Co-sleeping

[maricar]

I just started EASY, pat/sh, PU/PD with my 6-month old.  Before that we used to co-sleep all the time and I loved it.  Since starting, he's always put into his crib.  Does co-sleeping fit into the BW method at all?  I'm glad he's finally sleeping in his crib but I miss sleeping with him, even if it just happens once in a while.

Maricar

[branwen]

This is a toughy...I must say that I think that Tracy does not advocate this from her books.   I too long for those cuddle times that I used to have with my dd at my side but the benefits of her sleeping on her own, for me personally, far outweighed my need to nap with her. 

However, I do that Leah's Mom does occassionally still co-sleep in the am with her dd and she makes in work.  You can try to PM her about how it has fit into their routine.  Tell her I sent you her way

[maricar]

thanks branwen... i kind of figured as much but just wanted to check.  i will pm leah's mom though to find out how she works it out.  thanks again.

[Mommyslc4]

See Pages 171-172 of Tracy's first book.  It really articulates her take quite well.  Referring to co-sleeping, she says "... If ... these practises work for you, for your baby, for your lifestyle, then by all means stick with it.  The trouble is, the people who call upon me for help [basically started down this path, and couldn't see it through ...]"

What she seems against (and encourages pre-empting) is parents starting with co-sleeping (without thinking it through)--then suddenly deciding they don't like it after a few months.  Sadly, this happens a lot.  And, it forces sudden, dramatic changes on little babies that are unfair and avoidable.

So, if at 6 months, everyone is happy with co-sleeping, don't change it.  I think you can still definately benefit from the BW insights.

[Mommyslc4]

One more quote from the book ...

"Start as you mean to go on.  If you're initially attracted to the notion of shared sleeping, think it through.  Is this how you want it to be 3 months from now? Six months? Longer?  Remember that everything you do teaches your baby.  Therefore, when you put him to bed by ... rocking for 40 minutes, in effect you're instructing him.  You're saying, 'This is how you get to sleep.'  Once you go down that road, then you'd better be prepared to cuddle and rock him for a long, long time"

[maricar]

thanks...

i was happy co-sleeping... the problem was the time between ds went to sleep and the time dh & i went to bed.  during that time, ds would wake up anywhere between 20 min. and 1 1/2 hr. after falling asleep again... sometimes up to 5 times or more within that stretch.  so i figured ds needed to learn how to fall & stay asleep independently (he was also being nursed to sleep) which is why we're where we are at today.  thankfully, after a few days, there has been an improvement.  ds has fallen asleep independently at least a few times, other times i'm doing pat/sh & pu/pd.  he also has been napping longer, though not all the time.  needless to say that, there is still a lot of crying that happens.  so i sometimes doubt whether i'm doing the right thing and other times know i am.

anyway, thanks for the response.  i just thought i would explain my situation a little more.  any suggestions are welcome

[Lilah'sMommy]

We started out cosleeping for the first 2 months or so, not so much as a planned thing, but because I would frequently fall asleep during those frequent middle-of-the-night nursings (and I appreciated the sleep-- I don't think I could have survived without it).  At about 2 months, we moved Lilah back to her crib after feeds, because we noticed she wasn't sleeping as well, and we weren't either.  The first night was rough, but it was smooth sailing thereafter (at least in respect to the crib-- we later developed other unrelated issues).  And after a couple weeks of always sleeping in her crib at night, we were able to swaddle her and put her down to nap and have her just go to sleep on her own (before she would need to sleep on our chests to nap).  Anyway, the end result is that she can't sleep with us at all.  We've gone camping without a Pack-n-Play and it was a disaster.  Lilah was like "what are you doing in my bed!?!"  But having her able to sleep and fall asleep on her own is so good for our sanity that we'll put up with the little sacrifice of not having her sleep with us.  But yes, it sure was cozy.  One thing we did was after she was up for the morning but we didn't have to get up and moving yet (like on the weekend), we would take her into our bed and cuddle and play with her.  It helps a little with missing those cosleeping days.

[maricar]

thanks for the tip... sounds like a good idea.  i think we'll try that.

[kendallnangie]

Hi,
I kinda have a dumb question I guess... :oops:
how do you cosleep? I can't imagine sleeping as much as a baby does?!  At the end of the day does everyone go to bed at the same time?
Sorry I am just curious....its midnight for me and all my kids have been in bed for hours!!
no help from me...except to say that I don't see ever having freedom if it something to be done long term :?
Angie
to clarify...by freedom I mean taking showers, cooking dinner...you know just the everyday stuff that Mommies go through.

[maricar]

someone correct me if i'm wrong... but co-sleeping is just sleeping in bed with your baby.  i don't think it necessarily means being in bed with baby the entire time he/she is sleeping otherwise, you're right, you'd never get anything done.   in fact that's what one of my initial problems was... ds couldn't sleep well between 7 or 8 until midnight when dh & i would finally go to bed.  hope this clarified things

[Mommyslc4]

Hi ... I'm answering your question from a little different angle--but, thought it might be interesting. 

As I understand it, all the research on benefits of co-sleeping define it as sleeping in the same room as the infant (this includes baby in crib 10 feet away, baby in bed-side sleeper, and baby in bed ...).  So, all the research on bonding, needed stimulation from parent sleeping noises, phermones (bla bla bla ...), etc ... applies to any situation where parent/infant are in the same room.

So, even if you had a bed-side cradle--or crib in the same room--that would be considered co-sleeping and yields the same benefits as actually sleeping in the same bed. 

I've always found it interesting that co-sleeping advocates define co-sleeping as sleeping in the same bed--but, the research they tout to support it defines co-sleeping as sleeping in the same room (not necessarily the same bed).

Again, I know I'm answering from a different angle than you asked--but, thought the research info might be of interest.

[branwen]

My understanding of co-sleeping was that you share the same sleep "space".  This can mean a bed or different beds in the same room...it really depends on your views.

There are some misconceptions about co-sleeping I think and some of them relate to breastfeeding since this can go hand-in-hand sometimes...with the attachment style of parenting co-sleeping is encouraged.

I just want to say that IMO it is not wrong to co-sleep.  It just can be harder to transition into separate sleep spaces later on in the baby's life.  It just depends on personal comfort with the practice I think.