6 week

[cymonguk]

well last night we let her feed to sleep for her wake up morning feed, then this morning we needed to bath her, so after her bath we remembered there was some milk in a pot that dw had expressed, however whilst waiting for it phoebe decided she wanted to cuddle on my shoulder and with a minute or so of shh/pat she was nodding, so i gave her the two oz (we arent expressing much so every drop is precious, and we had defrosted), and recuddled her and she has gone back off, my wife has got more done, she did say again she felt redundant  :cry: but trying to explain that fts isnt good for her either.

I feel terrible in some ways for breaking a bond, but happy my wife can now have a shower/do hair/etc and feel human

[Jaime]

from the wife's perspective... i never felt "redundant" so to speak, but always jealous & frustrated when dh could get them to calm down & i couldn't.  still do  :oops:

maybe keep reassuring her that phoebe absolutely still loves & adores her & needs her.  also remind her how much better she feels after she showers.  and remind her how you like to see her feeling happier & more human.  and give her a hug.

just a thought  :wink:

[Deb_in_oz]

you are doing so great.

please make sure Karen understands that this is only 1 part of Phoebe's development and such an early / sleepy stage - there is so MUCH more that she will need from her - over the next few months the fun begins and Phoebe wil look to her for love, nurturing, stimulation, showing her the world, etc - she will be her primary (not sole, Dad  :wink:) guide in this world ona day-to-day basis . Right now it is important for you all that Karen gets a break too so she has the energy to take care of herself and Phoebe!

it is great that you recognize that this is part of what has probably been holding Karen back - but she and you are both doing awesome! andlike Jaime my Dh always had better luck with olivia and persnally i felt like a bit of a failure at times.

BTW - you are also right in how you differentiated the cries/whinges you were mentioning to Karen - it is totally normal to fuss and make lots of noise as they let go and try to sleep - especially spirited babies (they seem to need to do this more to relase the energy... before resting)

[lulah'smum]

Wow... the early days... I can really sympathise with you guys. I've only scratched the surface with the posts here, I haven't read all of them, but you three sound very much like us. We had a baby who seemed to detest sleeping in the early days and cried most of the time bc she was so exhausted and didn't know how to settle herself into sleep. I constantly fed her until I realised she wasn't hungry at all, just another tired sign. We were ALL exhausted. Luckily for your wife and I, we have really supportive husbands. But he had his freak out moments too!

I also remember when Tallulah had good days, I would think, yay! she's finally learning to sleep and things are only going to get better/easier from here!... Only to find she would snap straight back into having BAD days again. It felt like she was torturing me. You feel like you're doing everything you can for this little soul, so why on earth would they be so unhappy all the time??

If you or your wife would like to PM me, please do so. I know what it's like to feel that there's no end to it all. But it does get much easier, it just takes a while. I won't sugarcoat things and say "you just have to do this and your problems will be fixed". With sensitive little babies it takes a lot of time and patience.

HTH xxx

[cymonguk]

Twice today I have got her to sleep without feeding, she has slept much longer today and I am sure this is a big part of it.

Phoebe actually seems to need something different during the day, as she will suckle on Karen for ages without sleeping, yet if picked up by me and pat/shhed she is asleep in 15 mins max. Phoebe seems to moan at first calms right down, and then just before she drops off whines for a 10 seconds.

Again thanks for the support and the ideas in getting Karen to understand that she shouldnt think of her not being any use, and she needs to save her energy.

I know people may disagree with this bit  :? but I have suggested that she can if she feels it is better feed to sleep some of the time, but that the fact she now has another option surely is a good thing, and she seems to agree that having the option is a good thing. Hopefully she will see that Phoebe sometimes prefers to be fed to sleep (mainly at night for wakeup feed), and other times she does better with shhing.

Had another nightmare today when Karen went to the shops to pick up some lunch when phoebe had gone to sleep. Unfortunately they had closed the bypass for some reason, and diverted everyone, so a 30 min round trip turned into 1.5 hours, after 45 mins Phoebe woke up and screamed the house down for feeding, I only had 1 oz of breast milk in, so I had to phone Karen to find out where she was, and I met her halfway home, Karen was distraught that she had "abandoned" phoebe.


Thanks for all the encouragment

[Deb_in_oz]

I know people may disagree with this bit  but I have suggested that she can if she feels it is better feed to sleep some of the time, but that the fact she now has another option surely is a good thing, and she seems to agree that having the option is a good thing

i hear you!! when olivia was smaller and we were still getting on track (took 4 months for us  :evil: ) sometimes when she owudl not give in and go to sleep i woudk pray that she woudl fall asleeep during the feed and then pray she would stay asleep  :roll:  most of us have been there.  you have made huge leaps and bounds in 1 week - that is awesome!! no one expects a child to go from FTS to independent sleep overnight - gradual is a good way to go and this way everyone is happier!

about the car trip - that too has happened to many of us - just remind her that it was circumstances beyond her control and she should not feel like she did anything wrong.  another example from me - when alex was young (under 3 mo) Dh and i had been out and she was napping in the car so we parked somewhere nice to look at the view, when she woke crying i said "she can't be hungry she's not "due" for food for another hour" so we started home, but not in a rush... got home and when i looked at my EASY log book (my real brain) i saw she had actually been right on time - i just had baby brain.  but my darling lo stoped her hngry cry after a few minutes and i guess she was just patient with me...  No real harm done - she had to wait for her meal, but i did not do it intentionally and Dh made me forgive myself even when i did it another time... :oops:

everyone woudl be able to share stories like these - we are all human and struggling thorugh this together!!


edited to add:

Hopefully she will see that Phoebe sometimes prefers to be fed to sleep (mainly at night for wakeup feed),

if you mean feeds after bedtime feed (ie between 8pm - early morning) then this is when you do feed to sleep without wporrying about it - you want minimal disturbance in the night - just feed, if she falls asleep, burp lightly and put back to bed -    as far as i am aware most people only worry about FTS for daytime feeds

[M&M's Ima]

Wow! I was excited to read your posts, as we're having similar sleeping issues with our six week old. One thing I'm counting on, I read in Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. An infant's brain isn't completely neurologically developed, and don't produce melatonin to calm themselves down. IN other words, tell your wife it isn't her fault if Phoebe screams and can't fall asleep! And often, he writes, agitated sleeplessness and crying reach a peak at  - yes, six weeks, and around three months, it is physiologically easier for a baby to sleep.
Obviously, following all the great advice here will prevent bad habits by that time, but to a certain extent, she should "sort herself out."
Also, another word to your wife - Phoebe smells milk on her, so of course she settles better on you. My husband also has much better luck putting the baby to bed, as he had with our older DS. Some really awful days, I made him stay home just to put him down for his nap!
So glad to see your progress, and ours. It got worse and worse for us too until the six week mark and now it seems a little better - naps this morning!! 

[Mom2katiebug]

Just wanted to add my two cents!  My hubby also seems to have the magic touch with our LO.  When she's especially unsettled, he's the only thing that can calm her.  She just roots and roots all over me and can't stop (and I haven't breastfed her in over 2 weeks). 

I used to feel really bad about it (what's wrong with me?!?), but I quickly came to the conclusion that I'm glad she gets settled and it's not through a method like CIO.

[cymonguk]

Just a quick update:

Saturday Phoebe only fed to sleep at night and had lots of good sleep.

Sunday - Shhh/pat to sleep in the morning, so we went out for lunch (yes we actually left the house  :lol: ), Put phoebe in her car seat asleep and she didnt wake up for 4 and half hours, we actually felt like a couple for the first time in 7 weeks.

She woke up and unfortunately after she started to nod off I nearly collapsed due to a mixture of heat and a thick jumper (its blooming freezin right now!) in the house, so had to put her down which got phoebe so cross .

Sunday night fed to sleep.

Monday - I dont think my wife is ver confident in doing it herself.

I came home and she had slept well even tho it was FTS, so when I cam home I tried to shhh/pat but phoebe was really grumpy and wouldnt go, so bathed her/fed her and off she went, daddy and girl slept for three and a half hours  :wink:

She has gone to bed with mummy now..

We are making small steps, and hopefully dw will feel better about the fussing/moaning having seen me handle it. Phoebe seems to have got use to it, and twice has cuddled herself into my chest when I have picked her up and she is tired, seems she knows what to expect

[cymonguk]

Ohhh quick question any advice on a lo with snuffles? she has had them for a week and hv/dr cant offer anything? She sounds so bad at night and sometimes wakes herself at night

[M&M's Ima]

The only thing you can do is put saline drops, or breast milk in her nose.
It won't prevent her from waking up though, just take care of it when she does.
BTW, if she screams when she's very snuffly, it's probably because when  a baby cries, it's the only time she can breathe through her mouth. I appreciated knowing this when my baby had a cold and was crying. I didn't feel so bad - just knew that was the way he could breathe easier.

[Jaime]

you can also elevate her mattress a bit at one end (put a blanket underneath) and run a humidifier.  that can help the stuff loosen up too.

[cymonguk]

well another week on , and she is still snuffly, although dr has explained its because she has "small" airways, therefore they block easily.

She had her 8 week jabs and screamed like a good'un

She slept in her car seat for 2 hours, woke up fed, nodded off, woke up v smiley (im more in love with her than ever!!), and then decided she wanted daddy snuggles (she puts her head in my shoulder, grips my shirt tight , and nodded off with little shh/pat, now seems to reaaly like , but not sure if this is not a prop better than mommies booby tho...

havent yet gone to put down on her own:( (bad daddy)

rolled over back to front on friday!!! she obviously is bored of us wants to go, and pulls her knees in when on her front!!

[cymonguk]

oh and hv is now sending leaflets on controlled crying what the hell is that?

[Katet]

oh and hv is now sending leaflets on controlled crying what the hell is that?

I think that is a fairly standard response... with my ds#1 (before I found BW) I was given info on methods of "age appropriate CC" to use for my sleep problems.  The thing is it does work, because babies eventually give up exhausted & so hv know that it will provide people with a solution.
The fact that it doesn't really benefit the baby, (except they sleep) & many parents don't like the method is another thing, they just "have to be able to give you something to help you as that is their job & BW type techniques are just a bit to "baby specific" KWIM.