I'm doing this all wrong!

[deenz]

Hi,  my dd#2 will be 4wks old on Friday.  I thought I would start EASY straight away and have things all under control by now, but boy was I wrong!  Nothing I'm doing is 'right'!  I find it extremely difficult to get her to sleep during the day.  And I'm not even trying to teach her to sleep.  I'm just doing anything I can to get her to sleep (rocking the basinet mostly).  This very often does not work, and then I will hold her, or end up feeding her again.  Even taking her for a walk in the stroller doesn't always work!  Also, car rides do not always send her off to sleep.  I am thankful at night it is much easier - she is either asleep from the feed, or a few rocks of the basinet do the trick! 

Isn't it meant to be easier than this??

By the way, I also have a 20 month old to look after!

Should I be worried about the 'accidental' parenting I'm doing?

Should I be waking her at the same time every morning?  Or not yet?

Is it ok to have her sleep on me/DH in the evenings (this is often the only way she'll sleep/stay calm)?

Am I expecting too much at this early stage??!!

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

I think at this stage you go into survival mode and do what you need to do.  Is it likely that she has reflux?  I'd totally rule out some sort of pain related issue before embarking on sleep training if you're having as many troubles settling as what you are. 

Also, I'm a big advocate of cranial osteopathy on newborns, would you consider seeing one to rule out a stiff neck or back left over from the pregnancy and birth?

[Deb_in_oz]

i was in the same boat - 19 mo age gap between 1 and 2. olivia was alert from day 1 so getting her to nap was a challenge after the first week. we rocked the basinette, i cried a lot, we lost a lot of time to stressing about getting her to sleep.

what i can say is this - do what you have to for now and don't worry about accidental parenting - as long as you think about what AP you want to do  :wink:  so if she is happy sleeping on you in the evening and you are comfortable knowing that you will have to (?) go through a transition later on then that should be fine (that transition could be easy or it could be difficult - you decide if you want to "risk" it and move on, if you want to deal with it later that is your choice - i think of it as "intentional accidental parenting"). she is still so little and figuring out how to parent 2 kids is very draining.

start watching her as much as possible and figure out what type she is - we knew olivia was spirited but did not realize that she had no/subtle sleep cues so we could wait all day for a bloody yawn and then try to put her down and she would be overtired.  took 7 weeks to get her napping regularly -

don't think you "should" have anything specific sorted by 4 weeks.  you are settling into the 2 kids thing and learning how to manage dd2, and balance their needs ( at 8 mo i still struggle with this one).  give yourself a break and try to find your feet. 

as far as waking her the same time - i found at that age i just set a "latest" time for waking (for us it was 8:30), that reduced as she got older and there was more of a routine to fit in (ie certain number of naps) at 4 weeeks just get through however many cycles of EASY you have in a day....