Problems with time it takes to go to sleep

[Luka's Dad]

Hi,

This is my first post here, and I'm sorry that it is along the lines of the millions of first time posts that I've read here so far.  I'm sure the answer to my question is here somewhere, but there are so many posts, it's difficult to find.

Luka is coming up 5 weeks old, and we have been trying the EASY method for the past week or so and it has helped us quite a lot to just identify when he was tired etc.

I was going to post up a big list of questions that have arisen, but having just talked to my wife who is at home with the little one, I thought this question is the most pressing.

Basically, Luka will feed for about an hour, and leave no time for activity before he starts yawning.  This is fine, and we expect it now.  However, putting him to sleep takes on average 45 minutes to an hour.  The last time my wife tried it had just taken an 1.25 hours.  This just seems excessive to me, and is very trying for us both, especially at night.  He is pretty much on a 3 hour cycle, but the putting down time is obviously eating into the time he should be sleeping.   The "put down" experience is usually something along these lines:
We swaddle him (in a miracle blanked), and he starts crying.  We shh/pat for a while until he stops crying (this usually involves some struggling and "head banging" for him to get comfortable in our arms) and appears more settled and put him down in his basket.  (I was putting him on his side and continuing to pat, but my wife says that seems to unsettle him more, so she puts him on his back and just shhs for a while, so I have started to do this as well.)  We continue to shh for a while and usually he will be settled for about 5 minutes then he will start tossing his head from side to side, his feet may start going and he will start crying.  At this point we pick him up and shh/pat again and repeat the whole procedure.  This can go on for the full 45 minutes, or in the worst scenarios, as per this morning, he will appear settled, then his eyes will open and he will just stare for ages, yawning every now and again to remind us that he is still tired, and could we please get him to sleep!  :lol:

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what we can do?  In the book Tracy says to expect about 20 minutes to get them to sleep, but I think we have only had 3 incidents in the past week where it has taken under 45.

Sorry about the long post, and TIA,

Tom

[corrina01]

Don't pick him up, just keep on at the ssshhing.

The head banging and struggling normally is for him to be put in the basket, as my DD has never stayed in my arms while trying to comfort her while she is crying.  I normally swaddle her while she is crying, take her to the cot, while crying, the minute I lay her down, she subsides into fussing and then stops.

 My DD does the head turning and the feet thing, when she is overtired. 

When my DD was only 5 weeks, she fed and then went to bed.  You will find that as they get older their awake time gradually increases.

You are helping him fall asleep, he will get the hang of it.  In a couple of weeks you will think now hes finally tackled this hurdle, then another one will jump in.

You are doing a very good job.   

[Luka's Dad]

Thank you for the speedy response!

Don't pick him up, just keep on at the ssshhing.

Okay.   That's worth trying.

The head banging and struggling normally is for him to be put in the basket

I guess that makes sense.  There have been times when he has settled down more easily if I lie him down on my chest or something.

You are helping him fall asleep, he will get the hang of it.  In a couple of weeks you will think now hes finally tackled this hurdle, then another one will jump in.

That's the thing that keeps me going, knowing that everything we encounter will just be "a phase"

[Jaime]

corrina has given you some great advice, so i just wanted to post a couple helpful links for you:

http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/pat-shush-for-babies-under-3-months-old-vt26672.html

http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/a-special-sleep-interview-with-tracy-hogg-vt451.html

[Maddy's Mum]

Just wanted to add that a dummy may help him get to sleep and is good to use for younger babies - however, don't get caught up in putting it back in when he spits it out...otherwise there is a whole new world of problems there  :wink:

I found a cherry tipped dummy was best for mads when she was little as she could hold it in for as long as she needed.

HTH!
Dee
x

[kzener]

I agree with the above suggestions.

It took me a couple of weeks to teach our little one how to fall asleep.  The key was consistency. I also just changed my mindset that my job for the next few weeks was to teach him this skill.  It was amazing how my frustration subsided when I changed my expectations. Eventually I was able to sit by his crib (out of sight) but be there to help him through the jolts.  I even got through a 400 page book doing this over the couple of weeks.  And just when I was getting to the last 50 pages..poof..he no longer needed my help!  I started to yearn for the opportunity to get back to my book!

Also - I bought the second book - "Baby Whisperer solves all your problems" for some more detailed guidance.

But don't get me wrong..there were still some frustrating times where my husband had to rescue me or I had to rescue him.  Stick with it, it pays off.  (but just in time for another change  :wink: )

[Luka's Dad]

Firstly thanks for all the replies. 

We had a bad 24 hours

Yesterday during the day it was taking over an hour for him to settle, and he was sleeping between 15 minutes and an hour at a time.  In the evening after I got home from work, it didn't get much better.  My DS was obvioulsy tired, but he would scream the house down as soon as he was swaddled, and take ages to settle to the point of not screaming.  After getting him into his basket.  The usual routine would follow, with him appearing to settle for 4 minutes, then either opening his eyes and just looing around whilst yawning, or tossing his head from side to side then starting to cry.  A few times when he did this I tried to continue shh/pat, but invariably his cry got to such a hysterical pitch that I ended up picking him up and jiggling, or my wife fed him.  Sometimes he settled down again without picking him up, but it still took well over an hour to get him to sleep.  I can only gather from lots of other posts that this is pretty normal, but is getting really stressful for all involved.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to calm him down again when he is obvioulsy over tired, and also what can we do when he lies there with his eyes open for ages?  I can hazard a guess that the answer is to keep up with shh/pat, but is there anything else we can be doing?

Thanks,  Tom.

[corrina01]

Is he a sucky baby? Have you tried a dummy like Maddys Mum suggested, it can be soothing, just like mums breast.  I introduced a dummy, when my DD kept crying, and it soon worked.

[Luka's Dad]

Is he a sucky baby? Have you tried a dummy like Maddys Mum suggested, it can be soothing, just like mums breast.  I introduced a dummy, when my DD kept crying, and it soon worked.

I mean to say before actually.  He does seem to be a rather sucky baby, but we tried offering him all sorts of dummies and he just didn't know what to do with them, as they just keep falling out and he doesn't suck on them.  He is breastfed which may have a lot to do with it.

[corrina01]

You can get dummy that are like a mothers nipple, I can't remember what they are called, but they do in my Tesco's.

[MPalmer]

Hi there~

I am in the same boat as you!  I have a 5 1/2 week old and he takes forever to settle also.  We've tried to limit awake time to just breastfeeding and diaper change and it's back to the swaddle...but he just thrashes his head around too and grunts up a storm.  To be honest...we've been holding him until he falls asleep. Then we put him in his bassinet  I know...I know...it's accidental parenting...and I'm not doing a good job teaching him how to fall asleep on his own.  But at 5 1/2 weeks old, my thought is to get in sleep however we can and we can gradually work on putting him down awake.  Otherwise...if we let him be awake for 2 1/2 out of every 3 hour increment...we have a VERY unhappy baby at the end of every day. 
It's been very tough...I KNOW!  I'm just trying to have faith that we'll all work this out SOON!

[Luka's Dad]

Hi there~

I am in the same boat as you!  I have a 5 1/2 week old and he takes forever to settle also.  We've tried to limit awake time to just breastfeeding and diaper change and it's back to the swaddle...but he just thrashes his head around too and grunts up a storm.  To be honest...we've been holding him until he falls asleep. Then we put him in his bassinet  I know...I know...it's accidental parenting...and I'm not doing a good job teaching him how to fall asleep on his own.  But at 5 1/2 weeks old, my thought is to get in sleep however we can and we can gradually work on putting him down awake.  Otherwise...if we let him be awake for 2 1/2 out of every 3 hour increment...we have a VERY unhappy baby at the end of every day. 
It's been very tough...I KNOW!  I'm just trying to have faith that we'll all work this out SOON!

It's getting to the point where I am inclined to agree that we need to go for the "whatever works" method.  Luka was awake from 6pm to 11pm last night because he was so tired.  I was in meltdown mode and completely useless, my wife had been at it all day and her carpel tunnel problems were flaring up again as she had been patting him for so long.  I don't know if he is going through an early growth spurt or something, but the last few days have been a nightmare   I realise that we need to be consistant with what we do, but I'm beginning to think that we need some time off from BW methods, do loads of "accidental parenting", and come back at it when we are all a bit  fresher.  I don't know if my wife will agree.  :?

I really agree with the BW principles, but I have found the books a bit vague, and not very good at talking about what to do when things go wrong.  We've been trying for a week, and things seem to be getting worse not better.  I know it can take a while, but this is upsetting everyone involved, which can't be good!

[corrina01]

What is your schedule like?

Are you on a 3hr easy,  maybe he is hungry before then.  If you can post a detailed schedule, then maybe I can help with my lo only about 15 weeks older than yours and I can vaguely remember what I did.

[Luka's Dad]

What is your schedule like?

Are you on a 3hr easy,  maybe he is hungry before then.  If you can post a detailed schedule, then maybe I can help with my lo only about 15 weeks older than yours and I can vaguely remember what I did.

This is a difficult one to answer.  My DW has been taking detailed notes of when he eats and sleeps, but to be honest, it is so all over the place that it is hard to work out what his routine is.  I'm kind of thinking that this is part of the problem, but we don't really know how to get him on more of an even keel.   Getting him to sleep, and his short naps means that he is pretty much never getting enough sleep and is always over tired.

I'll have a look at the notes when I get home tonight and post up a few example days though.

[MPalmer]

Hello agian~

Sorry it's taken a while to reply...I hope you can still see this!   I feel terrible that you and your wife are going thru this!  I would agree that it's time to do a whatever works method because your little guy needs to get some sleep regardless and you and your wife need an opportunity to regroup and recharge.  I know...it's so frustrating b/c you're trying SO HARD to do things right and get off to a right start...but as I have too learned...not all babies are going to respond the way we expect.   I had such expectations that I was going to do everything right and the results were going to be that he was going to sleep hours & hours.  Well...when that didn't happen, I felt like a failure.  But FORTUNATELY, I have a great husband, doctor and friends that have given me the following tips of advice:
1)  Your baby is still so new to the world that he's learning how to eat, breath, feel temperature etc...on top of that he's got to learn how to deal with being tired and transitioning to sleep.  It's our job to help him with that!   
2)  It's easy for us to want to takle so much at once, but we should regroup and tackle one thing at a time.  One mom said she focused on getting him to sleep in the first month, 2nd month she focused on getting on the 3 hr plan etc.   He's still so young that there's plenty of time to get back to the BW principles in time...it doesn't have to all be now.
3)  At 5 weeks old, he's still developing his nervous system etc...so if anything...just hang in there for a week or two and he'll pass thru this on his own.
4)  Beleive in YOURSELF and YOUR INSTINCTS FIRST before turning to a book!!!  That's the most important one I've learned.  No book is going to tell you exactly how to deal w/ YOUR BABY.  So you've got to have faith in yourself that you can figure it out.  Take things one at a time, and roll with the punches.  Almost like AA...take one day at a time!!!

I think the last point is the most important because you need to regroup as parents to be able to make it!  You need to trust in yourself that you can do it!  Oh ya....and I also heard that the first 6 weeks of a baby's life are usually the most frustrating for baby...so things just might turn around!!!!   Hang in there!!! You can do it and you can get back to BW principles one at a time later!!!