March/April 05 Thread #2

[hayes]

Oh my!  What fun stories.  I will add mine tomorrow probably. 
About sex... I was once ready to go anytime and anywhere.  This was all the way up to having Ben 9 months prego and huge!  Then the baby came and my drive is nowhere to be found.  Oh I feel so bad for DH and am constantly telling him that he needs to warm me up longer.  I don't think he understands what has happened because before all he needed to do was walk in the room.  We have had some different issues along the way that have affected our sex lives... the book THe Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner is great.  It has a sections on sexual excercises that don't always include the act that really helped DH when he was having issues a while ago.  Lots of rubbing, massaging, and getting sensual without actually doing the act.   THe excercises are throughout the book.  Also, I read a book recently called For Women Only.  It is a quick read and it isn't just about sex.  Talks about ways to love our DH's better and tells about what goes on in their brains.   I highly recommend it.
Lots of phantom cries here too.
Lisa-Ben was waking at 5 and I would just leave him in there and he would eventually fall back to sleep after talking to himself for a while.
Kate-I have been using Auquaphor for a long time and it works wonders on all kinds of skin changes and conditions.
Andrea-LOTS of red faced straining here and sometimes the result is so minimal :roll:
Hannah-Terrible noises when the face is wiped.  I don't have long nails and I am constantly trying to get boogers out.  I sometimes turn to a qtip dipped in aquaphor and have to hold Ben's head down so I don't go too deep.  He gets so mad but we are not going out of the house with huge boogers.  DH could care less.  I would hate to see what Ben looks like on days when I am not home.
Traci-I am thinking about you and your challenges with your dad.  Both of my parents are alcoholics and I struggle with communicating with them constantly.  I went through a phase for a while trying to talk them out of drinking too much and asking them if they new what they were doing?  Now I just cherish the time I have with them and try to dodge times when I know they will be drinking too much.  THe holidays coming up cause tons of anxiety for me because everyone is loaded.I think that you should continue to tell your dad how you feel but keep in mind that it may not make any difference.  I give my parents so much love and tons of attention when they are sober and am hoping that they will come to realize the damage they are doing to themselves.
Richelle-Thinking of you and all of your business.  THe time will soon come when things will settle down.
Cathy-Ben is not crawling here either.  Lots of scoots and some rolling to things.  He likes to get up like a tripod.  Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the non movement while I can.
Off to give DH some much needed attention.  He came home early and I am on the computer.
Good sleeping for everyone.
macaire

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

{{Hugs}} Traci.

Jody, we also had Amazed as one of our wedding songs - can't remember where it featured though, I think it played while we were signing the register??

I too went out with a loser before meeting DH, so glad I got out of that toxic relationship.

Here's my story...

DH was flatting with a girlfriend of mine and I used to go over there and visit her and kind of noticed him, but not really (kind of arrogant really  :roll: ), anyway after about 6mths of him admiring me from afar my girlfriend noticed that he fancied me and threw a party (with the aim being for me and DH to actually get together and talk  :lol: ), I still wasn't into the whole idea (he was a few years younger than me).  He thought I was into big rugby guys (football) - couldn't be further from the truth.  Anyhow, we chatted at the party, went on a dinner date the following week, hit it off, I asked him to move in with me 4mths later, then I PROPOSED when we'd been together 9mths and we got married in 2000 after being together 2yrs.  We got married in the same restaurant set on a vineyard as our first date in mid-winter.

Oh yeah, no sex drive here either, and I can't really blame it on having kids and being tired, it had dwindled before then...kind of amazing I've got two children. :roll:

[Colesmom]

I met my DH (we're not married so what is he really DF ??) 10 years ago

  LOL Bec-no, he's not a Dream Feed he's a Dear Partner, DP!  And I don't have to worry about my DH thinking I'm sexy.  He'd have me 3 times a day if it was up to him.  It's about ME thinking I'm sexy.  So I'll have to work on that.

Kate-thanks for the book suggestion.  I'd heard of that years back and considered it...maybe I'll pick it up for christmas as a hint that I want to help things along.

I found with my first two that things drastically improved after I stopped bf'ng and basically jumped in for like a week straight.

Judy-I sure hope you're right. I'd like to get SOME drive back.
 
I wasn't kidding when I said on the chat the DH must have sneezed on me to make me preggers.  We were being careful in that we wouldn't have sex during that 11 or so day window after period.  Well, little did I realize my cycle was 35 days long and that meant that my math was a little messed up :roll: So the ONE time we did it (we went away for a weekend) in like 4 weeks it happened!

MY dh's comment is always the same - that if one partner isn't interested then the other partner needs to work harder at helping them feel interested rather than feeling upset or rather than the one less interested feeling guilty.

Judy-I like your DHs attitude. My DH never ever makes me feel guilty about it.  He knows that it's just the way I am and has come to accept it.  As I said I gave DH an out.  He said he'd do without sex for the rest of his life if that's what he had to do to be with me.  Of course that's a little over the top, but it's good to know that he loves me that much.  I think I owe it to him to figure out if there is something "wrong" with me...whether it be physical, emotional, psychological.  I have often thought of seeing a sexual therapist for a while.  I don't think it could hurt anyway. 

Macaire-thank you for the book suggestions and words of support re: alcoholic parents.  My mother is too as well as one of my brothers so yes, I understand about the holidays *sigh*

Nikki-how does your DH feel about your drive?  If you don't mind me asking.  Is he okay with it?  My DH rarely even approaches me anymore for fear of refusal so I think I really need to take steps to do the initiating...

alright-enough about sex and alcohol!  LOL-trying to lighten the conversation leading into the weekend (and for those already into the weekend!)

We had another pretty good night.  Very much the same but getting gradually later which is good.  Down at 6pm, fed at 9pm (still early given 5:30 feed), woke at 1:40 and settled himself, woke at 4:30 (woo hoo)-fed one boob, woke at 6:10!!!  I am loving this after 6 stuff.  I feel soooo much better

I put him down for nap at 8:50 and he struggled a bit-not sure if not tired enough or too tired.  I think the latter as he actually rubbed his eyes before I started to sing to him.  Really hoping to ditch the catnap today.  Yesterday we went walking before nap and he fell asleep 30 minutes earlier than I had expected so I ended up walking for 1 hour and 30 minutes.  Of course, the nap itself was only 45 min because I walked by a house having it's roof done at the 45 min mark :twisted:  I would have brought him in the house but I had him so bundled for the cold weather that I was afraid he'd be a furnace when he woke up.

boy-long post.  going to try and get some stuff done around here before Mr. Smuggies wakes up. Have a good weekend everyone

[Taylor's Mommy]

Fun stuff girls!
Kate, DH and I actually got that book about 4 years ago(it was a valentine's day present to him) and we never even did anything with it!  How pathetic. :oops:   So if that says anthing,you can tell I am not the most sexually driven person.  It's great I think for so many of us to be able to be honest with eachother. 

DH keeps saying that we should try for another though because he had never got it so much than when we were trying! :lol:   Even with lack of drive though before and after dd, I would always manage though to "give it up" at least once a week. MY DH is like yours Traci, he has kinda given up on the sexual advances because he's tired of rejection :? , so yes, it is something I need to work on!
One positive though, we actually had it 2 days in a row this week!!!  And we both wanted it and we're in the mood, etc...not like I kind of just gave in.  So things are looking up :wink:

DH and I met in a kind of boring fashion 10 years ago.  I was 18, he was 19 and I had just broken up with my bf of 3 years.  My parents were in Hawaii so I had a party and invited a hotty ex of mine, another potential cutie, and a friend invited DH.  He is a comedian, let me start by saying...so the doorbell rings, and I answer it and say "you must be Art?".  He says "NO" :?   So I think hummm, well alright then and shut the door in his face (I was tipsy at this point)!  He rings the doorbell again and I answer and see it is still him and am now really confused and he just laughs and introduces himself and the rest is history.  I went away to college 3 hours away and we stayed together...I was so head over heels in love with him I would drive back and forth 3 hours every other day to see him, and vice versa!  Couldn't stand going more than 3 days w/o seeing eachother.  So not the most exciting story, but it did the trick and now I have my dream man :wink:   We have now been married 6 years.

So glad to hear everyone else's stories and glad to see we all got out of the crappy relationships with the exes!

[Taylor's Mommy]

Oh, and the other 2 potential mates at the party were definitely ignored once DH showed up!  I thought he was the cutest boy I had ever seen and still do!

[Richelle]

I am positive that the the only reason that DH is on board for TTC - (which BTW I have AF visiting :cry: )  is sex!  I also find that I even cringe thinking about sex - don't know why and DH and I don't really talk about it which is bad.

Traci - I'm glad you had a good night and are feeling better.  I am still feeling the residual effects of my grandfather's alcholosim VIA my dad so I know it must be really tough going but I say that Sage Ankie gave some great advice.

Macaire - thanks for the info on the books - maybe I shall peruse the bookstores...Thanks for your thoughts about my ' business', when I am at work I am thinking about everything that I need to get done at home and Vice Versa.  Not only did having a baby knock out my sex drive but it made me a neurotic :shock: !

Well - I am at work fretting about all I  need to get done and here I am  posting again - what a loon!!

[sophieandhannah]

First of all, I am letting dd sleep Waaaaay too late right now but I had to read and I have to respond. 
Thank you so much for being so open and candid about the sex drive issue.  Reading all of your situations has helped me sooo much.  traci I too have thought I should maybe "see" someone about my "problem".  Judy I loved what you said about both partners being on the same page with it all.  I actually sent dh email yesterday while he was at work to try to explain where I was coming from on some of this.  We talk about it all the time which is good, but doesn't really seem to solve the problem.  Basically I have kind of encouraged him to "take care of himself"...sorry if tmi.  I explained to him yesterday how important is to me to NOT feel forced/guilty or even just like I am doing it because I feel obligated.  Thankfully he does say he understands and has clearly stated that he does not want me to even do it because I feel like I have to.  But again. Problem doesn't really get "solved".  He still wants it, I still don't.
I love the book ideas.  I mean really maybe that's just it, spice things up a little.  It is strange how in the beginning it's all exciting and new and therefore much easier to find the drive.
I have to tell you.  dh and I waited a long time after starting dating before having sex (long for me considering my history...I have had lots of sex in the past very early to please the men I was dating even though I truly did not want to...which also explains why I do NOT want to do that any more not even for my hubbie) Anyhow.  He took me to this awesome place on the coast, in the winter so the ocean was all stormy and wild.  We had a wonderful dinner which we got all decked out for, had a soak in the hot tub and then of course, even though we hadn't specifically said we were going to, I knew it was "time".  It was the first time we would spend the night together.  Anyhow.  We were making out and he told me to close my eyes, and I was soooo worried, I thought he was going to do something really trashy/goofy like pull out some whip cream (which wouldn't necessarily be bad now...but for a first time?) or some sort of strange toy or something weird...I just didn't know.  Anyhow, I had my eyes closed, lying on the bed, and suddenly I felt this amazing soft fluttery feeling.  I opened my eyes and I was covered, and the bed was covered with red rose petals...hundreds of them!  It was seriously the most romantic thing that I had ever experienced.  I almost started crying.
Fast forward from that to less than two years later, living together, married with child...and yes I think we need to work on spicing things up a little, less utilitarian sex and more romance maybe.
OK, just had to share. Thanks for listening.  I actually have sooo much more to say.  I volunteered at a father daughter dance fund raiser that MIL does for the hospital last night..toooo cute.  But this post is long enough.
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts.  Such a boost for me to hear that I am not alone in this
Hannah

[mickymuscles]

hi girls!!

I've gotta go back and read a couple pages of posts to get caught up then I might have some more to comment on.  I just thought I would post a pic of Jackson now that we went to go get his proper casts on yesterday....what a headache!! :shock:  :roll:   Tell me how I'm supposed to bathe him properly and what if he pulls another Ryan??

[sophieandhannah]

OOhhhh Micky, we posted at the same time.  I just can't believe it.  First of all he is too cute!!  I am just sitting here going Ohhhhhhhh what a sweet brave little guy. 
Bathing...I don't know??? Plastic bags over the casts?  Maybe just "sponge" baths for now.
Hannah

[mickymuscles]

some of you make me laugh when you say you have no drive but you have sex once a week :oops:  :roll:   That would be my DH fantasy!! :oops:  :shock:   Especially with him being gone from home for 5 weeks at a time then home for 1 week (usually)  and with AF visiting on some of those weeks home  it could be months between for us!!  Then if he is home when all the timing is right it might only be once or twice! :shock:     Oh well, at least he is understanding too.  When we were trying to get prego he was hoping that I would be soon....he was too tired from all the trying! :roll:

Yeah Hannah..last night was the first time bathing him with these new casts on (before they only went to his calves).  I had him sitting on a towel with plastic bags on his legs (just in case he peed on them) then bathed him with just a cloth....but he got pretty cold by the end of it.

[Colesmom]

I have to be quick as little man is fussy in the saucer.

Micky-how adorable does Jackson look.  But I can't imagine how hard it will be to cope.  Thank goodness you got in before he was very mobile.  It would have drove him NUTS!  As for bathing...I'd say sponge baths for sure.  Just be sure to get all his little parts really well.  I wouldn't worry all too much about his torso.  Aim to get his face/ears/neck, hands and the "bits" LOL  How long until they come off?

Hannah-

I have had lots of sex in the past very early to please the men I was dating even though I truly did not want to...which also explains why I do NOT want to do that any more not even for my hubbie)

  My god, are you me?  That sounds so very familiar.  There have been times when DH has insisted and it's all come flooding back and I feel dirty and used :oops:  Isn't that horrible?  Then I end up in tears and DH ends up in tears feeling terrible because he said all I had to do was say no.  This was some years ago now, earlier on.  Phew-it is SO great to talk about this with other women.  I've only talked to one friend about it but she doesn't have the same issues so it's not quite the same.  I knew that a lot of women feel this way (from reading books on the issue), but it just feels good to know that i'm not weird or that something is wrong.  Isn't it funny how you think everything is wonderful for everyone else?  I never would have thought so many of us share the same feelings. 

okay, off to do afternoon nap windown.  Let's hope it's a long one and we can drop the catnap today!

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Micky, what a sweetie Jackson looks, what a little trooper, hope he's not too uncomfortable?

Traci,

My DH never ever makes me feel guilty about it. He knows that it's just the way I am and has come to accept it. As I said I gave DH an out. He said he'd do without sex for the rest of his life if that's what he had to do to be with me. Of course that's a little over the top, but it's good to know that he loves me that much. I think I owe it to him to figure out if there is something "wrong" with me...whether it be physical, emotional, psychological. I have often thought of seeing a sexual therapist for a while. I don't think it could hurt anyway.

Yep, kind of the same here, and like Hannah, I don't mind my dh "taking care of himself" if it takes the pressure off me.  :oops:  Of course, if I ever thought it would mean he would stray that would be a totally different kettle of fish and NOT cool. :?  He's not that kind of guy though and that makes me feel worse that he is so understanding and actually doesn't make advances, just kind of hints now and again.  I think some of it now is that I'm also terrified of getting pregnant again - got to get that sorted, we do need to get something here sorted out that's for sure.

Totally relate here too Hannah...in particular just the one loser I was with prior to DH....bleeecchhhhh......makes me cringe.  It wasn't even about lack of self esteem, but keeping myself safe (not that I was a beaten woman or anything, but just kept things ticking along until I was in a position to get out!).
 :roll:  :evil:

I have had lots of sex in the past very early to please the men I was dating even though I truly did not want to...which also explains why I do NOT want to do that any more not even for my hubbie)

OK, enough of the sex therapy for now.

For some reason Danielle woke at 2am last night, very loudly and very demanding, holding her, shshing didn't calm her, so I fed her and she scoffed it down.  Not too sure what that was about, it's been almost 2wks since she started sleeping through, so that's a bit of a bummer.

[Taylor's Mommy]

BTW, thanks for the tips on the cradle cap.  We pretty much do the same thing wtih the oil and comb and then lots of johnson and johson oil gel on afterwards but still all scaly   :?   Poor girl.

BTW, last night was our 4th night of no DF.  Every night she keeps doing the 10 pm wake up, but last night she woke up and didn't have to do PU/PD as usual.  She put herself back to sleep in about 3 mintues!!!  YAY!  We heard her wake a few other times throughout the night but put herself back down.  PHEW! 
I was really starting to doubt myself and think I should go back todoing the DF, but now I know she can do it.
She slept till 6, woke up and fed and then back down till 7:30.
 :?:  :?: so that means that she is officially only getting 4 bf a day.  are you all on the same plan pretty much?  It just seems like so little milk?!?!?  I did offer her an extra feed yesterday though after lunch because the girl REFUSES to drink H2O and she keeps getting constipated, so I figure a little foremilk should help.  Well she ended up taking another full feed! :shock:   Maybe she was stocking up because she had learned that mommy is not going to feed me at night anymore!

Traci, glad little man is sleeping past 6ish.  Really 5:45 is too early!  I don't know how you did it for so long.

Gotta get ready...meeting up with 2 other BW moms at South Coast Plaza-a huge beautiful mall in Orange County.

BTW...Go Micky and Jackson!!!  such troopers.  poor little guy!  he looks so cute though!  does he seem uncomfortable?

[solnme]

This subject is really hard to talk about and DH would kill, kill me if he knew I was.  Oh well...

I've got to get the "Quicky" book you suggested Kate.  DH is really good at rubbing and touching but it stops there.  It's usually me that has to initiate anything more and have stopped asking lately from fear of rejection.  I know how guilty he feels about it but it still hurts and I have to get over the feelings without blaming him.

My drive is much lower than it used to be and I think he's a little bit relieved.  I would be thrilled with once a week!  It's  just as hard on this side because it is deemed 'unusual' for both of us.  *sign*

Micky - cute pic of your Jack!
Bec - LOL about DP being DF!!
Traci - was so touched by the words the ladies have given you.  My family was faced with substance abuse as well.  I have nothing to add but hear you girl.

[solnme]

Oh yeah, Sol 

Been waking up between last feed/bed and DF last 3 nights. Hasn't been taking much for the last feed.   First 2 nights I fed him again because he seemed hungry and tried to skip the DF.  Nope!  Woke up at 3 in the morning screaming.
So last night pu/pd until DF, ate a ton and slept through.  Do you think it's time for a 3rd meal?