some questions that need answering please!

[travis's mum]

1. I have to admit I have been offering my DS a dummy at nap times to encourage independent sleep :oops: . I will be the first to admit he doesn't seem to love it! I used to find he would refuse it at first I would leave him alone he would make noise and slowly begin to cry. I would offer it again and he would take it and go to sleep. Lately he has been trying to suck his fingers if I leave him to it he gets overstimulated and frustrated (still doesn't have very good hand control).Another point is that due to 45 min napping he 'sometimes' towards the end of the day gets overtired and I find in order to get him to sleep I have to rock him :oops:
at this point he definately needs the dummy.  My question is at what point/age do I stop offering in dummy. And how do I go about doing this?

2.The other thing is 'sometimes' he does use it to drift of to sleep at night but I take it out after 30min or he drops it (wichever comes first) he then does not use it for the rest of the night not even after feeds. He has sometimes been waking often after his 3am feed. About every hour/1.5?  Why is he doing this does he want his dummy (he can't be hungry)? When we give him his dummy he does go back to sleep shortly afterwards, but I feel we will have problems later with this? Is he becoming too dependant on his dummy or is this night waking developmental/growthspurt?

3. When should I expect him to drop his night feed :?: He dream feeds at 11 but still wakes at 3 somtimes earlier depending on how much he drank at 11?  DO I have to wean him of his middle of his night feed or will he drop it naturally?

4. How can I extend his morning wake up. :?: He almost always wakes at 6 :shock:  :shock: Sometimes if he's feeling generous 6.30/7 (rearly). This is toooo early for me. I don't sleep till after the dream feed and have to wake at 3 :shock:  to feed him, somtimes have to deel with night wakings :shock:  :shock: , and then have to start the day at 6 :shock:  :shock:  :shock: . 7 would be better but 8 is ideal? he goes down at night around 7.30ish. I don't mind if I have to push his bedtime back in order to have a later start. Is this possible abd how should i go about it???

5. By the way we are passing through the 45min naps at the moment. I'm trying to handle them by trying to help him go back to sleep if he start laughing at me or worse cries and refuses to go back to sleep I take him out of bed let him have 15/20 A-time then try to put him back down. This usually works but obviously for another 45 min. I had read it is a developmental thing and it will pass he should learn to pass throgh it. I don't mind it so much I'm starting to expect it .  Will it pass or is it my job to teach him? He hates pat/shhh. So again how??

I know it's all a bit of a mess isn't it? I originally thought I had tried harder than the average non-BW mum but it seems i've strayed too far from the path please help me get back on track once and for all :cry: .
Some advice would be great please help

[corrina01]

How old is your lo.  I have experienced all 5 of your points and I am still going through 4 of them. I have posted on the board several times and its all developmental.   About the 3am feed, is it dead on 3am.  Try offering the dummy as that what was happening to me, and my lo got through it. I haven't fed my lo in the night for the last 2 weeks now.  She wakes up at 5am partially hungry, but I have to stay in there keep entering the dummy until we get to 7am time to get up.  Hang on in there, it will pass in time.   

[travis's mum]

He will be 13 weeks or 3 months on wednesday. He wakes around 3 depending on how much he drinks of his df if he drinks a little he wakes earlier.

[corrina01]

My lo dropped her night feed around that sort of time.  Try a dummy, then see how long he goes before he is really hungry. My DD sometimes wants a feed at 4.30am and then goes back to sleep, but I try not to make every night as she will come to expect it.  How much does he take at DF?  My lo only takes 4oz at DF.  She takes a total of about 22oz - 28oz including the DF.

What time does he go to bed.  If it is any earlier than 7pm you can expect to wake up at 6am. My lo goes to bed between 7pm - 7.30pm. My lo always wakes at 5am, but I soon settle her to sleep, she keeps waking up every 45 mins till 7am.  This is all developmental.  I posted on the sleep board, and the moderator said that 0-3 months they have to develop their night time sleep, and 3-6 months they develop their daytime sleep.

I look forward to xmas when she is 6 months old and has the ability to put her dummy in her mouth, and sleeps well (hopefully    )

[scarletts mum]

Hi there

First of all I just wanted to say things arent a mess, these are all things that  just seem to happen and you will get through them, you are doing a great job!!

I am a first time mum myself here and can only go on my own experiences, but I have gone through all of what you have listed.

1. The dummy - if it works now to get to sleep then honestly, just go with it.  Scarlett used it for about the first three months and she just gradually got to the stage where we put her down and she goes to sleep without it anymore.  It really is just a time thing... we would quite often be in and out of her room 4 or 5 times putting it back in and she eventually matured into independant sleep.  We kept the same routine and she learnt.

2. Again in the night, we would feed her, in the dark (I just used to open the curtains and use the streetlight) I never spoke a word to her and put her straight back down to sleep and we wouldnt go back in unless she really cried.  When I would just pat shush her in her cot and then leave.  It is just another thing where routine and consistency pay off.  One thing we did do was put her on hungry baby milk.. not because she was guzzling lots of food, but because she was such a tiny baby she could only get a certain amount in her tummy so it was more about a slight thicker consistency to lie on her tummy a bit longer.  This worked like a dream.. I dont know what milk you use but we changed from SMA Gold to a pre-biotic milk Aptamil, which suits her digestive system much better.

3.  Scarlett seemed to wake at 3.00am for ages, then she went to 4.30 and then back to 2.00am for what seemed like an age!!  This was a factor in putting her on thicker milk and she does sleep through now and has done since about 3.5 months.  You will know if your lo doesnt need it because they wont seem very interested in it. But if they are still finishing the bottle then you know they need it.  There are lots of different ways to wean them off the night feed, but I would say that at the minute you lo will still need those calories.

One thing I did do was just drop the dream feed, Scarlett would only take 1.5/2oz max at this feed and it wasnt worth the tiredness involved in staying up to do it.  After a couple of dodgy nights (which involved using the dummy) she soon started going from 7.30pm to 3.00am..

4.  Not sure on the extended wake up time.. Scarlett wakes up at 7.00am naturally which is fine.. she may sleep longer as she gets older.  You could try treating it as a night feed and giving her a bottle as you would at 3.00am and then putting her straight back down again??

5.  45 minute naps have been a nightmare for me!! Scarlett is four months now and the only way I can get her to sleep for longer than 45 mins during the day is putting her in her pram.. for some reason i think the enclosed space just appeals to her and it works..!! I still use independant sleep, no rocking etc, but it really is a developmental thing and one of those things you do just have to ride out..But it will happen!!  Scarlett didnt respond to pat/shush at all... as soon as I go into her room she is all smiles and is wide awake as she thinks its playtime..

Anyway, you are doing just brilliantly... everything you have said is just perfectly normal.  I found that I had to just take step back and take each day as it comes before I turned into neurotic first time mummy!!

Let me know how you get on!

Take care
Lizzie

[travis's mum]

Hi Lizzie
Thank you so much for your reply. It really put my mind at rest it's nice to here from someone who has recently been in the same situation, just knowing it's not me who is steering the boat off corse, and it is just a developmental thing.  I have been staying home and putting some time and effort into the 45min naps. Which means Travis is getting the sleep he needs throughout the day and is not getting overtired. Fingers crossed he will gro out of them soon as they are very time consuming to say the least some times it takes me 30min to get him back to sleep :?

I think your right about the night feed he does still need it as the time is starting to vary and he does at times drink alot of it.  I think I will deal with his wake up time and the time change first and in a couple of weeks re-asses his night time feed. :wink:   

Will keep in touch thanks for your support and encouragment.

Natalie x

[travis's mum]

By the way corrina01, I counted how many oz my LO eats, somewhwere between25-28 so i do think he is almost ready to drop his night time feed.  I can't wait, I too hope it works out intime for christmas.  I will give it a go soon.  Fingers crossed :wink: Thanks for the reply.

[scarletts mum]

Hi Natalie...

I know exactly what you mean about time consuming!!  Sometimes Scarlett takes an age to get back to sleep.. and when she doesnt go back off it then takes all your time to distract a very grumpy overtired baby!!!

There are lots of ways I have heard to wean off the night feed, my favourite is reducing the feed by half an oz each night so its a gradual process and they dont really notice what is happening (in theory!!).

My brother used this method with his son and it worked a treat.

We did have a little success this morning, Scarlett woke after 45 mins and I was in the middle of struggling with the ironing pile so didnt get to her straight away and she settled herself and went back to sleep..!!  Of course it doesnt pay to get too excited about these things!!

Take care

Lizzie

[corrina01]

I agree totally with scarletts mum.  You will get there eventually. My lo was 17 weeks yesterday. I had to take her to the drs, as well, yesterday as she has conjucvitis (mispelled I think) and she had her 3rd lot of jabs as well.  She was as good as gold yesterday, but today she is a right little madam.  We all go through are good days and bad days.  The good days makes up for the bad days ten fold.  Hang in there