Don't know how much longer I can do this

[Superman'sMom]

Hi,
I need some advise on short naps. My lo and I have been working hard to have him sleep independently for 2 months. He is doing a lot better and I am going to a 4 hour easy.  He is 4 months old.

Unfortionatly he always wakes after 45 minutes of napping. He used to sleep longer but it got shorter and shorter and here we are. I was concentrating on just getting him to go to sleep. Now I would like him to stay that way.

I wind him down, pat shh, etc. I use white noise. He is swaddled. He falls asleep in his bed but I have to have my hand on him until he is in deep sleep. After he has been asleep for about 40 minutes I go in and put my hand on him (I also tried wake to sleep at 30 minutes but he didn't budge until 45 minutes). He stirs at 45-50 minutes and looks like he settles then he starts crying 5-10 minutes into it. He doesn'r even open his eyes. I can count on one hand the times I have calmed him down after this. He usually screams harder and harder. I have tried pat shh, pu/pd, singing songs, picking him up to calm him before trying to get to sleep.

It really getting frustrating.  I know he is tired. I really can't get him to stay up for that long unless he sleeps. What am I supposted to do? Continue? I don't see how he will learn to sleep longer if he isn't sleeping.

Sorry so long, started rambling. Only dog and baby to talk to.

Thanks.  :?

[deb]

A couple thoughts:

How's his sleep before he wakes for the day, say from 5AM on? Is he waking around 4-5AM? If so, can you get him back down w/pacifier so he doesn't get into the habit of waking then? Failing that, how about wake-to-sleep - just go in and get him to stir ever so slightly, sometimes re-sets the sleep cycle so they sleep through a habitual waking. (Wish I'd known about this when Josie was 3 months!)

My other thought, if Josie's case history at the top of the Naps board isn't giving you any more help, odd as it sounds: let it go for a few days and then come back to it fresh. I gotta tell you, with number two here now, I've had to be a lot more relaxed about short naps, or number one child would never see me 'cause I'd always be in Nat's bedroom trying desperately to get her off to sleep again. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but if not, well, we try again in a while.

When Josie was taking 4-6 45-minute naps a day, I looked at it as lots of breaks for me; I almost missed it when she went to "only" 3 naps, cause even though they were longer, I had longer to wait till my next chance to catch my breath! LOL

Meanwhile, if you haven't caught the Announcement about Josie and her short naps further up, check it out. She's almost 4 now, but some of the memories are far too clear! LOL :?

[LindseysMom]

Hello, I was wondering how you were doing.  I am glad to hear you are getting him to sleep easier.  I looked in another sleep book to see what he mentions about naps at your lo age.  Here is a question that is addressed:   When I put my child to sleep after no more than 2 hours of wakefulness, how long should he sleep?   At this point, the naps may be either short or long without any particular pattern.  this variability occurs because the part of the brain that establishes regular naps has not yet fully developed.  Watch for signs of tiredness to help you decide whether a nap was long enough. 

How is he doing with his night time sleep?   Here is another question addressed in the book.      My three month old used to take a very long morning nap, but now at 4 months, they are shorter.  What happened?   Between three and four months, your child went to sleep later at night, he now goes to bed earlier, wakes up better rested in the am, and no longer needs a very long morning nap.     

How long is he sleeping at night?   Is he waking still at night?  What time is he up for the day?  Just trying to get an idea of how his sleep habits are.   

You know, some babies just do the 45 minute nap thing several times a day.  From reading my other book it sounds like it just takes babies a while for thier sleep center to mature that controls naps.  Usually extended periods of sleep begin at night before day sleep becomes organized.  I was not able to put Lindsey on a true 4 hour schedule until she was 6 months old.  I think 6 months is when thier nap part of the brain begins to mature.   A lot of people with the 45 minute nap problem say that once their lo is at least 6 months of age their naps just start to lenghten. 

I remember clearly that Lindsey would take a long morning nap until she started sleeping longer at night and then her naps got shorter as she was getting a lot of sleep at night.  She too did the 45min nap thing  at times until she was 6 months old and then it did get better but she still would have a 45 min nap here or there.   

I think if you can maybe just try and not worry to  much about the "classic " easy routine and if he only sleeps 45 minutes and you try for a few minutes to get him back to sleep without success then just go with it.   If you go ahead and get him up is he content at all or just fussy.  He may not be ready for a 4 hour routine yet.  Even if you have to feed him early and then try again for a nap not long after he eats it is ok.   Ttry to keep his periods of wakefulness no more than 1-2 hours.  He may need to nap 4 times a day, it is ok.  He will sleep longer when he is ready.  His little sleep part of the brain is just not  mature yet, at least not for naps.     

I know it is so frustrating when you feel like you are doing something wrong but you really are not.  He will sleep longer when he is ready, or should I say when his brain is ready.  The best thing you can do now for him is to be consistent with his nap routines and bedtime routine.  Keep the intervals of wakefulness short ie 1-2 hours.  It sounds like you are already doing this.  This will get better, I promise and you can do this.  Just trust yourself, you are doing a great job.

[Superman'sMom]

Wow thanks for the replys.  Hmm let me see...
Yes I read Joise's announcment and that helped a lot! Thank you for that. 

He was sleeping better at night, he went down to just one waking at night. I tried for a couple nights to do a dream feed and I think it is disturbng him. He woke up every couple of hours after that, not hungry just needed help to go back to sleep.  I am going to not do the df tonight and see how that goes.  I think he needs a feed at night though. He is 20+ lbs (going to docter tommorrow I'll see how much exactly then). I don't think he can get enough to eat in just the day.  I'll see about starting some ceral tommorrow. 

When he was waking up once it was around 4-5 am and he ate and went right ack down. When he wakes multiple times he usually it more difficult to go back to sleep, he is very grouchy.

He is really on a loose EASY. I really won't call the last two months a routine at all. Only recently, went I started to switch to 4 hour has it started to stick. 

I would say fine and have lots of little naps but it really doesn't work for him.  Trust me that would be ideal as apposted to standing in that dark room all day! But he wakes up tired. He is grouchy and not very happy. He might play for a tiny bit but it's like playing with a time bomb, he'll go off any second. The times that I have gotten him to sleep longer, what a diffrence.

He wakes a 9 am, bed at 9 pm. Naps well I couldn't tell you really. I can usually get him to stay up about two hours in the morning but after that it doesn't look good.  If he naps good that nap then it's good until the next nap. Wow I think I am rambling again. Focus!

I don't know now I am confused. need sleep. I will get back to you. Thanks a lot for your help!!!!!!

[Superman'sMom]

I just wanted to update. Now I have messed up his night sleep. I could cry. I posted on the night wakings to see what they have to say about it. I tried not to df last night and he woke up crying for it. Then 4(ish) hours later he woke up again. Tried pu/pd, not successful. In fact just made him more hungry I think he finished both sides!. Then he took an hour to go back down. Then he woke at 8 (4ish hrs after first feed). Very hungry took full feed. Immedeatly fell asleep. Dead to world. Now he is still sleeping. He was supposed to get up 20 minutes ago. What do I do wake him and have him scream at me. I don't think so.

[LindseysMom]

Ok, deep breathe.  You have not messed up anything.  For all you know he may be going through a growth spurt.  That is the thing with babies, they are so unpredictable and when you are used to having somewhat of an oganized life babies really through you for a loop.  I remember. 

I personally am not a believer in the dream feed.  Your baby will let you know when he is hungry.  One thing Tracy talks about is respecting your baby.  To me, going in and picking up a sleeping baby to feed them when they are obviously sleeping is not respecting your baby, just my opinion though.  She says it is disrespectful to to make a lot of noise while your baby is trying to sleep so how is actually going in to feed them while they are asleep not being disrespectful?  Not trying to judge you for trying it either I just don't get it.  I also think it would tend to mess up their natural cycles of sleep.  Again, just my opinion. 

I also am not a big believer in waking a sleeping baby unless they are newborns who are not gaining weight well.  Again, they will wake up when they are hungry.  Now I would not let him sleep much past 2-3 hours during the day though because you do want his long stretch to be at night.  But sleep begets sleep in babies so if he is sleeping now and did not sleep well during the night I would let him sleep a while longer to catch up.   

Hope this helps, relax, you did not mess up anything.  He is his own little person and sometimes you can not control what they are doing no matter how bad you/we want to or try to.

[hana1978]

No advice to give you except i was in your position a couple of months ago (and still am actually with regards to the 45m naps) - and liturally was tearing my hair out trying to get DS to sleep longer - i tried EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING and nothing worked.  In the end i decided to except it and roll with it and im not half as stressed out as i was - he still sleeps 45mins (ok if im lucky its 45 normally its 30  :shock: ) and has about x4 naps a day because there so short.  I could not be dealing with the stress of it all - so i simply gave up.  Now im chilled out (most of the time) and we have our own made up version of 'easy' to fit around his short naps!

[Superman'sMom]

I really wish I could let it go. But when I have gone with the flow it sucks too.  He is never really tired or awake, just cranky.  I can't fiqure out an eating schedule to work around a 45 minute nap. If he eats every 4hours (or close to that) he eats well and is content. 3 or so hours he eats for 10 minutes and then bobs on and of really not interested at all.  Urgh. 

Do they eventually sleep longer? Or do i need to teach him that.  Today I am just letting him sleep however long he wants. We have a doctors appt. later anyways. 

I think I also might be doing this for me. It's really hard with him like this. If he is only up for 1-11/2 hours he is only happy for about an hour. Then it's cranky time. Then his naps, I have to wind down for 20 minutes, then it's atleast another 20 till he is in deep sleep and I can leave.  Then I have 20 minutes to try and do some chores and then he is up whether I am in there or not. Then he is cranky and wants to eat(I think for comfort). Then I got maybe 20-30 minutes and he is fussing again. At night I end up just walkinh him around the house so he won't cry because he is so tired he can't take a nap. I feel so bad for him at the end of the day after he crys and crys before finally going to sleep. He has had just a sucky day, cranky and stressed out with cranky and stressed out Mom.

I don't really go out much. Nobody really comes over much. I mean they really couldn't stay long anyhow. And either way I end up in his room all day trying to get him to sleep.

I am such a terrible mother I get so frustrated with him. Then I feel so bad. How could I get upset with him, he is tired and trying to sleep and it is so hard for him. Got to go, bwu.

[solnme]

I know it's tough.  The only thing I can tell you is I was in the exact same position when my little guy was 4months.  We had followed BW since he was 5 weeks and everything was going fine untill then.  The napping and night wakings almost drove me crazy and at that point I could understand Shaken Baby Syndrom.  Not that I would ever do it but I was soooo frustrated I was at my wits end.

For us it was food.  Lo was 2 weeks late and a very big boy.(17 lbs) As soon as I started feeding cereal for dinner at about 5 mnths, he slept through the night.  He was better rested and became a happier baby.  His naps slowly, very slowly started stretching from 45 - 1 hr - 1.5 hrs.

I really wanted to wait until 6 months but every baby is different.  I hope you find the grove for your little one and can take some comfort in knowing you're not alone.