Teresa,
You are so very encouraging to others that I know you have the strength in you to do what you want to do. Not to mention overcoming all the challenges and crap from your ex -- you are an amazing woman.
Here's what we did... Arwyn also slept with us and used to nurse to sleep too. When I made the decision to move her to her room, we did it in several phases. First, she would be put down to sleep in her own crib by DH. If she woke, I would BF her and put her in the futon (in her room) with me to sleep the rest of the night. It sounds like you have something you could sleep on in Kaitie's room, right? We did this for a good long while.
Then, I started to dreamfeed. Once I dreamfed, I was reassured that if she woke less than 3 hours from the dreamfeed, I could pat her back to sleep in her own crib. I still fed her each time she woke up, provided they were at least 2.5 hrs to 3 hours apart. After BFing, she would go back in her crib the first time, for the second, she would sleep with me. Don't worry about 2 BFs during the night, that sounds bang on to me for Kaitie's age. The next step was to BF and put her in her crib for the second time. Eventually, we got it done over the course of 2-3 weeks. I think I could have done it faster but I didn't want to go any faster.
Arwyn was also held for all her naps during the day. So... I started putting her down in her crib for naps as well. If she stayed down, that was fine but I ended up doing pu/pd and pat/shush for over 2 weeks before she would stay asleep. I did this the same time as moving her to her crib at night.
I know it is very difficult to hear Kaitie cry... I can't stand to hear Arwyn cry and I don't have the history you do. You are doing a great job and take care of yourself too. 2 hours of pat/shush is a long time but Kaitie will cry because she doesn't know what the new way to go to sleep is and it is a learning process for her.
If your DH is up for it, try what Tracy says in the book and take 2 nights on and 2 nights off. This will give you some time and rest. Explain to your DH that Kaitie is associating sleep with pacifying on mommy, so he needs to help you both to get through it. This will pass, Kaitie is very young so it shouldn't take more than a week if you want to do it all at once.
Everything in moderation works for me. Do only what you think you can handle at any one time. Set your goal and then break it down into manageable chunks that you feel comfortable with.
I hope this helps. Good luck with everything. Let me know how it goes.
