Thanks everyone but..

[cymonguk]

4 weeks old and we are starting to cope a little better, however we are still having some problems with her sleeping.

Phoebe will goto sleep about 11:30-12pm at night.

She will usually wake up at 6am or there abouts for a feed, I change her then my wife feeds her, she will sleep for a couple of hours maybe, then wake up at 8:45. She is then awake all day pretty much till about 3-4pm, she constantly wants to feed, and be held, she is obviously shattered, and we try to get her off but the only way she will sleep is in her sling or by feeding or feeding to sleep in our bed at night. She nods off at 4pm and will usually wake up at 7pm, staying awake till we go to bed.

However my wife cannot let her cry, as soon as she does she will feed her, she knows it isn't right, but says she cant listen to her crying, i can and normally she will goto sleep for me in my arms or in her sling after 5-10 mins of whining, but I have only done it a few times as my wife cannot seem to escape the crying, and there is no point asking her to leave the house, etc.

We have tried spotting the signs for her tiredness, but when we do because she cant sleep in any other way than nursing or in the sling, we seem to miss it.

Can anyone advise

[Aarismom]

At 4 weeks night sleep is still working itself out and sleep is going to be all over the place, both of you can take a breather It's great to see a dad on the boards!!

Right now it's best to do what you can to get her to sleep.  If you have better luck getting her to sleep, then I might suggest you be the one to put her down as much as you can. 4 week olds usually feed every 2-3 hours (2 for the most part if your wife is bf'ing). It's always a good idea for dad to get involved with nap and bedtime when plausable, because as soon as they smell the milk mommy has, it's feeding time as far as they are concerned. Dad's usually have better luck.

When she gets to be 6-8 weeks and starts sleeping longer at night, then you can really start sleep training. Right now you just want to focus on getting her as rested as possible, sometimes that means feeding to sleep if nothing else works, or even swinging, rocking, etc. Just be aware that they will become props eventually, and you'll have to take a few days to break the habit. Luckily babies can easily change habits within 3-4 days until about 6 months old (assuming you're consistant with changing the habit). You can start on EASY now, but you might have some difficulty until night sleep rhythms are established. If you can avoid feeding to sleep, that's one less prop you need to worry about later.

Things to remember: babies her age can only stay up about 30-45 mins at a time. That includes feeding and a diaper change, then it's back to bed until the next feeding. Keep trying to get her to sleep for 40 mins, if it doesn't help, take a break for 20 mins, try again for another 30-40 mins, then feed and try again. Her crying a lot is probably due to her being overtired and not able to fall asleep easily.  It's important to keep the feeding schedule. Don't be afraid to use a pacifier...another prop you'll have to break eventually, but it will really help her get to sleep right now. A lot of infants get rid of the paci at around 3 months, when they have enough control over their arms that they can get to their fingers.

Hope something in this helps!!

*HUGS*
Sonya =P

[cymonguk]

Thanks for the reply, I have to say I read the first book by Tracey, and my wife has only read some elements due to being so busy/tired. Unfortunately I work during the day so I cant help her all the time, especially during the day when it seems most difficult for her.

One thing I still dont understand with EASY is that Tracey states "its not a schedule and not use times" but then mentions making sure you feed them etc at the same time, maybe I have misunderstood that part.

Phoebe will sometimes feed for 1hr maybe more, but we are certain some of this is due to her being tired.

We tried last night to put her in her bassinet after her tea time feed, she was quite happy, as usual, to sit and coo at the toy above her head, then she got grumpy and screamed, resulting in my wife feeding her to sleep.

She is a spirited baby so getting her to do anything she doesnt like is going to be a struggle in the future!

Im sure when she can get her finger more consistently she will be much happier, she will occasionally take her paci, but not often, and she loves trying to get her fingers in her mouth (in fact when she was born it was the first thing she did , unfortunately because her nails are long and sharp, she would scratch herself to pieces so we have to cover her hands up.

[GG]

So sorry that this went unanswered for so long!

The fact that your wife can't listen to your baby cry is a problem.  You need to try to get her to understand how very natural it is for a baby to cry.  It's the only way that your baby can communicate to you what she needs.  Babies cry because their diaper is wet.  They cry because they are hungry, or tired, or even bored.  Sometimes they cry because they are frustrated (I'm sure your wife has wanted to scream out loud at something that has cause frustration to her - like traffic maybe?).  She really needs to try to not let the crying get to her (and make sure to rule out PPD as a problem for your wife).  This is something that she really needs to understand, otherwise there's no way that the BW methods can be put into effect, especially for a spirited baby.

The third BW book discusses the different parenting styles and how it can cause problems for clashing personalities (certain styles of parenting clash with certain baby personalities).  Sometimes understanding that may help as well.

If you are able to deal with the crying, you may need to take a day off of work and have a long weekend where you do some sleep training.  Your baby is used to being rocked to sleep, so you will need to teach her another way to sleep.  She will cry because she's not used to it and it will confuse her, but you need to be strong.  If your wife can't handle the crying, don't let her do any of the training (though it will be a problem later as there will be growth spurts and milestones that will throw things off).  She is young enough, though so that you can do the training in as little as 3 days.

Regarding the schedule/routine... Tracy gives sample schedules and suggests that you try to keep to them roughly.  The most important thing is that a baby has a routine and knows what to expect when she wakes up.

HTH

[Katet]

I can totally empathise with your wife about the crying, I hated to hear my ds#1 cry & would do ANYTHING to stop it.
When my ds#2 came along I had found BW & because of my experiences with crying with #1, I was prepared to learn what the crys meant... now my ds#2 is 5.5mo & you know he hardly ever crys... why because after learning what his crys meant as a very small baby I started to learn what the signs were before the crys & so I worked out that when he was hungry he coughed & when he was tired he whinged & when he was bored he whines.
Now from my experiences with #1 & #2, I would say learning to cope with the crying now will save a lot of anxiety stress & all manner of things as your lo gets older & trust me if she feeds her every time she crys, she isn't going to get any less tired as you will have a baby that wakes every sleep cycle... so every 45mins... yes I had that!

I am a great one for looking at things from a different angle... maybe try this to show your wife about the crying... have a big bag of chocolates or favourite snack food. Sit down with her & ask her to start talking about your daughter... every time she says your dd's name, or she or the baby or reference to her - put the chocolate (or other treat in her mouth)... by the time you do it twice, she will probably ask why you are doing it... so you can explain that it is like what she is doing to your dd, she is offering food everytime your dd trys to communicate with her. Does that make sense. That way she will get a feel of how your lo might be reacting. Hopefully that will then open the door for you to be able to communicate to her about what you have learnt from reading the BW book & then she can learn to see the crying as your baby communicating her needs rather than my baby is crying, I need to feed her & if my baby crys I am doing something wrong or I'm a bad mother!