eat at day care, but no at home

[pluie]

My ds (13 mo) is going to day care 5 days a week from oct to nov. He has major eating problem, he seems to hate everything I offer him. So I was very worried before sending him to the day care. However, the staff there told me my ds is perfectly fine at eating.... he even screams to get people to feed him faster. I was totally surprised!!

When he's home, he's back to his normal self!!  He protests so strongly that he doesn't even want to try a single bite. I know we shouldn't force our toddlers to eat, but he's not even had one bite... should I just stop there and let him starve?  But it's like he's never hungry when he's home!! If I let him self-feed, he just plays with the food or pushes the plate away. So feeding him has now become a very stressful event for me. I'm at the end of my rope!!

[Tamara]

From MY personal experience of day care - I 'm not sure I believe them when they tell me DD has eaten all her luch or has eaten 'x' 'y' 'z', sometimes I think that they half make it up, well, they have lots to look after and toddlers do share food/spill an awful lot.  So firstly, I would take what the nursery say with a pinch of salt!  :wink: Because they're saying he's eating everything there, you're expecting the same at home, and that's causing stress.  I honestly believe that he probably isn't eating as much/well as you're led to believe

Secondly, how exactly are you going to 'force' him to eat??  You might succeed in gettin the food in his mouth (after many tears, struggles and stress) but how are you going to ensure that he chews and swallows it??   I'll leave that one to you to think over!

If you were to do this, You will create SUCH stress around mealtimes, and you'll get nowhere.

Offer the food.  Give some bits that he can self fee (finger food or his own spoon) and then you have a spoon and offer some food too.  If he doesn't take it - take the food away, wipe his hands and mouth and that's that. 

Ther's nothing else you can do. 

he WILL NOT starve !!!!!! HONEST!

Adults have this idea of how much food a baby/toodler/child should eat - maybe they're wrong, be guided by your baby.

Offer HEALTHY snacks in between - who cares at 13 months if he only eats snacks all day and not '3 square meals'???  Does it really matter as long as he's getting healthy nutrition as some point throughout the day??

Please, post back if you want more specific advice 

[pluie]

Thanks Tamara! It's comforting to read your message.

I guess my ds is really doing fine at day care, because he has significant weight gain that I couldn't make him achieve when I took care of him at home. I've also seen him being fed and he's totally a different person. I admit that I did force him to eat before (coercing, distracting)... so I wonder if he has negative experience eating at home...    If so, will he ever get over this painful experience if I stop forcing him now? Perhaps it's my own problem rather than my ds's.

Since my ds is small and thin (below 3th percentile), I always feel I can't afford him losing more weight. So I just can't stand if he rejects food right at the beginning or after a few bites. I did offer him fingerfood and let him self-feed, but he usually eats out of novelty, then he'll quickly stop eating when novelty wears down... so it's usually not more than 5 bites.

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Are our children twins separated at birth?  :wink: Same problem.  Megan won't eat for us, but (apparently!) eats great at daycare.  I notice she also tends to eat better when we're at restaurants with friends who have kids, so maybe it's the peer pressure aspect too?  I've been trying to mimic some of the foods they give her at daycare too (they give us a menu) and sometimes that helps.  But from what I've read lately, as long as you go with the flow and your kid is healthy, they'll probably get what they need, spread out over the week, even if a few meals are pitiful!  :roll:

[jbepko]

My DD hugs the bottom of the growth curve and doesn't like to eat...the world is just too interesting. She is a better eater at school- probably b/c that's what all her friends do....but it is stressful to get "Ella didn't eat today" notes. I try not to battle. I try not to waste my energy on coaxing her. (I say...I try). I fix her one dinner and if she doesn't eat...too bad until morning. She lets me know when she is thirsty and hungry outside of meal times. I try to get good nutrition in....a hopeless battle since she is also a very, very, very picky eater. She usually eats one good meal every 2 or three days....this morning she ate nearly 3 pancakes- that's probably all until Tuesday breakfast!! :roll:

[wren]

I had the same situation with DS, and my care giver does not mix words when there is a problem so I know she is not lying.
I figured it was the environment, competition with the other kids. If "J" ate 2 pieces of cheese DS wanted 2 pieces of cheese.