Please critique EASY technique and offer help

[redmtq]

We have a 5 mos. old daughter.  Naps and night have been horrible.  One night last week she cried 7 times, so we have been trying to get through all of the BabyWhisperer book while at the same time putting it to use.  This is day 5 of implementing EASY.  She has not seemed at all to mind switching to 4 hr. feeds, so we did that right away and that part has gone well.  Here is what today looked like:

7:00  awakened on her own, E
7:30  A
8:30  spend 1/2 hr. getting her to sleep for nap
9:00  S
9:15  awake, try to put back to sleep without success until 10:30
11:00  E
11:30  A
12:40  S (she fell asleep on the way upstairs to bed, I think because she was just so tired without am sleep)
1:15  awake, try to get back to sleep
1:45  S till 3
3:00   awoke on her own, E
5:00  Try for catnap without success
6:20  Ready for bed, E, S
6:40  S
I will dream feed at 10:30 tonight. 

Here are my questions

1.  If she only sleeps for 15 minutes of her nap time, do I spend the entire rest of the 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. trying to get her back tro sleep?  At what point do I get her up?
2.  Any ideas for what to do with my 2 3/4 year old while I am spending what adds up to hours each day at my baby's bedside?
3.  How do I reconcile the fact that I am supposed to aim for getting her to sleep on a pretty regimented time schedule just during this time of implementation, but I can tell that she is sleepy prior to nap time (like this am she was cranky and ready to go by about 8:15)?  If I put her down when she acts ready, it seems to throw off the whole rest of the day.  For instance, because she really didn't nap this am, she was so ready for sleep at 11:45, but I kept her up until it was time for the afternoon nap.
4.  She spends the whole time that she should be catnapping crying, so she doesn't get one, and then by the time I get to the bedtime routine and feed, she basically passed out because she is exhauseted from crying/poor napping all day--so much for going to bed awake and learning to get herself to sleep.  What to do?
5.  Is it ever OK to not do PU/PD and just stay right with her the whole time giving verbal reassurance and keeping our hand on her?  We tried PU/PD the first day but noticed that she never stopped crying after being picked up, even after several min. and then when she was put down she screamed even more.  It seemed like maybe picking her up was stimulating her and so we have just been staying right with her while she cries, but she is still really upset.  Should we do PU/PD or can we do it the way we have been going about it?

I realize that this is a very long post, but we are desperate for change and are looking for guidance in the process.  Please give any ideas/critiques you have as we would so appreciate it.

Thank you,

Cathy

[Deb_in_oz]

Hi Cathy,

It is great that you are trying to implement EASY with your 5 mo old.  Please know that it is a guide and not a strict schedule.  the MAIN points of easy are 1) to get to know your child so that you can implement the BW techniques effectively and 2) to keep to the order of events as much as possible so Eat, Activity time, Sleep, etc

Therefore, when your daughter was tired by 8:15 you could put her down then - watching and learning when this "window" happens is a key to success so well done that you recognized it, now you just need to trust your instincts.  By keping her up that bit longer it set you up for a difficult morning - her overtiredness is what led to it taking a half hour to help her to sleep and also led to a restless sleep..

A few tips:
 :arrow: try to establishh what temperment your daughter is (spirited, touchy, etc) as this will also help you adapt BW techniques to her
 :arrow: usually (not always) A time increases through the day so it is normal for a lot of babies to go down sooner for their first nap than other naps.  so as an example for a 5 mo old - she might have A time of 1 - 1 1/2 hrs from first waking, then have A time of 1 1/2 - 2 hrs from end of first nap to start of second nap, then have A time of 2 hrs before catnap GUIDE ONLY - you have to get to know what yoiur daughter can handle for A time and then still go down for naps happily
 :arrow: if you miss a window for sleep and have to settle an overtired baby - pat/shh can be effective for calming her down and settling her to sleep.  you can use pat/shh or PU/PD depending on which you find your daughter responds to - even at 8 mo i still use pat/shh with olivia because it is less stimulating for her than picking her up out of the cot over and over, etc
 :arrow: when she misses a nap for whatever reason - like what happened yesterday am - you need to get her back on track by getting her to eat and get her to nap agai - not necessarily keeping her up unitl "it was TIME for her afternoon nap" in this case i would have put her down after a very short A time so that she would hopefully be tired but not exhausted and then she could hopefully do a big nap to compensate for the am nap.   by keeping her up even longer she is too overtired to sleep beyond the 45 min. 

this is where the flexibility of EASY plays in - don't worry and think she can't go down for a nap because of a schedule - you observe and adjust  to the way your day progresses.  some days are better than others - don't worry about following set times as your daughter adjusts to EASY - aim to get her to sleep without eating, teaching her to settle herself, etc and it will fall into place.

with short naps i would try for 45 min to resettle and extend naps during the early stages of getting her used to napping better - eventually i would switch to trying for 20 min.  always allow your daughter a chance to resettle herself if she is stirring or grizzling a little.  intervene when necessary.

HTH

[redmtq]

Debra,

Thank you for writing back.  I appreciate it so much as I am very frustrated and at my wits end and so am thankful to know that someone is listening!

I definately feel like I should put DD down when I think she needs to go to sleep, but am conflicted by what it says on p.43 of the new book:

"As you read through the plan you might be suprised to see that I tell you to follow the suggested times pretty rigidly, whereas I have repeatedly told you not to go by the clock.  For the purpose of this retraining period only, you have to be somewhat of a clock watcher and far more inflexible than I would usually recommend.  Once your baby is on a structured routine, it won't matter if you veer half an hour one way or the other.  But at first, try to stick to the times I advise"  If I put her down when I think she needs it, I think we are going to have a hard time aiming for feeds every 4 hours, not every 3.

On p. 45 Tracy says that by day 5, "you should have smooth sailing".  I am loosing hope because we are on day 6 and are very far from anything that resembles smooth sailing.  Last pm she was up 3 times and the last time she cried for 1 1/2 hrs.  I know she is healthy and there are not medical reasons for this.  It is very discouraging.  I am wondering what we are doing wrong.  Hmm.....

Thank you so much for "listening" as I makes me feel better just to know that someone besides my husband and I are thinking about this issue.

Any further help you can offer would be appreciated.

Cathy

[Deb_in_oz]

ok - Cathy I went to the book and read that whole part of the book about implementing EASY over 4 months etc and noticed a few things

1.  has your dd ever been on any routine?  i think Tracy expects people trying to get on EASY later in the game to be stricter/clock watchers if their lo has been on no  routine and been feeding to sleep, other props, no regular napping etc.

2.  about the fact that you are on day 6 and feel like she expected it to be "smooth sailing" by day5... note in the box on p. 43 that she says for a 4-9mo old it is ESTIMATED to take "2 days of observing and  3-7 days of reprogramming their day and night" she also says some babies take less or more time.  give yourself, Dh and dd a break and focus on the progress you are making without worrying about deadlines...

3. on p. 44  she mentions "start to put your baby down for her morning nap around 20 minutes before you actually want her to, say around 8:15 ".  your lovely daughter was right on schedule - isn't that funny!  she must have read the book and paid attention.  relax and listen to her too! even keep the book handy for reference while you are doing the transition if necessary but better to watch her ( although Tracy created this book to give everyone a version of a consultation, she would adapt to each client's child and that is what you have to do since you don't have a private consult happening KWIM?)

how did today go??

i think if you get the day off to a good start you can get a better idea of the whole picture because then you have a better chance of working with a semi-rested child which is easier than one who misses a nap....

tell me how today went and we will see about getting you on track.

Deb