe you've inspired me to get it back out.   :wink:   There's another version called "101 Grrrrreat Quickies" (I think) where it has no planning involved, but it gives you ideas to spice things up.
HTH

Erin, I laughed at your frat story...too funny and too familiar for a lot of us, I'm sure. 
Richelle, I am impressed with you...8 months to pay off those loans and enough time to wakeboard and meet a man and you got to live in the Caymans while doing it?  You go, girl!   

[becca24]

Traci - I have the same problem with the stitched up too tight thing  :x Not sure what to do -have you asked your dr about it or anyone? I am going to see my Womens Health Nurse but keep putting it off because I got a little bit sick of people 'poking around' down there :roll: I still can't work out how to do a quote but what you said about feeling better about yourself - just keep thinking that way. Blokes don't expect us to look like supermodels - in fact they find a women who has confidence in herself much more sexy than one who complains about themselves all the time KWIM? I hope that comes across the way I mean it too :?

I met my DH (we're not married so what is he really DF ??) 10 years ago. I was working at a lawyers office and I would take the cash to the bank each day to deposit. One day I was walking back from the bank and DH stopped at the pedestrian crossing for me to cross. I had my hair up and wearing a business suit, carrying a brief case etc...anyway he thought I was 'posh' but pretty hot stuff so he watched to see where I went. From then on he would come down town the same time to see if he could see me again. Apparently he tried all sorts of things to get my attention but I never noticed him. He would even go into the pie shop where i bought my lunch and say hello and I just ignored him (I don't know how I missed him because of the size of him). After a while he decided I was too 'up myself' and probably wouldn't go out with him anyway and gave up. A few months later he spotted me again but this time it was different.. I was in the middle of the mosh pit at a heavy metal concert with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other !!! He decided maybe I was for him after all  :lol: Sorry this is getting kind of long - Not long after my friends and I were at the pub and he just walked straight up and asked for my number in front of everyone. I was so embarresed I said "I don't have a pen and neither does anyone else" He walked away but came back later to try again. Finally he said - "well if no-ones got a pen then we can go outside and i will scratch the number in the road with a rock, then tomorrow I will drive back here and copy it down" For some reason I really liked that idea :?  so a few days later he called and we went to the movies!

[Judy]

Traci sorry to hear things aren't so great for your dad right now.

As for drive... first off bf'ng wreaks havoc with sensations.  I've know women who've had c-sections who have had pain during intercourse afterwards and there's no stitching involved.  I found with my first two that things drastically improved after I stopped bf'ng and basically jumped in for like a week straight.  Started out horribly painful but got better fast.

Prior to having kids my drive was crazy - dh used to be the one telling me no and he'd say he did that simply because he could knowing that anytime he wanted it he'd get it. :roll:  and now ... gosh sex is the last thing I think about ever.  Honestly my drive is dead right now - but then again, I'm pretty darn exhausted and used up by the end of the day (ok, by noon really .  Having 4 children so young is really tough on a marriage - there's just so little time available for us to spend time together on our own, even to talk... just wait for those of you one your first - when your little ones are older and talking - gosh Zoe just HATES it if dh and I try to have a conversation at dinner.  Well Sarah too - she'll get whiny or act out, throw her supper or something but Zoe will actually start harping "daddy daddy daddy DAAAADDDDYYYYY I'm taaaalkiiiiing to youuuuuuuu!!!"  It's nearly impossible - we can't hear each other.  And neither of us feel right telling them to hush - I mean they haven't seen daddy all day either and he is their world.  And it's family time too so we both want to chat with them and help them learn to converse.  And once supper is done is the race to get the dishes done, baths, babies to bed, older girls in jammies, teeth brushed, in to bed and STAYING in bed.  Man Sarah was bouncing off the walls at 9pm and that's with no daytime nap. In fact she finally settled a bit after bouncing right into dh's eye and hurting both of them quite badly!  So by the time all the 'work' is done, dh sits on the couch and is asleep within 20min.  Who has time for sex?

I teased him this morning because I complained at 6.30am that I was freezing cold and he got up and went down and put wood on the fire.  I said "you know, some couples would have just cuddled!"  LOL

I guess the biggest difference for us is we both see it the same way.  It's not like he's asking and I'm saying no or avoiding.  He's said it himself that there's just no time to think or worry about it.  He and I have talked about  friends of mine who's dh's are complaining about not getting enough and MY dh's comment is always the same - that if one partner isn't interested then the other partner needs to work harder at helping them feel interested rather than feeling upset or rather than the one less interested feeling guilty.

Wow - how's that for evening conversation?